When the Night Falls so Hard
by ApplesandAlways
Summary: Brenda has slowly been making Sharon more open, but when Sharon starts to show Brenda all sides of her, will Brenda think of her the same way? Will Sharon be able to hold all the things she never wanted anyone to know out because of the wall Brenda crushed down? Brenda/Sharon. Femslash. Dark material warning: alcohol and some domestic abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**This, is really more Major Crimes/The Closer crossover but Major Crimes doesn't have a section yet. I know it is long, but I write a lot so bear with me. And lots and LOTS of femslash, you are warned.

Chapter One

When The Night Falls So Hard

Captain Sharon Raydor rolled her neck and took another long sip from the glass of scotch she had sitting in front of her. She could hear indistinct chatter fluttering throughout the bar. She thought of the day she had just encountered, and shook her head trying to forget. That was why she was here, to forget. She found herself looking through the top of her glasses around the tightly packed police bar. She spotted unforgettable blonde locks of hair, and met the gaze of none other than Brenda Leigh Johnson. She smiled lightly, and grabbed her glass as she made her way over to the booth Brenda was occupying alone.

"Mind if I sit here?" She asked the blonde. Brenda blinked lightly, almost numbly, and nodded. Sharon slide into the opposing side of the table. "So, what are you doing in a police bar on a Friday night?"

"Just needed to get away from life for a while," Brenda said with all honesty. Her accent making Sharon shudder slightly.

Sharon lifted her right eyebrow. "So, you mean get away from Fritz for a while?" She said, getting to what Brenda truly meant.

"What makes you say that?" Brenda asked, setting down her glass of whiskey on a napkin.

"Well, for one, when most people need to 'get away from their life' they go home, and curl up with a nice book-which I picture you doing. Two, you are in a bar; the one place where Fritz wouldn't come into. And third, Fritz told me you two had an argument this morning," she said, giving a deep character analysis.

"He did what?!" Brenda snapped. Sharon could clearly see the anger within her.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything," she apologized, knowing that Fritz had told her in confidence.

"No, I'm glad you did," Brenda stated. She looked down to her whiskey. "What did he tell you?"

"Just that you and him got into a dispute this morning, he didn't specify about what," she clarified. Brenda sighed, knowing that he wouldn't… He would let others think it was on her.

"It is just so hard. It's like he tries to understand, but he doesn't. I miss workin' with the police so much. I have never missed anythin' so much… I never thought I wouldn't, but here I am…" Not telling the actual reason why Fritz and her got into the fight, just a factor in it. Sharon could see that Brenda was holding back, but didn't press for anything other than what she was given.

Sharon folded her hands on the table top. "Working for the DA isn't what you thought it would be?"

"It is, but I miss the rush of catching murders. The thrill of putting someone that horrible behind bars for the rest of their life… I miss the people I worked with… My friends…" Brenda looked directly into Sharon's eyes. "I miss you," she let slip past her lips. Sharon blinked 3 times at the unexpected confession and took a large drink from her glass.

She looked back to Brenda. "I miss you too, working with you. Having you by my side. I feel so alone at work… No one there likes really likes me, and I am continuously getting shit. It is exhausting." Brenda chuckled lightly. "Is it amusing, seeing me like this?"

"Yes," Brenda confessed. "But it is just the team, Captain. They did it to me when I first got there, they will warm up to you."

Sharon smiled. "They've started to, but I am not you, Brenda. You are who they want."

"Well, we got to be very close," Brenda reminded her. She smiled lightly to the Captain. "I heard you took Rusty in?"

Sharon nodded lightly, and smirked. "I did, yes."

"How is that goin'?"

She let out a sigh, and briefly raised her eyebrow. "It's difficult. He was really resistant at first, but he is coming about. "

"He is? Good," Brenda said with sincerity.

"He is. He got accepted into a private school, and joined the chest club and theater. That is actually where he is now, staying a friends."

"I am glad to hear he is doin' well… Though, I must say I am a bit surprised that you aren't keeping a closer tab on him." Sharon twitched her bottom lip down to the right. "You are?"

"I gave him phone with GPS on it," Sharon confessed. Brenda chuckled.

"Now _that_ is more like you," she said, and lifted her finger off her glass pointing it to Sharon. She took a drink from her glass, and set it back down. "How's finding his ma goin' anyway?" Sharon looked down to her glass, swirling the liquid its container. "You are looking for her, aren't you?"

Sharon looked back to Brenda. "We found her actually," she said, surprising Brenda. "She stole our money and ran off before ever reaching LA." She shook her head. "A part of me was glad. Who could do that to their child? Just abandon him like that? Rusty deserves more than his mother. He is so wise, and hopeful; it crushes me to think of what she did."

Brenda nodded. "Me too." She huffed. "Change of subject," she stated. "Other than work and Rusty, how are you?"

"Other than that, I am splendid. My daughter called last week, and she is coming down to visit from school for Christmas."

"That is wonderful."

"You should meet her… If you want," Raydor suggested.

"I'd enjoy that."

Brenda looked at Sharon with wide eyes as Sharon began belting the lyrics to 'I want you' as though she were alone. Her hips swayed to the rhythm as she stood near the jukebox, and the sight was so intoxicating for Brenda. As if the 7 whiskey's she had drank weren't enough.

Sharon's hands slid along the sides of her hips and stomach, clearly catching the attention of every male in the bar (even a few females). Brenda couldn't help be glad there weren't many, and most were drunk. Sharon slowly danced her way back to the booth, with eyes following her the whole time. She opened to look down to Brenda.

"I want you. I want you so bad. I want yooooouuuu. I want you so bad, it's driving me mad. It's driving me mad," she sang to Brenda. Brenda bit her lip, and stood. She threw her money down on the table, knowing what was left of her glass onto her.

"Captain, you are drunk. We should get you home," she said, pointing out the 9 drinks the older woman had, and ignoring the fact she had smelt alcohol on herself. Sharon just smiled, and pulled Brenda in close to her. She bag swaying her chest into the other woman's, trying to dance with her. Brenda gasped, and pushed Sharon away. Sharon stumbled back, seeing the arousal now in Brenda's eyes.

"I was just trying to dance," Sharon got out, laughing slightly.

"I'm not in the mood for no dancin'," Brenda stated. She gripped the other womans arm, and dragged her out of the bar.

"I can arrest you for assaulting a police officer," Sharon spat, yanking her arm free from Brenda's grasp.

"Oh, shut up," Brenda said with half seriousness, and half playfulness. She walked up to a taxi that was waiting for drunk policemen to leave the bar to take them home. She opened the door. "Get in, you're going home."

"And you're not?" Sharon tested.

Brenda growled. "I guess I am, now." Sharon rolled her head, and it took her few seconds to get into the car. Brenda had to admit, she found it hard to not laugh. Both were clearly drunk, but Sharon just slightly more. Brenda slide in, and shut the door. The driver started down the road after Sharon told him her address.

"You can stay at my house if you'd like," Sharon offered. Brenda looked over to her confused. "I don't think Agent Howard would like you to come home, whilst angered, and you smelling like his one vice."

Brenda bent her head down, agreeing. Keeping her secret inside. "You're probably right."

The rest of their 15 minute ride was in silence. Brenda looked over to Sharon every now and then to check to make sure she hadn't passed out, and vice versa. When they reached her home, Sharon paid the driver, and got out.

"This is where you live?" Brenda asked, acknowledging the large house for all of two people.

"Yes," Sharon said, as she fumbled with her keys. After locating the correct one, she opened the door which led into a hallway. Brenda realized that the house was a duplex. Sharon switched keys and opened the next door. She entered, then left it open for Brenda to enter. She locked it, threw her keys onto the table in front of the door along with her purse, and turned on the light. She kicked off her shoes, and stumbled towards the couch. Brenda slipped her shoes off, and followed Sharon.

Sharon huffed, and picked up a sweater Rusty had left on couch. She turned around to ask if she wanted to sleep on the couch or if Sharon should and Brenda take the bed. She would have offered the guest bed, but it was occupied by Rusty's things. She gasped slightly at how close Brenda was, and Brenda was taken back as well. Sharon's eyes fluttered between Brenda's eyes and lips, and found herself leaning into them without even thinking.

When their lips touched, Sharon pulled back realizing what she had done. Her face became horrified, unable to believe it. "Oh my god, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"Sh," Brenda told her. She wrapped her arm around Sharon's waist, diminishing any space they previously had between them, and kissed her harshly. Sharon fell into the kiss, and pressed her weight against the blonde. Brenda took the weight, and began stumbling backwards. Sharon reinforced stability and led them to the wall leading into the hallway. Brenda flipped Sharon around, pinning her to the wall that was now right behind them.

Their tongues fought for dominance, and Brenda pulled Sharon's jacket and shirt off over her head causing their kiss to break, and Sharon's glasses to fly off her face. The older woman's hands found the buttons to the others pink cardigan and, being impatient, ripped the sweater open. The buttons flung across the ground, but neither woman seemed to notice or care. Brenda gripped Sharon's wrist, and pinned them to the wall over her head with a thud. The blonde's mouth traveled to the other woman's collar bone, gaining a moan from the woman.

She let slack on Sharon's wrist, and took her hand downward to cup her breast. Her mouth began sucking at the flesh that bludging from Sharon's bra. Sharon, not wanting anything holding her back from Brenda's touch, reached behind her to unhook her bra. She pulled it off her body, breaking Brenda's hand from her for a mere second. Brenda's hand left her breast at the great dissatisfaction of Raydor, until she felt her palm down her stomach. The younger woman's mouth left the older ones chest, knowing she had left it covered in hickeys.

Her mouth found its way to Sharon's, while her hand pushed inside the material of Sharon's shirt from the hem. She pressed her fingertips into the captains thigh making the woman moan once more. Brenda tried not think of how she never felt more pleasure out of achieving an arousal than she did with Sharon. Without warning Brenda tore off the captain's undergarments, tossing them aside, and pushed her fingers into Sharon.

Sharon, caught off guard, yanked her head away from the blonde and threw it back against the wall with a loud gasp following it. Her hands gripped Brenda's shoulders. Brenda smirked at the reaction, and began moving the fingers in and out. Sharon tried to keep her mouth shut, causing a continuous hum. Brenda adjusted her hand to stimulate her as she push into her. Sharon felt her knee's going weak and she tried to keep her balance. Her eyes fluttered unable to stay neither open or closed. Her mouth now opened as Brenda curled her fingers. She didn't try to suppress the moan roaring out of her.

"You like that?" Brenda asked with the most seductive tone Sharon had ever heard. All Sharon could do was nod and whimper. "Tell me," Brenda said, bluntly stopping.

"Oh god," Sharon cried, pushing her hand down, trying to regain the woman's fingers. "Don't stop. Yes. Yes, I like it. Please," the older woman begged. Brenda grinned, and pushed herself back in. Sharon bit her lip, and arched her back. Brenda gained a harsh and fast pace, sending the woman into a wurlwind of ecstasy. Everything was swirling around so fast she couldn't breathe straight. "I'm gonna-" she got out. "Oh, I'm gonna-" she tried again, still unable to finish her sentence but this time it was cut off from another moan ripping from her. Brenda got what she meant.

Brenda pushing her face into the brunette's neck. She could feel the vibrations from her vocal cords against her lips. Sharon let out the loudest scream Brenda had heard from the woman, and her hands slammed against the wall as she rode her orgasm out. She felt her chest heaving as she tried to breathe correctly. Sharon spent the time calming down thinking of the last time she had orgasm, and knowing that she had never reached a climax that hard or fast in her life.

Brenda pulled away to look at the woman, whose skin was flush and her mouth opened slightly still letting out a breath unevenness. Even in this state, with her hair awry and eyes only half open, she was still more beautiful than ever. Sharon opened her eyes and looked into Brenda's. Brenda, as hard as she tried, couldn't read them. That was until Sharon placed both hands on either side of Brenda's face, and brought her into a soft, sweet, kiss.

It surprised Brenda at first, but it didn't take long to melt into the kiss. Her arms wrapped around Sharon's waist, feeling their bare stomach resting against each other. She could feel Sharon pushing herself off the wall, then pulling Brenda down the hall without lips ever parting. She felt Sharon turn, and Sharon's left hand left the side of her face and reached downwards for her bedroom door handle. She was then pulled into the older woman's room and quickly took off her sweater and bra.

Sharon stepped back, unzipping her pencil skirt and letting it fall to the ground without any hassle. As she stepped out of the fabric, her hands reached out for Brenda's denim jeans only to yank them down to her ankles. She stood back up, facing the now naked woman. She placed her hands on Brenda's hips, guiding her to her mattress. Brenda sat on the edge of the bed and allowed Sharon to straddle her.

Sharon's hands trailed along Brenda's shoulders, down her arms, and to her hands. Sharon's hands covered them, brought them up to her lips, and kissed them tenderly. She let her lips flow down to her forearm. She stopped to look back to the woman.

Brenda had never seen Sharon so venerable, so human. It scared her but made her feel warm and home at the same time. She rubbed her lips together and allowed Sharon to lean in for another deliciously sweet kiss.

Sharon pushed her force forward, causing them to lean down onto the bed. With her hands still held by Sharon, she could feel the brown hair against her shoulders and the other woman's chest laying directly ontop of hers. Sharon released her hands, now letting them roam on the woman's youthful body. She could feel her heart pounding inside her chest harshly against her chest cavity, it surprised her Sharon couldn't hear it. Especially since her heart and their kisses were the only sounds in the room. Maybe she could but didn't say anything. Maybe her heart was doing the same.

Brenda tried to make sense of what was going on, but her mind was too far drunk to try and logically sort it out. She just knew it felt good, and she had never felt more right with anyone else's touches caressing her. She knew it was wrong, even with the state of mind she was in, but it was all going by so fast (yet still painfully slow).

"Do you trust me?" Sharon asked.

"Yes," Brenda whispered, in almost a timed but firm voice. She didn't know why, or when it came to be, but she trusted Sharon more than anyone, even her husband.

Once Sharon's hands reached Brenda's hips, she pushed the two of them into the center of the bed. She leaned back down onto Brenda, letting her hand travel up Brenda's bent knee that was by the captains side. The captain hooked her leg underneath the blondes, and arched her lower back outward to place the two women's cores firmly against each other. She heard a small gasp from Brenda, making her look into her chocolate eyes. She wished she could have read them through the drunken gaze and the blurriness of both their eyes.

Sharon placed both her arms underneath Brenda's shoulder, gripping them for stability, and began slowly rocking herself against Brenda. They kept eye contact, both their mouths agape holding silent moans. Brenda brought her hips up, allowing the stimulation to be even heavier. Her hands reached out and gripped tightly to Sharon's hips. Her head rolled to the side, and Sharon to the opportunity to place a few hickeys on her.

"Faster," Brenda begged her. Sharon complied, and began rocking her hip slightly faster. "Faster," Brenda cried again.

"Something are better slow," Sharon simply stated. Brenda huffed lightly, knowing this was a battle she was not going to win without losing first. Sharon twisted her slightly, making Brenda finally cry out loud, tightening her hands on Sharon's hips.

"Right there," Brenda muttered. Sharon nodded, letting Brenda know she intended to stay there. She began rocking a little faster and she felt Brenda's grasp on her hips remain tight. Brenda moving her hips with Sharon's gaining a steady rhythm. After another twenty minutes Sharon could not take anymore, and began moving faster and faster. Both could feel their climaxes building, and knew the others was too as their moans where now meshed and unending.

She felt Brenda's body tense, followed by a long drown out moan and then her body going slack. Sharon tipped her head back, body lifted off Brenda's, feeling hers serge through her body. Brenda held her hips still, letting Sharon let it out.

When Sharon looked back down to Brenda, both were covered in sweat with their hair sticking to them, both chest heaving heavily. Sharon leaned down to Brenda, and pushed her hair out of Brenda's face. She kissed her affectionately, caressing Brenda's cheeks with her thumb. Brenda opened her mouth for the woman, who hadn't even asked for it but happily accepted. She pushed Sharon's hair behind her ear.

Sharon pulled away, and rested her forehead on Brenda's. She knew she was too tired and weak for another round, no matter how much she wanted to. She knew this would never happen again, and she wanted to savor as much of it as she could.

"How are you still so beautiful?" Sharon asked her.

"You're one to speak," Brenda replied. "I probably look horrific, but you're stunning."

Sharon chuckled, knowing this not to be true. Sharon regretfully pulled herself off Brenda, and moved to the head of the bed. Brenda sat up, feeling weak, and looked over to Sharon confused. That was until she noticed Sharon's arm was stretched outward, waiting for Brenda to join her. Brenda crawled into the other woman's arms, and let them wrap around her as she laid into Sharon as she wrapped her own arm around the stomach of the woman. Sharon began making slow and delicate circles on Brenda's abdomen near her hip with the tip of her finger. Brenda let a soft "mm" push through her lips, and she buried herself deeper into the brunettes chest (which she was currently using as a pillow), allowing Brenda to fall asleep.

Once Sharon knew Brenda was asleep, she kissed the top of her head. She rubbed her lips together, tasting the words on her mouth. She took her free hand and enlaced its fingers into Brenda's that was near Sharon's hip. She sighed, enjoying far too much this feeling. A realization hit her, a realization that she stated out loud.

"I love you, Brenda Leigh Johnson," she whispered. She felt a tear roll down her cheek, regretting not only the words but the fact that she knew it was true. She shook her head lightly, shaking the feeling, trying to enjoy the moment. Brenda shifted light slipping her right between both of Sharon's, and Sharon rested her head on top of Brenda's, trying to fall asleep. Something that wouldn't come to her for another hour.

When Sharon's eyes opened, it was to the exact same situation she'd fallen asleep to. Brenda's head was laying on her chest, with her arms embracing her, and Sharon's embracing Brenda. The smell of sex and alcohol still had a lingering hint in the room. The only difference was that the sun was now beginning shining into the room as dawn had barely broke the day, and Sharon's head was pounding from last nights alcohol consumption. Sharon hadn't even tried to fall back asleep, because she knew that she was now sober and the consequences of their actions was just around the bend.

She looked down at the blonde hair collect on her chest, and wondered at how heavy of a sleeper Brenda was. Slowly and carefully, Sharon wedged her way out of Brenda's grasp and walked over to her shower. After taking an overly long shower, in which she noticed the large purple marks running along her neck and chest, she stepped and threw on her black robe on. She opened her closest door to grab the purple one she never wore. She placed it at the edge of the bed for Brenda when she woke. She grabbed Brenda's pants from the floor, knowing they smelt like the glass of scotch she spelt on herself the previous night, and her skirt. She walked out into the living room to pick up her shirt, underwear, glasses, and Brenda's shirt, only discover all but one were ruined. She threw out her glasses, which were cracked and the frame bent, and her underwear. She held onto Brenda's cardigan in case she still wanted it. She threw all three (Brenda's pants, sweater, and Sharon's shirt) into the wash with the load she had intended to today already.

She sat on the couch with her knee's brought up onto the couch, and rested her head on them. Her mind ran so fast. Trying to make sense of what happened. What had possessed them to act in such a way, other than alcohol and the already want to. She never did those types of things. She didn't do one night stands, especially with someone who was married, nor with a woman. She never let anyone in, but ever since Brenda had wedged her way into her life she had begun to. Now, Sharon thought, would come the effects of doing that. The reason why she didn't open herself up. The reason why she was so distant and hard. Her mind wondered, and time had been lost as she watched the rest of the sun rise. She heard shuffling coming from the room, and she knew Brenda was awake.

Brenda's and let out a yawn. Her arms stretched upward, and her back arched. She opened her eyes, and pushed her hair out of her face. She squinted at the bright light, feeling the hangover she expected. Her heart sunk, she knew she was naked and she knew she was in an unknown room. She shot upward, and looked around for her clothes but only found a purple rob at the edge of the bed. She grabbed it quickly as she stood, grabbed onto the bed for a few seconds gaining her balance, and threw the robe over her body. She sighed, and let her memories of last night flood back into her mind. She let out a half sob half sigh, and put both of her hands one her face. She pushed her hands backwards past her forehead, and around the back of her head. She had cheated, with another woman none the less. With THAT woman. She regretted it, but at the same time it all had felt so right. Her heart and mind were now raging war.

She turned around and flung the door open. She walked out into the living room, and saw Sharon sitting on the couch with nothing but a black robe on. Sharon's only being held up by her knees, and her arms wrapped around her legs looking defenseless, like she wasn't even going to try to explain last night or fight… Like she was heartbroken. Her hair had dried natural, making it wavy. Her gaze was on Brenda, and Brenda's was on her. Even with her naturally wavy hair, and no make up, Brenda was amazed how beautiful Sharon was.

"Where are my clothes?" Brenda asked, clearly avoiding the heavy topic that faced them.

"I, uh, put them in the wash; they smelt like alcohol," Sharon answered, slightly caught off guard but quickly gathering herself. "I should switch them into the dryer actually," she said, standing. She walked past Brenda, and quickly changed the laundry, and joined the woman again in the living room.

Brenda was sitting on the arm of the couch with her hands placed in her lap. Her hair was pulled over to her right shoulder, exposing a large hickey on her neck. Her gaze was aimed at the coffee table as she thought of how to handle this situation. She wished that it wasn't a situation and that she could look over at Sharon, walk up to her and kiss her like the night before.

"I'm sorry," Sharon said, catching Brenda's attention who hadn't realized Sharon had re-entered the living room. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I-I didn't mean to ki-"

"-Stop," Brenda stopped. "I really don't want to talk about it," she continued as she stood. She watched Sharon's face drop, hurt. It killed her to see it, but she needed time to think away from Sharon. She broke her gaze down, and shook her head. "I shouldn't be here."

Sharon grabbed her elbow, crossing it over her stomach, as if sheltering herself. She nodded slightly. "I understand, but you have to wait for your clothes… Sorry, I didn't want you going home smelling like a saloon," she tried to make a quip. Brenda tried to smile, but she couldn't as her heart was to torn.

"Thank you… Isn't-, uh, -my shirt?" Brenda questioned, wondering the condition of it, because of the event she could recall last night.

"Oh, that… There are no buttons on it, but I washed it anyway in case you wanted it."

"You tore off all the buttons?"

"Okay, in my defense you ruined my underwear and my 200 dollar pair of glasses," Sharon added.

"Did I?" Brenda asked, clearly wanting to change the topic. Sharon took the hint.

"If you, uh, want to a shower while your clothes are drying, you can," Sharon offered. "I will call you a cab and you can borrow one of my shirts."

Brenda nodded lightly, accepting the offer. "Thanks." Sharon tried to smile slightly, but couldn't bring herself to. The fact that it was evident that Brenda wanted nothing to do with Sharon hurt her more than she ever expected.

"The bath is down the hall, last door on the right," Sharon explained. Brenda turned awkwardly and walked off to the bathroom. Sharon let out a shaky breath, and moved into her kitchen. She quickly started her coffee maker, and tried to clear her mind. She quickly walked to her room and found a shirt that was too small on her that would fit Brenda. She placed it on her bed, knowing that was shirt she would let her use, and then found herself sitting on the edge of the bed. Her hands rested on the mattress where she had slept with Brenda Leigh Johnson the night before. Where she had made love to her. She knew the moment to end as soon as it began, and she knew, deep in her heart, she would regret letting Brenda take advantage of her… Of her taking advantage for Brenda. At the moment it happened, she didn't care and now feeling the heartbreak.

She forced herself off the bed, trying to force away the memory. She grabbed the shirt and walked back out into the kitchen. She threw the shirt on the counter, and grabbed a cup from the cupboard. With the coffee machine still running, she grabbed the coffee pot from the machine. She did not care that the coffee was still dripping onto the hot burner as she poured her first glass of the day, she knew that today she would need more than one to make it through the day. She added her Irish Creamer, and picked up her cell phone to call Brenda a cab. The cab that would be here in fifteen minutes. She sat down at her dinning room table with her coffee, and listened for the shower to be turned off.

Within seconds Brenda was standing in front of her in Sharon's purple rob once more, but this time her hair was dripping wet and she wore no make-up. She looked lost, and not sitting with reality.

"Are my clothes dry yet?" Brenda asked her with a monotone voice, as though she was trying to distance herself.

"Uh, let me check," Sharon said, walking back to the laundry room. She pulled out Brenda's clothes from the drier, almost sad to see them dry. She stood, with them in hand, and reentered the living room. Raydor found her sitting on the arm of the couch again, with her head sulked down. "Here," she said, extending the clothes out for Brenda to take.

Brenda took them without looking up, making Sharon realize something. The only time this morning Brenda had actually looked Sharon in the eyes was when she first saw her, and it was as though she refused to do so again. What Sharon didn't know was that Brenda couldn't without feeling an overwhelming guilt. She needed to get away from Sharon. She needed to think. She needed to go home… to her husband…

Brenda quickly dressed in front of Sharon, care to not let a single bit of flesh slip into sight. She turned to Sharon, who was now holding her ivory coffee mug with both hands for comfort.

"Thanks for the shirt," Brenda muttered. "When will the cab be here?"

"In a few minutes," Sharon answered. Brenda nodded and began making her way outside. "You don't… You can stay inside till it shows," Sharon suggested.

"I… I need to leave as soon as possible…" Brenda said with sadness that she clearly tried not to show. "My husband is probably worried sick."

The words were like a slap to the face to Sharon. Husband. She was his, and would never be hers again. She didn't know if she would ever speak to Brenda again after this. Things would never be the same and she knew that. She tried to form words to protest Brenda's leaving further, but could make nothing out. She could only watch as Brenda left.

As the door shut, she felt overwhelmed with emotion; like everything came crashing down. She turned, and threw the glass into the kitchen letting it shatter against the cupboards. She felt a brick her chest, making her double over as a cry tore from her. She was never one to cry, she did not even shed a single tear during her ex-husbands and her divorce nor when she gave birth… She learned at a young age that she needed to be strong. She could not even remember the last time she actually cried, and she had _never_ cried like this. But as that door shut, she felt so did her happiness. She sat on the edge of her coffee table and cradled her head in her hands, letting 30 years of suppressed tears come out of her. She moved over to her desk, unlocked the drawer, and pulled out the pack of cigarettes she hadn't touched in over two months. The stress was to overwhelming, and she needed it… It was all she had to take at least some of the pain. She pulled a cigarette from the pack, and walked to her room for the lighter. She refused to let Rusty know she smoked, but she couldn't go outside right now; not with Brenda out there. With shaky hands she put the cigarette in her mouth, lit it, and allowed its toxins to enter lungs with a deep inhale. She tried to stop the tears, but she could. At least now she could stop the sobs.

Brenda shut the door to Sharon's home, and jumped as she heard a crash coming from the other side. She leaned against the door, and heard Sharon let out a loud sob. Her hand rested on the door, wanting nothing more to walk back and hold her tightly, telling her that everything was fine and that she wouldn't leave. She knew that going back in would only cause more problems. She swallowed harsh, trying to hold in her own tears, threw her bag over her shoulder, and walked out of the hallway to the street.

She was surprised to see the green cab waiting for her. Figures that Raydor would call an ecofriendly cab. She walked to the door, and slide in without a word. The only thing she said the whole deration in the cab was the address of the bar, where her car was still parked. When they reached the empty bar parking lot, the only two cars that were there were hers. She walked quickly to hers, threw her things in the now unlocked car, and climbed in. Once she started the car, she drove out of the parking lot quickly, and got to her house within a matter of minutes. She was honestly surprised she had not been pulled over for speeding, but as much as she regretted leaving Sharon, she needed to check on her husband.

She pulled into the parking lot of their new home, after finally convincing Fritz that they needed a new home. She looked at herself in the rearview mirror, and gawked slightly. She had a large purple hickey on her neck, and one that peaked out of the top of the low black v-neck t-shirt Sharon let her barrow. She dug through her purse, pulling out her foundation, concealer, and powder. Quickly she began applying them, layer after layer, covering the large bruise like marks Sharon had left on her skin. She could only get to the point where they were just barely noticeable, and she hoped with the dim lighting in her house would cover it.

She pulled herself out of her car, and it seemed as though the walk to her front door was like a walk to the principal's office. Her stomach was nothing but a large knot, and her heart was in her throat. The realization hit her again as her hand hit the door handle-she, Brenda Leigh Johnson, cheated on her husband. She had enjoyed cheating on him, and wished she could do it again. She had used Sharon as an outlet of her anger and revenge, and felt more than she ever imagined for the woman. She had sex with a woman. She… made love to a woman? The question made her heart sink further. It wasn't just sex, they had made love?

'No', she thought, 'that is ridiculous, I could never make love with that woman.' The woman that she hated yet had grown to be her best friend, the only who truly stood by her side when things got rough.

She shook her head, shaking off the thoughts, and entered her home. All of the blinds were closed, leaving the area dark which she was glad because she couldn't deny the pounding in her head any longer. She knew Fritz was still asleep, and that gave her relief. She walked to the kitchen to grab ibuprofen and a glass of water. She took the medication and turned to the counter. She saw the liquor cabinet open, and looked inside to see a missing bottle of her wine. She began walking back to the bedroom, and found Fritz fully clothed and passed out on their bed. The missing bottle of red wine was on the ground just below his hand that was dangling off the edge of the bed.

She silently reached down and picked up the bottle that was empty. She felt her jaw quivering, and she walked out of the room. She set walked back into the kitchen, and set the bottle on the counter loudly knowing it would more than likely wake Fritz. She heard him in the next room, and waited for him to enter the kitchen. She looked up at him, and his hair was thrown about and his eyes were sunk in

"Do you have to be so loud?" He asked with aggravation in his voice.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be," she lied. She turned him, so she was facing him completely. She grabbed the bottle in her hand, and pointed it to him. "Do you have to continue to lie to me?" She asked, turning the conversation around. Fritz face dropped. "I asked you if you were drinkin again, and what did you say? 'No' and then you started screamin at me for accusin you of it, when you were?" She said, anger rising in her voice. "I stopped fighting because I believed you, and I gave you space that you wanted last night and you deceived me, Fritz."

"Brenda, I didn't want you to know," he said.

"I'm your wife, I need to know!" She was now screaming. She covered her face, trying not to cry. "Why did you start? Is it me, something I did? Is that why you didn't want to tell me?"

"No," he answered. "I couldn't sleep Brenda… I kept seeing that little girls face."

"What little girl?" She asked.

He sighed. "I didn't want to tell you… About a month ago, I was on a case we were taking down a mob. She was tool to make us give up, and we wouldn't stand down… She was killed right in front of me, and I killed the bastard that shot her head off." He looked up to Brenda. "She was only 8."

She starred at him with wide eyes. "Fritz… I…" she found herself struggling for words. "I'm so sorry," she got out. "I didn't know, why didn't you tell me?"

He scuffed, and turned away. "Because…" He knew he couldn't tell her that the little girl only amped his drinking, that he started before that when everything with Brenda and the lawsuit. He didn't want her to feel guilty because of his weakness. "I thought I could fix it before you found out, but it keeps getting worse. I am trying, but I am struggling."

"Fritz, I will do anything to help, just tell me… Please?" She begged.

"I need to do this on my own, Brenda," he said, knowing she was part of the reason he was drinking. He needed to prove to himself that he could push past his selfishness for her. "I need to do it alone," he repeated and walked out of the kitchen alone. She leaned into the counter, taking every bit of her energy not cry. Her chest felt heavy, and her breathing was heavy.

How could he just turn her away like that? When she offered nothing but help? She hoped that he could this, because she don't know how much longer they could take arguments they had been having. She was so unhappy, and with him pushing her away when she tried so hard to fix it only made her want to drive back to Sharon's house. She knew that she couldn't though, that no matter how much Fritz pushed her away he need her now more than ever.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**__ So, rereading the last chapter I realized I forgot to change the fact that Sharon lived in an apartment. From this point on it will state that she is living in one, and not a duplex. Sorry if I confuse you:/

Chapter Two

Brenda sat on the edge of her bed, her legs dangling off it. She picked up her phone again, opening to the very one sided conversation that she was having Sharon.

'Please, Sharon. I need to talk to you. I will not leave you alone till you pick up your phone,' she wrote, and sent the text. She huffed, and flung herself back on her bed. She let the phone rest on her chest, hoping to hear it go off.

Three weeks had gone by, and she hadn't heard anything from Sharon. The first week was on her part, but now Sharon seemed to be the one who didn't want to speak to her. She waited for a few minutes before her phone vibrated on her chest. She jumped up, causing her hair to fling into her face. Quickly she pushed it out of her face, and opened her phone. Her heart jumped when she saw the message was from Raydor.

'Brenda please, I can't do this.' Was all the text read. Brenda let out a growl, after three weeks, that is all she says?

'At least let me see you. I need to talk.'

'If you need to talk so bad, tell me now.'

Brenda stood, and began pacing. 'I can't text it, I need to tell you in person.'

"Brenda?" Fritz called. She sighed, and walked into the kitchen where Fritz was sitting at the kitchen table.

"What?" She asked, not knowing why she was called.

"Sit," he instructed. She cocked her eyebrow, but followed his request. She set her phone on the table just as it went off. He reached over, shutting it off.

"Hey, I was in the middle of a conversation," Brenda fought.

"More important that talking to your husband?" Fritz questioned. She shifted in her seat uneasily, answering the question her head but didn't dare say the answer out loud.

"What do you need to talk about?"

He leaned onto the kitchen table. "I'm sorry, Brenda."

"You're sorry?"

"That I haven't been here. About the drinking."

"Have you stopped? Are you willing to accept help?" She asked. He looked down, and let his jaw go slack to the right slightly. "I knew it. You don't truly mean you're sorry, Fritz."

"How do I prove it you?"

"Let me help you," she insisted. "Stop pushin' me away."

He shook his head lightly. "I can't let you help me yet, please understand."

"How am I supposed to understand if you don't talk to me?"

He sunk into his chair, seeing her view. He knew couldn't though, because he didn't want her to feel guilty. It was really her fault, it was his for giving in to his indulgence. "I'm sorry, Brenda. I'm trying."

"I know you are tryin', but I wish you would just let me help," she said as she stood. "It's your choice." She reached down for her phone, and turned it back on. "I'm goin' to have lunch with Captain Raydor tomorrow," she said telling the half-truth. She was going to surprise Sharon with a visit so she could talk to her. "I'm goin' to bed."

Brenda walked back into her bedroom. She rolled her to the left, hoping to relieve some tension, and looked at her phone as it turned on. She opened her messages.

'I… I wish you would stop,' Sharon's text read. Brenda's heart sunk. Sharon had been the one to kiss her first. Sharon was the one who made it more than just sex. Why was she now acting like this?

Brenda let out a deep breath, and tossed her phone on the side table. No matter how much Sharon did not want to speak with her, Brenda would force her to. She knew there was a reason Sharon was acting this way, and she wanted to know. Even if she thought she knew the reason why. She changed into her pajamas, laid down on her side of the bed, and waited for Fritz.

Brenda's eyes opened as she was jolted awake. She hated the dreams where she stepped of sidewalk and fell awake, scaring herself. She looked over to her side and could see Fritz fast asleep by her side. She groaned, and rolled onto her other side facing away from him. Her head pushed further into her pillow, trying to get comfortable.

Her mind wondered, and somehow landed on Sharon (as they had had a lot lately). She thought of how long she waited to touch Sharon like that, to feel her. It was clear that Sharon had thought of Brenda romantically before because of the way she kissed her, caressed her.

'Oh god,' Brenda thought as her mind now wondered to the details. In her minds eye she could see Sharon's body pressed against her with her mouth calling out Brenda's name as they moved into each other. She thought of the way Sharon's lips tasted of whiskey and cherries. Her mind formed the image of Sharon's breast, curving into her slender stomach, down to her hips.

Without thinking, Brenda's hand slipped her now hot center, slowly rubbing the one thing that could take her mind away from her problems. A small moan rolled out of her as she hit a sensitive spot, and she pushed her head into the pillow so Fritz wouldn't wake. Something that failed as she let out another moan.

"Brenda?" She heard Fritz ask. Her hand ripped from herself, and she turned to look at him. Nothing but fear flooded her eyes, and it is all Fritz could see on her face. No shame, or guilt, just fear. "Were you just…?" He began, not able to finish.

"I…uh… I'm sorry," she said, guilt now showing on her face. "I didn't mean to wake you."

He sat up slightly. "Have you… been doing that a lot?" Brenda pushed herself further into the bed, not wanting to answer his question. Which in itself answered it. "If you wanted to be touched so bad, why didn't you say." He moved closer to her, and wrapped his arms around her as he planted a kiss on her.

She pulled away, knowing it wasn't his lips she desperately wanted. His face grew confused. She pulled herself out of his arms.

"Fritz, no," Brenda told him. He continued to look at her for an answer. He couldn't understand that if she wanted touched so bad why wouldn't she let him. "I can't…" she said, for a few reasons. She didn't want to be touched like that unless it was Sharon, and she didn't want Fritz to think she would just give in to him anytime he wanted. She was still upset with him, and he would pay for not getting the help he needed and for making her miserable. "I think I should sleep on the couch," she said, grabbing her pillow and walking out of their bedroom. She lay down on the couch, and tried to sleep.

"Lieutenant Provenza, could you and Lieutenant Tao please bring Mrs. Knight down for questioning," Sharon ordered, gaining two nods from the two lower ranks.

"Chief?" Lieutenant Flynn asked, as he caught the woman standing in the hallway leading into the murder room. This question caused all the heads to turn to the hallways, and for Sharon's heart to sink.

"Hi y'all. So nice to see you again," Brenda said with a genuine. She glanced briefly at Sharon, taking in notice that she still didn't have glasses on. She wondered when she would get new ones.

"You too," Detective Sanchez added, making her look to him. "What are you doing here?" He wondered out loud.

Brenda smile faded lightly, and she looked over to Sharon. "I actually need to speak with Captain Raydor," she answered. Sharon looked at her, she made her lips a firm and thin line as her jaw tightened.

"I told you, I have no desire to speak with you," Sharon said simply, and leaned down to the desk in front of her. She put all of her weight down as she placed her hands on the desk for support, and pretended to read the file beneath her.

"Well, I need to speak with you. If you like I can just say it right now, in front all your team. I am sure they would love to hear of your affairs."

Sharon's right arm gave out, causing her whole body to fall forward. She stood upright, and looked at Brenda with wide horrified eyes.

"My affairs!?" Sharon exclaimed. "The nerve you have," she spat. She gripped Brenda's arms, and dragged her to her office past the confused but prying eyes.

She walked into the office, and let go of Brenda as she walked through the door. Brenda turned, shutting and locking the door. She quickly shut the blinds, and locked the door that went to the hallway.

"What is wrong with you?" Sharon shouted at her. Brenda turned from the door, and looked at Sharon. "I'm not having an affair, nor are you. We slept together once," Sharon added, now in a lower tone so anyone passing by couldn't hear. "You are making this harder than it needs to be."

Brenda could see that Sharon wasn't meaning what she said. She walked over to her, and Sharon walked to the other side of her desk to keep distance between Brenda and her.

"I just need to talk to you, Sharon. Look, I had to leave that morning-"

"-you made that very clear," Sharon finished with a stern but hurt voice.

"Let me explain, though." Brenda bit her lip, feeling like a foolish school girl. That is exactly how Sharon made her feel. "I couldn't think straight with you near me. I can still barely think straight, and it's almost a month." She moved closer to her again. "Just bein' in the same room is hard…" She looked down.

"Brenda, you don't mean it. You left me, and I understand. You have a family, a husband. I'm just someone you had a fling with, and that is fine… But I can't go further than that," Sharon insisted taking another step back, now within an inch of the window.

"It's funny," Brenda said, tilting her head, moving around the desk.

"What is?"

"That your mouth says one thin', and your eyes say somethin' completely differ'nt," Brenda said, and placed her hands on Sharon's hips. Sharon's breath got shallow, and her eyes were fixed on Brenda's lips. "And right now, your eyes are telling me you want me to kiss you."

Sharon eyes moved to Brenda's, and she opened her mouth to protest but was cut off with Brenda's mouth covering hers. Sharon knew she could not help but give into Brenda's touch, no matter how much she didn't want to. Brenda's hands moved up Sharon's side pushing her closer to her, and Sharon's hands moved onto Brenda's jaw. She felt herself losing herself in the kiss as Brenda's mouth caught every tender spot in her mouth. Brenda's left hand traveled around Sharon's side to her breast. Sharon let a soft groan roll out of her and into Brenda's mouth. Brenda pulled away from Sharon, and began placing soft kisses on her cheeks that rolled down her neck.

"I just want you," Brenda mumbled between her kisses. "I need you almost more than air," she confessed, and kissed Sharon's neck once more. Sharon added pressure to Brenda's jaw, bringing her face to hers. Brenda was now certain that it wasn't just sex they had, but they had made love.

"Do you mean that?" Sharon asked, and let her hands run down Brenda's upper chest. Her fingers began twirling the blonde locks that fell from Brenda's head. She could feel a welling in her jaw, as she tried to contain the overwhelming emotions she gained from hearing those words.

Brenda smiled lightly and nodded. "Yea, I mean it," Brenda told her, and kissed her softly once more.

Sharon pulled back this time, with a soft look on her face. She ran the back of her fingers along Brenda's cheek. A gentle smile graced her face.

"If this is what you really want, fine," Sharon started, "but not here. I will not have sex with you at work, no matter how much I want to push you against that desk and make you scream my name." Brenda raised her eyebrow, slightly caught off guard by the blunt sexual statement.

"What's stoppin' you?" Brenda questioned seductively. She pushed herself against Sharon, gaining a soft "mm" from her.

Sharon chuckled at the slightly ironic answer. "Rules," she said in almost a hum.

"Mm, can't you just forget the rules just this one time? Pretty please? I swear I will make it worth your while," Brenda continues, swaying her body so it would rub against the other woman's.

"I can't, no matter how much I want to," Sharon insisted.

"Why are you so stuck on your rules?" Brenda asked her, and Sharon's gentle face fell into one of almost sadness. She moved out of Brenda's grip, and she pulled her chair from under her desk to sit.

"I have my reasons, one being I don't want to break a rule that could get me fired," Sharon answered simply as she sat in her desk chair.

"What's the other?" Brenda wondered, pushing for more information. She leaned her behind against Sharon's desk, her old desk, and looked down to Sharon. Sharon matched her eyes, and sighed.

Sharon shook her head, knowing the other reasons were too personal to share. They were the reasons she never told anyone, things she never talked about. She let a small breath out.

"Look, if you want to do this meet me at here at 7 tomorrow," Sharon said, and wrote the name of the hotel on a piece of paper. "Can you do that?"

She took the slip of paper, and glanced down at the paper. "Yea, I can do that, but why are you avoidin' answerin' me?" She asked.

Sharon rubbed her forehead. "Look, Brenda, there are just some things I don't talk about. That is one of those things," she answered.

Brenda sighed heavily, letting go of it for now. "Fine," she muttered, and pushed her self into a seating position on Sharon's desk. Sharon rested her chin in the palm of her hand.

"Brenda, it's not that I-" she started, but stopped herself letting her hand drop to the hard wood under it. "I didn't mean it like that," she corrected herself.

Brenda smiled weakly, "I know. You aren't ready to talk about it yet. But if or when you do want to talk about it, I'm right here," she told Sharon, giving her some assurance. Sharon smiled back, and rubbed her fingers along Brenda's leg that was exposed by her knee length skirt.

"Thank you," Sharon replied, feeling a bit of relief that Brenda would be there to listen if she ever decided to actually talk about it.

"You're welcome." Brenda pushed herself off the desk. "I should be getting back to work."

"Me too," Sharon agreed, and looked for the folder she thought she had brought into her office with her.

"Before I go," Brenda started.

"Hm?" Sharon asked, looking up from her desk. She was met by Brenda's index finger trailed along her jawline to her chin, making her head tip up further. Brenda leaned down and kissed the other woman quickly but sweetly.

When she pulled back, she could see Sharon was smiling widely. Sharon's eyes were closed, wishing she could feel Brenda's lips again. She let out a soft sigh when she realized that another kiss was not going to happen, and she opened her eyes. Brenda's hand fell off Sharon's chin.

"I will see you tomorrow," Brenda said, as she made her way to the door.

"Tomorrow," Sharon repeated adding a small nod of her head. She watched the sway of Brenda's hips as she exited her office. Her smile slowly faded, and she covered her forehead with her right hand.

'Why did I agree to an affair? Could I be more stupid?' She questioned to herself. She knew the answer though, she could not resist Brenda. She knew that if Brenda had really pushed sex that she would give in, she was thankful that Brenda hadn't seen that yet.

"Capatain?" Flynn asked, knocking on the door to her office. Sharon quickly shot her head up, and wiped around her lip where she was sure lipstick had gotten from the kisses she had received. She moved over to the door, and opened it carefully.

"Yes, Lt. Flynn?" She wondered, looking directly at him and forced a smile on her face.

"I found something rather strange," he answered. She walked out of her office and followed him to his desk.

When darkness rolled over Los Angles, Sharon Raydor was sitting by the window of the hotel room. She kept checking her watch, though sometimes a full minute hadn't even past since she looked at it last. She leaned to the edge of her chair, putting all weight on her arms that were by knees, and she gripped the edge of the chair. She dropped her head, exhaling deeply. She looked over to her purse, knowing she wanted to get a cigarette from her pack to calm her nerves. As if to purposely pull her from the thought she heard a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Sharon called out, not wanting to open the door for anyone but Brenda.

"Who do you think?" Brenda called out, making Sharon give a sigh of relieve as she stood. She took off her new pair of glasses, setting them aside to be sure they would not get ruined this time. She dropped the hotel rob off her shoulders, and let it fall to the ground. She walked over to the door, and opened it slightly. Brenda walked inside the room, her eyes glued to Sharon's body while doing so.

"I thought you weren't going to come," Sharon admitted, shutting the door.

"I told you I would," Brenda said, her eyes still stuck on Sharon. "Nice underwear," she added pointing out the black lace undergarments Sharon decided to wear specifically for Brenda. Sharon shifted uneasily. Brenda dropped her bag, and keys on the counter top the hotel provided. She unbuttoned her blazer, and set it beside her bag. Sharon covered her body with her arm, getting uncomfortable standing there half naked and barely getting notice. Brenda slipped her feet out of her shoes, and turned to Sharon with a smirk on her face.

She walked over to Sharon, grabbing her hand dragging her to the hotel bed. She sat on the edge of the bed, letting Sharon stand in front of her. Brenda began kissing Sharon's bare stomach with light caresses. Sharon humed against the contact, and pushed her hands into Brenda's long blonde hair. Brenda could not get over how perfect Sharon was underneath her clothes. She moved her hands to Sharon's sides, and felt what she could only think to be a scar. Brenda pulled back as she felt a tug of Sharon's hands. She moved away from Sharon into the focal point of the bed.

She shed her shirt, tossing it aside, and grabbed both of Sharon's wrist to pull her down with her onto the bed. Brenda kissed Sharon's neck and moved up to her mouth. Her hands let go of Sharon's wrist, moving them to Sharon's bottom. The kiss growing into need with each passing second.

Sharon watched Brenda's body rise, and Sharon's hands held Brenda's hips down to the bed. Brenda gripped the hand full of Sharon's hair she had already had a hold of, and her chest arched as a scream ripped from inside her. Brenda fell back of the bed, still breathing heavy. Sharon began her hands along Brenda's hips up to her legs, and she rested her head against Brenda's inner thigh not yet moving up to meet the woman. She let Brenda gain normal breathing, and lost herself in her train of thought.

Brenda looked down between her legs at the woman resting on her thigh in a daze. She reached out and gently ran her finger along the older woman's nose, barely catching Sharon's attention.

"Sharon?" Brenda asked softly, her voice still slightly husky.

"Hm?" Sharon wondered, snapping from her daze. Brenda tilted her head lightly.

"What are you thinking about?"

Sharon sighed, trying to collect all of her thoughts into one statement. She matched Brenda's deep chocolate eyes.

"I am just thinking about how we got here," she answered. Brenda tilted her head and narrowed her eyebrows.

"What do you mean?"

"I just never thought I would be in this position with you," Sharon added, causing Brenda to laugh.

"You never thought you would be between my legs?" Brenda joked, and Sharon laughed with her.

Sharon lifted her head off Brenda's leg. "Well, that position too," she said with a smile. "But I meant in any sexual relationship."

"I never expected it either," Brenda agreed. "I mean, we use to hate each other and now look at us."

"I never hated you, Brenda," Sharon corrected.

Brenda couldn't help but let out a soft scuff. "You're kidding, right? It's like you wanted to devour me." Sharon arched her eyebrow, signifying the true statement but with another meaning. "Oh. You have felt like this me this time?"

"Not sexual, but I always wanted to be close to you… But I had to distance myself because of my job… I needed to be hated… It was easier for both of us that way," She explained, and placed a kiss on Brenda's knee. She pulled herself upward, and laid directly on top of Brenda. She rested her chin between Brenda's chest and neck.

Brenda looked down at her at a weird angle. She could never imagine working in IA, having no choice but to be a bitch. She could not imagine pushing everyone away because she had to so she wasn't bias. Brenda took a lot of things lightly, but the fact that Sharon had survived there made Brenda think she was that much stronger. Yet, here, looking down into Sharon's eyes green eyes she looked so fragile.

"When did you start having feelings for me?" Sharon asked, and slide down Brenda's side so they could both lie comfortably.

Brenda let her arm wrap around Sharon, gripping her shoulder lightly. She stayed like this as she thought of the answer. It was something she hadn't really thought of.

"I don't know," she answered truthfully. "I think it may have been during the lawsuit, when everyone turned their backs on me but you. The one person I thought would rub in my face was the person that helped me through all of it… At some point during all of that, it took me picturing you at my office to get up and go to work… I couldn't even have sex with Fritz without thinking of you, and it terrified me… I tried so hard to push the feelings back, but when you kissed me that night it all came pouring out of me," she clarified.

"Am I as good as you fantasized?" Sharon played.

"Better," Brenda whispered gently, and kissed the top of her head. Sharon smirked, and added more weight to her head as she adjusted herself into a more suitable position.

"Good," she got out.

They fell silent for a while, just holding each other and thinking. Brenda's hand grew a slight tingle with the weight of Sharon pressing against it, to stop it from falling asleep she began to run her hands down Sharon's bare back to her side. Her finger's ran gently over the scar over Sharon's ribs again, and then moved back up to it tracing the outline of it. She felt Sharon tense slightly, and she could sense the scar was something that held a deep impact on her.

"Where did this scar come from?" Brenda asked out loud without fully realizing she did so. Sharon pulled away slightly, but Brenda tightened her grasp so she couldn't. Sharon turned into her, and placed a deep lustful kiss on Brenda's lips. Brenda couldn't help but forget the question as Sharon's lips made her mind become mush, that was until Brenda realized that is exactly why Sharon was kissing her; so she would forget the question. Brenda placed her hand on Sharon's shoulder, and pushed her back to break the kiss. She looked meaningfully into Sharon's eyes. She got a weary smile, and placed her free hand on Sharon's cheek. "It's one of those thing you don't talk about, ain't it?" She asked.

"It is," Sharon answered, and slumped slightly against Brenda's naked body.

"You are one for deals," Brenda stated, "so here is one for you; how about you tell me what happened, and I will give you a story about one of my scars?" Brenda offered.

Sharon shifted uneasily, this was more than just a deal or a scar, it was a large part of her life in a single scar. "Brenda, I can't… It's more than a simple battle wound… It's a broken wound that formed me," she explained hoping to get Brenda to lean off, but it only made Brenda wonder that much more.

"Do you realize how much I love to hear that? Sharon, I want to know this underlining I am seeing when we make love, but you won't show me. I want to know you, and you are blocking me… You don't have to be scared…" Brenda sighed lightly. "How about two scars for the one," she raised the stakes with a small smile.

Sharon took a shaky breath, it was clear Brenda would not let this go. Looking into her eyes Sharon wanted to tell Brenda, but she had never actually told anyone. She couldn't deny Brenda though; if Brenda wanted the moon and all the stars, God help her, she would give her everything to give it to her. She smiled weakly, knowing it would be hard but she needed to do it. Maybe it would be better to finally tell someone, to not hold this demon anymore.

"Fine," Sharon agreed finally. "I get to choose which two, and you have to give your stories first."

Brenda raised her eyebrow and nodded lightly. "Deal."

"Okay," Sharon said, and remembered the scars that stuck out when they were caressing. Her hands gently moved to Brenda's neck and moved to a small circles etched into her skin. "This one," she told her. She let her hands move back down Brenda's body to a surgery scar that was barely noticeable on her upper abdomen to the side more to the right. "And this one."

"Alright, we will start with this one," Brenda said, identifying the scar on her neck. "Though, I must say I am surprised you don't already know."

"What do you mean?"

"It happened on the job years ago…" Brenda began. "I killed a man, a suspect… " This confession caused Sharon to raise an eyebrow, and made her wonder how she missed that while looking into Brenda's background. "Though, when I went to question him I didn't think he was a suspect. That was until I added it all together, but it was to late. He attacked me with a cattle prong-"

"A cattle prong?" She asked in almost disbelief.

"Yes, he would brand his victims with it before he would kill them. He hit me with it twice, and I shot at least ten times that," she finished.

"How _did_ I miss that story?" Sharon questioned, with almost a laugh.

"I don't know," Brenda said, honestly not knowing.

"And the other scar?" Sharon pressed on.

"When I was 18 my younger cousin had kidney failure, so I gave her one of mine because I was her only match… She would have been dead if she'd waited to make the top of the list for a transplant."

"That was a very noble thing of you to do, Brenda," Sharon told her.

"I don't think of it as noble, I just didn't want my cousin to die… And my parents got so mad at me for doing it, but I couldn't see her suffering anymore." Sharon pursed her lips, trying not to explain to Brenda that is what made it noble. Brenda looked down to Sharon. "Your turn."

Sharon sat up slightly, knowing the story would be much longer Brenda's combined. She faced Brenda, and took a deep breath. She opened her mouth but nothing came out.

"Sharon?" Brenda asked concerned.

"Hold on," Sharon barely got out. "I just need a second…" She tried to scrambled the facts in her head, and she didn't know how to start. "The scar is obviously from a surgery. They had to, uh… they had to reconnect my ribs because three of them literally snapped in half. You can actually feel the plate in there that holds it together," Sharon explained. She grabbed Brenda's hand, and carefully applied pressure so Brenda would feel the metal plates. She dropped Brenda's hand, but did not let it needing it for comfort to tell the rest of the story.

"One of the ribs actually punctured my lung and the EMT's had to drain the blood from them on the way to the hospital. Thank god that scar finally healed."

"How… Why did your ribs get broken so bad?" Brenda pressed.

Sharon swallowed as she knew the hardest part was ahead. "I was… It was when… I was beaten years ago," she finally told then realized that it could have been taken wrong. "I wasn't in an abusive relationship, or anything like that…" She paused, letting the memory she forced back for so long to reappear in front of her eyes. "Over thirty years ago… When I was 23…" Sharon stumbled, making it more than clear that Sharon had most defiantly not shared this story often. "I was going to the University of Utah for my graduates in Psychology-"

"Psychology? Really?" Brenda pondered, not seeing Sharon as the Psychology type.

"Yes, I was doing it for the research part of psychology, not to become a psych or therapist and help people with their problems… I would have been terrible at that."

Brenda laughed slightly, agreeing. "I was at the library till closing, studying. It was very late, and my car broke down so I had to walk to my dorm…" Brenda's stomach lurched, not liking where this was heading. "I was so scared because there had been three cases of women on campus that had been beaten, and murdered… I was so happy when a police man stopped me and asked me if I wanted a ride to my dorm. When he drove past my housing I started to feel uneasy, but then he kept driving till we were near the woods. He pulled over the car and told me to get out. When I questioned him, he pulled out his gun. He made me walk down the ditch into the woods, and forced me on my knees. When he tried taking off my clothes I fought back. I hit him, and I broke his nose and jaw… Then he took out his gun, and I grabbed it. We fought over it, and he pistol whipped me in my rips, breaking them. I had never felt so much pain in my life, and I tumbled over." Her breath was now uneven, and she was shaking. Brenda moved in closer, squeezing her hand for reassurance.

"I remember him on top of me, gripping my hair, and smashing my head into the ground. I had never in my life felt so helpless. I used all the strength I could, and fought with him for the gun. At some point, which has become hazy over the years, I shot him in the back, and he fell down. I had never shot anyone before, but I knew I hit his spine so it was bad. I heard somebody calling, and I collapsed… Everything just went black after that… Next thing I knew I was in a hospital room and 3 days had passed. A passing by officer had seen the empty patrol car and came looking, and came across what was happening. He arrested the officer, and he is facing life without parole," she tied off.

"Sharon, I'm so sorry, I had no idea." Sharon shook her head. She leaned back down into Brenda's chest, needing the sound of her heartbeat. "Thank god you survived that."

"I do," Sharon added. "If it weren't for that I would have never become a police officer. I left Salt Lake City because I didn't feel safe there anymore… I came to LA, took self-defense classes, and decided that I wanted to be a police officer to stop people, police and civilian alike, from doing what that man did to me."

"You came out stronger," Brenda said with all seriousness, gaining more insight into why Sharon had join FID. "But aren't you kind of upset he didn't get death?"

Sharon sighed lightly. "At first I was, but I soon realized that I am glad that bastard gets to sit in prison paralyzed knowing that he fucked with the wrong girl that night, and it makes me so glad to know he won't hurt anymore girls…"

Brenda laughed slightly. "You're one tough cookie, aren't you?"

Sharon chuckled with her. "Damn straight," she added. "I try not to focus on the past, it can't be changed and I am happy where I am."

"Are you?" Brenda questioned, placing her hand on Sharon's knee and smiling.

"I am." Her stomach growled lightly, and she sat up. "Have you eaten yet?" She asked Brenda.

"Uh, no. Why?" Brenda asked, sitting up as well.

"I am going to get some room service, and I wondered if you wanted any," Sharon elaborated. Brenda could still sense Sharon's hesitation and awkwardness about sharing the part of her so well hidden, so Brenda thought she would flatter her.

"I would, thank yew," Brenda said, rubbing Sharon's leg gently. She kissed Sharon's forehead, and moved off the bed.

"Where are you going?"

"To the restroom, unless your rather I do that here?" Brenda joked.

"No, go ahead," Sharon said, laughing slightly. She watched the sway of Brenda's hips as she made her way to the bathroom.

She gently sighed, and reached over for the phone by the bedside. She called room service, placing an order to be sent to the room, and laid back down on the bed. She wrapped herself in the blanket provided, and inhaled deeply as the blanket smelt like Brenda. She scooted into the bed, further and felt herself drifting off to sleep. That was until she felt the bed moving beside her as the weight of Brenda shifted the bed, and she heard the sound of the comforter lifting. She heard Brenda hum softly as she moved closer to Sharon. Brenda's arm wrapped around Sharon's waist, holding her close, and Sharon wrapped her fingers into Brenda's. Brenda kissed Sharon's shoulder lightly, and curled her head into Sharon's back.

"The food will be here in 15 minutes," Sharon told Brenda.

"That's quick," Brenda answered simply, and pushed further into Sharon to make no space anywhere between them.

"Hm, yes it is," Sharon agreed, not thinking too much of what Brenda had said. She was too caught up in the contact of Brenda's skin against her, and the warmth of it. She felt comfort in the closeness, and, as much as it scared her, she needed it. She had been alone so long she had almost forgotten what it felt like, and even then it still had never felt this good. Neither could tell how long had passed before the someone spoke.

"Don't fall asleep on me," Brenda said, at hearing Sharon's breathing getting heavier and longer. Sharon smiled softly.

"I guess you just wear me out," Sharon joked back, nudging her shoulder back slightly against Brenda's head. Brenda chuckled.

"Maybe it is just your age," Brenda teased. Sharon's eyes opened, and she broke her comfortable position to look at Sharon.

"You did _not_ just call me old," Sharon responded, almost stunned but still smiling.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."

"Oh, you little-"

"-What are you going to do about it?" Brenda questioned.

Sharon raised her eyebrow, and turned towards Brenda. She rolled herself on top of Brenda, a state that she was gladly growing accustom to. Her hair fell to the sides of her face. Sharon knew she was too tired for another round of sex, but she was bound determined to get Brenda back. She reached down between Brenda's legs, but before she could make contact there was a knock at the door.

"Room service," a mans voice came from the other side of the door. Sharon growled, and Brenda laughed. Brenda gently pushed Sharon off her, and Sharon moved off the bed. She grabbed the robe that she had discarded long ago to the floor, and threw it on quickly as another knock came through the door.

"Coming," Sharon answered.

She opened the opened the door just enough to see the man with the cart for their room, then opened it the rest of the way. He had short black hair, and brown eyes. She could see tattoos peeking from the top of his uniform, and holes where his gages would have been. He was young, barely old enough to bare the tattoos he had. He began to walk the cart into the room, and Sharon placed her hand the cart on it.

"No, no. I've got it," she told him. The man drew his eyebrows together, and looked into the room quickly. He saw Brenda on the bed with nothing but the hotel bed comforter covering her, and he looked back up to Sharon.

"Cool, cool," he added with a nonjudgmental nod. "Just leave push the trey back out when you're done. Or if you leave before the nights out, just leave it in the room and the maid'll get it."

He turned around and left without another word. Sharon grabbed the cart of food, and carefully wheeled it into the room. She was chuckling slightly at the carelessness of the boys reaction. She wondered if it was something he saw often.

"Food is here," she told Brenda, though she knew Brenda had guessed. She took each platter and set it on the bed in front of Brenda.

"I don't think I have ever had Dinner in bed," Brenda said with a smile.

"Well, looks like you and I are having more than one first with each other," Sharon added. She lifted the first plate, revealing a piece of chocolate cake. Brenda looked up to Sharon with joyful eyes.

"Oh, Sharon. Thank yew," Brenda said truly heartfelt.

"I know you like your chocolate, Brenda Leigh."

Brenda smirked, glad that Sharon remember, but she knew it was a hard thing to forget. None the less, it made her glad. She watched as Sharon lifted the next platter trey, relieving a plate of smoked roast beef with herbed mashed potatoes.

"I didn't know what you wanted so I got us both this," Sharon said, lifting her plate.

"That is fine," Brenda accepted. "It smells delicious."

"Bet it taste better."

Brenda grabbed her fork, willing to try this theory. She took a sliver of the pulled meat, and took a bit. Sharon followed the motions. They ate in comfortable silence, enjoying the food. As Brenda neared finishing her food she realized how fast she had eaten, and wished it had gone by slower. She looked up to Sharon, letting her eyes travel along the bit of skin exposed from where the slit in the robe was coming undone.

"What's your middle name?" Brenda questioned her. Sharon looked up from her plate, meeting Brenda's eyes.

"My middle name?" Sharon repeated.

"Yea, you do have one don't ya?"

"Of course, I just don't ever actually use it… Or say it."

"Well, I still wanna know what it is," Brenda pressed.

Sharon squinted her eyes. "Why?"

"You know mine."

"Everybody knows yours," Sharon reminded her.

"I know, but don't you think it is a little far if I know yours now… I mean, we are sleeping together," Brenda pointed out. Saying it out loud made it official, she was undoubtly having an affair with this woman.

Sharon tilted her head, she didn't see the harm in telling Brenda. It's not like Brenda couldn't find it out anyway, if she really wanted.

"It's Christine," Sharon said, giving up information hardly anyone knew.

"Christine?" Brenda checked, getting a nod from Sharon. "Sharon Christine Raydor, my that is a pretty name. Your parents did a wonderful job picking that out."

"Thanks," Sharon said with a slight smile. "Though, Raydor is not my maiden name, I just never changed it when I got divorced."

Brenda opened her mouth to ask her what her maiden name was and why she never changed it, but was cut off by her phone ringing. She sighed, and slide off the bed to walk over to her purse on the counter. She dug her phone out of the large black bag, and answered it as sweet as ever.

"Brenda Leigh," she said answering it. Sharon could heard yelling on the other side, though she couldn't make out what was being said. "Fritzy, calm down. I just lost track of time, I- I will be home shortly." More shouting came from the other end. "I know. I know… Please, don't-" she was cut off by Fritz's yelling once more. She didn't dare tell Sharon the cause of this, embarrassed that she _knew_ in the back of her mind she was to blame for his drinking and that he was drunk at this moment. "Look, Fritz, I said I will be home shortly. You want to keep yelling, and looking to play the blame game, look in the mirror," she said, and hung up knowing that she had only set herself up for an even bigger argument when she got home. She turned to Sharon, who was still sitting on the bed. "Sorry, but I-"

"-have to go," Sharon finished.

"Yea," Brenda said with an apologetic face. "I wish I could stay and eat that cake."

"Oh, you can take it. I wont eat it," Sharon insisted.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive, I am more of a cheesecake kind of girl."

Brenda smiled gently, and sat back down on the bed. "I will eat it before I go," she said, lifting the plate. She slide closer to Sharon, and Sharon wrapped her arms around her so she could lean on her. Brenda silently ate her cake, enjoying both the warmth of Sharon's body and the delicious cake. Sharon was placing soft kisses on Brenda's shoulder as she ate. When she finished, she set the plate back on the bed and turned to Sharon. "I don't want to go home. I want to stay like this, just me and you."

Sharon's face was gentle, and she smiled weakly. "I don't want you to go either…" She looked closer to Brenda's mouth.

"What?"

"You've got cake on your lip," Sharon addressed. She leaned in close to Brenda. "I'll get it." She swiftly kissed Brenda, taking the chocolate frosting off Brenda's lip. "Mm, maybe I should have eaten that, it's good." Brenda smiled, and kissed Sharon once more. This time they were separated by Sharon's phone ringing. Sharon sighed, and located her blazer.

"Capatain Raydor," she answered her phone. She watched Brenda get off the bed, and begin dressing herself.

"Sharon, where are you?" Rusty's voice came out. "I called your office, and no one answered. Then I called Buzz and he said you left hours ago."

"Sorry, Rusty. I was just out with a friend, I am heading home now."

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye," she said and hung up. She looked over to Sharon. "Rusty," she told Brenda.

Brenda nodded, trying to locate her skirt. Sharon joined her in dressing, and they both did so quickly. Brenda had finished first, and leaned against the counter watching Sharon.

"When can we do this again?" Brenda wondered, knowing she wanted it to be soon.

Sharon threw her shirt over her body, and sighed thinking. "I don't know, how about lunch time on next Thursday? You can come over my house."

"I'd like that."

"Good, so it's set." Sharon said, putting on her last piece of clothing, her blazer.

"It's set."

"Okay. I know I really have to go, and I know you do too."

Brenda huffed, not wanting to go home to the fight she knew awaited her. "Yea, I do."

"I'll see you then," Sharon said, giving her a quick kiss goodbye, and left the room. Brenda left a few minutes later after trying to prolong her leaving by cleaning up a little. But she eventually left the hotel room and headed home.

**A/N:**__Okay guys, sorry about a few things. One how long it's been since I've updated; I've worked a lot, my internet got shut off, and I was moving so I didn't get to post this when I originally planned. Also, I am sorry for the heaviness on Sharon's past. I was trying to avoid something like that, but I had to because of a plot in much later chapters that fully reveals Sharon's past and why she is the way she is.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sharon opened the door to her apartment, sweat rolling off down her forehead that she wiped away with the back of her hand. She turned to shut the door as silently as she could and walked over into her kitchen for a glass of water. She heard rustling in the next room, and she heard Rusty's door open. She sighed lightly with defeat and sat down with her glass at the dining room table still panting. She took a drink and looked up at Rusty as he walked by her to the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," she apologized.

"You didn't," he replied, reaching into the cupboard for a glass "I was already awake. Couldn't sleep." He turned to the fridge for milk. "You go running?"

She looked down at her attire, which consisted of sweat covered exercise top, jacket, and yoga pants. Her hair was up, but fallen out of it's lose bun.

"Uh, yea. I couldn't really sleep either," she admitted.

Yesterday Rusty had gone out with his father, and Sharon had yet to ask him how it went. It wasn't the first time they had gone out, and she knew it was unlikely the last, but she couldn't help but feel a bit sadder each time he left. And today, Sharon would be seeing Brenda for the second time, officially. She had been too conflicted between excitement and slight depression to sleep.

Rusty leaned against the counter. "Do you want breakfast?" He asked, noting that he had another hour before he needed to get ready for work.

She grinned. "I would love breakfast," she said with a glee. She sighed, and stood. "I probably smell horrific, so while you're cooking I am going to jump into shower."

"Thanks," he added as she walked back to the bathroom.

.*.*.*.

Sharon set her brush down after running her brush through her wet hair, and looked at herself in the mirror. Her make-up was done as she liked it, and slacks were pressed perfectly as she had ironed them last night. She pulled her blazer over her arms, flipping her wet hair over it. She hated how her hair was always the last thing to get done because of how slow it dried.

"Sharon, breakfast is done," she heard rusty call out. She let out a small breath, knowing she would have to wait to fix her hair, and walked out to the dining room.

Rusty was setting a two plates of pancakes down on the table next to a small plate with butter and syrup. A glass of milk was set by each plate.

"I made pancakes," he said.

"I can see that, thank you," she replied, taking a seat at the end of the table. Rusty sat down beside her, in his normal seat.

"They aren't regular pancakes," he informed her as she began placing the butter on them. She looked up to him with curious eyes.

"How do you mean?" She questioned, now a bit skeptical.

"I don't like regular pancakes so I add cinnamon, nutmeg, and vanilla to them," he explained.

"That sounds different, but amazing," she continued with eagerness now in her voice. She resumed buttering them, and handed the butter to Rusty. She began pouring syrup onto the pancakes. "I know I haven't asked, but how was it yesterday with your father?"

Rusty paused only for a moment, he had been expecting the question. "It was fine."

"Fine?"

"We went to the museum, he just kept talking about his family. When he asked about me, I just froze like I always do. I can't stand it when he asks about me, because I don't want him to know. He can't know about me on the streets… And I don't want to see him, it just hurts more to know that if he knows about my past, he'll be gone just like my mom. You're the only person who doesn't judge me, and I just wish there was a way I could stay."

"Me too," she agreed. She wanted him to stay, not only because she knew it would be best and the less likely for him to relapse. "But until we get reach that point, we can make the best out of the time we have. And even once you leave, you know you are welcome here any time you want even or when you do leave."

He nodded his head, and took a bit of his food. They ate in silence for a few moments, until Sharon realized that Rusty kept looking at her. She hoped it wasn't for the same reason as last week, when she had gotten home from the hotel and he had pointed out that something was "different" about her.

"What?" She asked, tilting her head and looking around.

"Well, I want to ask you something, but I know you'll say no," Rusty began.

"How do you know for certain if you don't ask," she said.

He sighed. "Because I know you."

"Rusty, what is it?"

He set down his fork on his plate. "Look if you say no, I get it. Uh, our drama club wants to take a trip but there are some stipulations."

Sharon lifted her eyebrow. "Such as?"

"Well, one, I don't know how long I will be here for so we aren't doing the trip though the school. Two, all the of parent's pitched in for it and we have more than enough for all of us, and we were wondering if you could come with us. All of the parents know that since it's not through the school, so if it's you, since you're a cop, that takes us, they will let us go."

"How many is 'us', and where is it that you intend to go?"

"Uh, like I said just the drama club, so 5."

"Okay, and where?" She pressed on.

"New York City for a week."

Sharon's face fell, and her hand dropped to the table. "New York City?"

"Yea, but hear me out," he pleaded. She waved her hand, allowing his rant wanting to see what exactly was going on in New York. "We want to go see the different types of theater, not just drama, to see how we can correlate it into acting," he explained his clearly well practiced speech. "So, we were going to see shows of all fine arts areas; Broadway, the Met for an opera, orchestra, ballet, musical theater, and just the sights. I know you like that stuff," he said, throwing his thumb over his shoulder to her wall behind her desk to the paintings. "And we want the experience to witness the best. And there is enough money for us, plus one more if you wanted to invite someone, hotel, plane, and food, and some spending."

Sharon shook her head. "How did you get that much money for all of that?"

"Gavine, the drama club president, his dad is like a billionaire and is paying for it. He thinks it will be a great learning experience for us, and giving us some culture." She could see the excitement in his eyes, and hear it in his voice. "We are scheduling it around my chess tournament, because three of us are in it so I wont miss that."

"When is it this trip?"

"Well, if you agree to go, the end of next month."

She sighed. "I will think about it, and let you know," she said, honestly considering it. It would be nice to get away for while, but she didn't know if she could get that long off.

"Thank you, Sharon," he replied with hope. She nodded, and took the next bite of her pancake.

.*.*.*.

"Sharon?" The sweet Georgia accent rang. Sharon peeked her left eye open and looked at the blonde woman over her pillow.

"Yes?" Sharon said gently barely even speaking at all as she was to lost in the moment. She wouldn't admit it, but it scared her how much she let herself go with at Brenda's side. Scared of how much time flew by, and how less she cared of the world around her.

Brenda's hands smoothed over Sharon's back. "Oh my, your back is tense!" she exclaimed, forgetting why she had originally called her.

"I can't remember the last time it wasn't," she said laughing slightly.

"That's terrible, haven't you ever gotten a message or somethin'?" Brenda wondered.

"I've tried, but they've never worked."

"Well, maybe it just never the right hands," Brenda said with a suggesting tone.

"Oh?"

"Yes, in fact, maybe I should try," she offered. Sharon knew it was unlikely that Brenda could relieve the tension in her back, but she was more than happy to let her attempt to do so.

"I don't see the harm," Sharon agreed. She rolled on to her back, and let Brenda straddle her carefully. She could feel the heat from Brenda pressing against the lowest part of her back, and Brenda's hands pressing firmly on her neck. Brenda's fingertips kneaded at Sharon's neck and down her spine, causing a shiver to roll throughout Sharon's back. She felt her humming softly at her tender touch.

Brenda watched the woman become more and more relaxed as her hands ran across her bare back. Her hums getting fainter with each stroke of her hand, and her eyes slip close without fighting it. It wasn't long until Sharon's breathing completely changed into a shallow and deep exhale. Brenda chuckled lightly, knowing she had fallen asleep.

She looked over to the clock on Sharon's bedside, and saw that they had ten minutes to be back at work. As silent as she could, she opened the side table and was relieved to see a memo pad sitting inside it. She saw the memo on the page it was currently on, 'Call Virginia' written in Sharon's swift cursive. That was all that was on the page, but Brenda couldn't help but feel it was important. She opened the folded memo pad, so both the memo already written and hers could be seen. She pulled the pen from the spiral wire and carefully wrote out her message for her lover. When she finished, she set the memo pad beside Sharon's bedside and picked up Sharon's phone. After sending a quick to Lieutenant Provensa, pretending to be Sharon and lying saying that she hadn't felt good, she dressed.

She stood in the doorway for a moment, debating if she would leave the woman asleep, but she couldn't find herself to wake her when she looked so peaceful. She sighed as her face formed a small smirk, still not believing Sharon had agreed to this affair. She also still found it hard to wrap her head around the fact that Sharon wanted her, something she had never fully considered and now couldn't help but be overwhelmed with glee. She shut the door as quiet as she could and left the apartment back to reality.

.*.**.

"Sharon?" Sharon her voice being called. She groaned and rolled over not wanting to wake. "Sharon, wake up. It's five," she now could make out Rusty's voice as the one calling her. She opened her eyes, and could see daylight pouring in.

She squinted, not understanding how it could be five with daylight. She looked over to Rusty, who was standing a few feet from her bed with his school uniform still on, clearly moving toward her to wake her by force. She realized that it wasn't five in the morning, but at night. She tried to recall the last thing she remember, and that was Brenda messaging her back around noon. Her eyes opened wide, recalling that she was not wearing anything during that and looked down at her bare back carelessly exposed, almost exposing her chest. She grabbed her blanket, covering herself.

"Go," she muttered. He nodded and walked out awkwardly, shutting the door behind him.

She let out a heavy breath, not believing she had allowed herself to fall asleep for four hours, or that Brenda had let her stay asleep. She reached over to her end table for her phone. She found her memo pad out with her phone on top of it. She sat up, and saw the hand written note by Brenda.

'Sharon, you fell asleep and just couldn't bring myself to wake you. Don't worry about work, I text Provensa from your phone saying your weren't feeling well. I hope your back feels better. Love, BJ'

Sharon couldn't help but smile lightly. She grabbed her phone, checking to make sure the message was received. She unlocked her phone, seeing that she had two messages. The first was Detective Sykes asking where she was, and the second was Provensa's response saying that she would be covered for the rest of today. She also saw a missing phone call from Rusty's phone. She slid off of her bed and grabbed her dress from the floor. The navy blue shift dress pulled over her body with ease. She looked into the mirror, fixing her hair and makeup.

She could hear laughter coming from the living room, and she brought her eyebrows together. How _had_ Rusty gotten home from school? She carefully walked out of her bedroom, and walked to the living room.

"Dude, you can't do an southern accent. I'm sorry, but just stop, you're hurting my ears," said an unfamiliar voice. She walked through the hallway and found a young boy about Rusty's age sitting on her couch. He had short dark brown hair that was neatly pushed back with gel, and matching dark eyes. His skin was olive, and his smile wide.

"Hello?" Sharon questioned, causing the young man to look at her. He continued to smile as he stood.

"Nice to finally meet you Captain Raydor, I'm Gavine," he introduced, sticking his hand out for her to shake it.

"Nice to meet you too, though I am curious as to why you are here," she added.

"Uh, I dropped Rusty off because you weren't picking up."

"Oh, yes, well I fell accidently fell asleep. Thank you for giving him a ride."

"It, uh, it was no problem," he said sweetly, glancing at Rusty then down to the floor. "I didn't mind it at all."

Sharon turned her head to the right ever so slightly, catching the boys actions. She nodded, accepting his explanation.

"Thank you anyways," she repeated. He smiled lightly.

"Welcome." He stood, picking his tan messenger bag off the ground. "I should be going."

"Oh, you don't have to," Rusty said, almost begging him to stay. "I mean, Sharon, would you mind if he had dinner with us?"

Sharon, caught off guard, nodded simply. "I guess. It's the least I could do for you bring Rusty home." Not only was it that, but she didn't want to confront Rusty about what all he had seen while in her room just moments ago, not yet anyway.

"Thanks, Captain Raydor. Just let me call my father, and let him know," he said, stepping aside.

Dinner was entertaining, and Sharon couldn't help but catch the small flirtatious gestures that Gavine was giving towards Rusty. By the time Gavine left it was nearly 10pm, and Sharon was exhausted once again. She now remembered exactly why she never took more than a half hour nap during the day, they made her feel worse during the rest of the day than just staying awake.

Rusty leaned over the sink, grabbing a plate to rinse it as he helped her with dishes. He handed the dish to her, and she placed it carefully into the dish washed. She shut the dish washer and leaned against the counter top, starring at Rusty.

"What?" Rusty questioned, feeling awkward with her just standing there looking at him with a smug look.

"He likes you, you know?" She pointed out.

"Who does, Gavine?" He let out a nervous laugh as Sharon nodded. "No, Gavine doesn't like guys…"

"Does he know you are-"

"-No" he cut her off, seeing where she was heading with the conversation. "Why would I announce that to a bunch of people at a Catholic school?"

"Point taken," she conceded. "But I can tell he does. Maybe he is in the same situation you are, but maybe more so. Maybe he can't come out to anyone. Just the way he looks at you. Do you- do you like him?"

Rusty sighed, rested his hand on the edge of the sink, and looked down bashfully. "Yea, I think… I don't really know. Like, I do, but I also really like someone else… But I can't do anything about either of them."

"Why not?" She wondered, wanting him to be truly happy.

"Gavine, if he is gay, is in the closet. His dad would kill him, and I know that… And," his voice dropped. "The other guy is just a lot of reasons why I couldn't." She could tell he didn't want to finish the statement, and she knew better than to press for it.

"I just want you to be happy, Rusty," she told him. He looked up to her with a small smile, he knew she was trying and he knew he could never thank her enough for actually putting an effort into helping him.

"I know. Thanks for being concerned." They walked over to the living room and began talking about their day. He tilted his head, now knowing that he did see something different about Sharon that he hadn't mistaken. He was also curious about the events he had gone through once he arrived home. "Are you happy, Sharon?"

Sharon lifted her right eyebrow. "What do you mean? Happy about what?"

"With…" he hesitated, wondering if he would actually ask her. "With you lover?"

She pulled her head back slightly, taken off guard thought she should have expected a question about him finding her barely covered in her room. She had defiantly not anticipated that sort of question. She let the thought swirl around in her head for a moment before answering, not fully knowing how to answer.

"I want to yes, but it's very complicated," she answered truthfully.

"Complicated how?"

"I love this person, and it scares me to death. I never felt so strongly towards anyone, but when I am with this I am someone I don't recognize myself. It's like I am a completely different person," she elaborated.

He nodded, understanding. "There is more?" He wondered, seeing her uneasy and knowing that there was.

Sharon closed her eyes. She didn't want Rusty to think less of her, but she didn't want to lie to him either. She dropped her head back looking at the ceiling and closed her eyes, not wanting to look him in the eye as she admitted her sin.

"The person I am seeing is married," she confessed.

"What!? You're having an affair!?" He exclaimed, from genuine shock. The woman he had known to play by the rules to a T, breaking one of the most biggest ones.

"I'm not proud of it, Rusty," she said, bring her head back down. "It's stupid, and selfish, and beyond dangerous… And I honestly don't know what I am going to do when it all falls apart, which I know it's going to. I know it is, but I can't stop. I tried and I was miserable. I can't lose this and you at the same time, I just couldn't take it. I'm not that strong."

He could see the worry and fear in her eyes as they refrained from tears. He had never seen her like this, so scared. For the first time he finally saw how much he meant to her.

"You are stronger than you know, Sharon," he told her with a sad look on his face. "Not many people would be able to deal with me the way you have." She smirked weakly.

"That is very true," she agreed with a light chuckle. "Thank you Rusty."

"For what?"

"For not judging me," she admitted, feeling a bit of relive.

"Yea, the former gay child prostitute is going to judge the only person who has ever given a damn about him for having an affair with the person they love, even though she never judged him in the slightest… Because that makes sense," he joked. She laughed again, knowing the facts he stated were true.

She rested her elbow on the top of her couch, and rested her cheek on the knuckles of her hand. "Do you want to go out for ice cream?"

"Am I like five or something?" He asked in all seriousness.

"Is that a no?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No, ice cream actually sounds really good."

She stood. "Get your shoes on. I know the best place in all of LA to get ice cream, and it's open 24 hours."

He got up, and walked to his room. She followed him down the hall to get her shoes and bag from her room. She sat on her bed and watched through her open door into his room as he frantically looked for his misplaced sneakers.

She knew it was inevitable, his leaving, but she now couldn't imagine him not being there. How silent her home would once again become. How alone it would feel. She had moved there only a few years ago when her youngest, Caycee, moved to Seattle for college because she couldn't bare to live in the house she had raise her children in alone. It was to haunting and made her depressed to be there alone. With memories that would never be lingering in each wall. She couldn't help but wonder if that would be the case with Rusty.

They had grown so close, and she had made such progress with him. For him to just be thrown into another unwanted living arrangement seemed absurd, at least to her anyway. She worried about how he would regress into who he was, instead of become the man she knew he could be. It terrified her, but she knew that, if it came down to his father wanting custody, she could do nothing. She just hoped that Rusty understood that he could come over unannounced whenever he pleased, that he was always welcome in her home.

"Found them!" He called out, now flung over the edge of his bed with his right hand supporting him from falling into the floor and the left reaching under the bed for his shoes.

"Good," she replied holding her composer as she always did. It was hard to notice, but she was very often one thread snip away from breaking down. She put on her mask, not wanting Rusty to see how sad she was, and walked out of her room flinging her bag over her shoulder. "Let's go."

**A/N: **Yes, this is a very Rusty/Sharon centric story, but for reason. How was I suppose to write this from Sharons POV and not included it… There will be more of their mother/son-ish relationship down the road, but it has two paths at the moment (both leading in the same general direction, it just depends on the season finale [aka whether or not Rusty stay's at Sharon's or moves with his father]). I know the conversation seem a bit out of character (esp Sharon admitting to Rusty she is having an affair), but she needed to tell someone and she hates lying to Rusty (because she figures he has been lied to enough in his life), but she is not going to willingly tell the whole truth either (that it is with Brenda). Also, there is some things in this setting up for later chapters. Warning, lots of fluff and smut in the next chapter…


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **I know Gavine is the name of the Lawyer that was in The Closer, I forgot so there are two… Whoops…. On a side note, I miss the original Gavine… Maybe that's why I subconsciously made this one. But I am going to start referring to him as Gav, so it doesn't get confusing.

Also, I'm sorry for the delay in posting. I don't have internet right now, but on my phone.

Chapter 4

Rusty turned to Sharon as they kept walking to her office. "Hey Sharon, Gav was wondering if I could come over to his house today? He says that since I had such a shitty week he was invited me to go bowling with his family."

Sharon gently smiled, knowing that the facts were accurate. "I think after the week you've had, you deserve it. What time is he picking you up?"

"Eleven."

"That's fine."

"Thanks."

"Just get the rest of your homework done before then," she added a catch.

"Will do," he agreed, breaking off to the break room.

She turned into the murder room, seeing her squad sitting at their desk finishing their paper work on yesterdays case. She walked into her office just in time to feel her phone vibrating in her pocket. She fished it out, and could see a new message from Brenda.

'Can I see you today?' was all the text read, and she couldn't help but to read it in Brenda's voice. Sharon shrugged off her jacket, and placed it on her desk. She sunk into her chair, and starred at her phone. She rubbed her lips together, taking a deep inhale through her nose. She exhaled as she began typing.

'Lunch?' She replied. She set her phone down beside her jacket. She reached down into her drawer and pulled out the file she had been working on since last night before she left. If Brenda would agree to it see her at lunch at least she could be a bit calmer about the whole Rusty/Daniel situation then she had been the past week. Though Daniel had signed away his rights, she couldn't let go of what he had done. Her phone went off once again, and she lifted it to unlock it.

'Sounds great.'

'Meet me here, and we can stop at Oregano's.'

'I've never eaten there.'

'Well, it will be my treat then. Do you have today off?'

'I always have weekends off…'

Sharon laughed slightly. 'I envy you. I would kill for a weekend off.'

'… I see what you did there. But don't envy me, I hate being home alone.'

'You're home alone?'

'Fritz usually works weekends too, which I guess right now is more of a good thing considering….'

'Considering what?'

It took a while before Brenda replied, and Sharon had actually begun working on her report. She only got to the first suspects description when she got a reply.

'Nothing. I will meet you in the parking garage at noon.'

'Brenda, please tell me," she pressed, but she did not receive another text from Brenda. The fact that she didn't get a response only made Sharon more annoyed than she already was, but she was determined to get the answer from her at lunch.

.*.*.*.

Brenda looked down at her phone. She wanted to tell Sharon about the fight her and Fritz had last night, leaving out that it had led to angry sex she only agreed to so he didn't grow suspicious, which only made the agreement worse. The fight had continued on till this morning, but she hated talking about Fritz to Sharon. Anytime she spoke about Fritz around her Brenda could see the hurt in her eyes, even before they were together.

Fritz had screamed at her for being the cause of his drinking, telling her how she was to blame for all of it. She was crying, and had begged him to stop but he kept screaming. His drinking was only getting worse, and he was become more and more angry. He had gone so far from the man she loved, and it tore her to know that after this it would never be the same. They would never be the same. She was in a loving affair with a woman she never thought she would be with. He was an alcoholic who was angry all the time, and throwing things when she asked if she could help. She loved him so much, and to see him like this killed her. She wished she could go back, but at the same time she didn't. She had grown to know the person Sharon really was, gotten to know her taste and touch. She couldn't live without it. But she knew if Fritz found out it would destroy him, and she couldn't do that to him.

She didn't want Sharon to know how much her marriage had fallen apart. She knew Sharon knew that it wasn't the best marriage, or else she would have never insisted the affair, but she still needed a bit of control with the woman who seemed to have lost all of it in Brenda's arms.

She didn't understand Sharon. For so long Sharon was the ice queen, the woman who needed control. She needed rules, and boundaries. Now, Sharon had taken Rusty in, letting him cloud her judgment. She was having an affair with a married woman. Sharon was letting her walls down, and sharing things she never told anyone, letting Brenda in. These things just seemed so unlike Sharon, but Brenda was glad to have Sharon opening up. Brenda felt a little guilty for not being as open, but she didn't want Sharon to worry about her, or to upset, Sharon.

Brenda sighed, and let her legs fall off the couch. She pulled herself up to go to her bedroom. She wasn't about to see Sharon without getting out of her pajama's.

.*.*.*.

"I was afraid you weren't going to come," Sharon said, walking up to Brenda who was leaning against her car.

"What would make you think that?" Brenda questioned, and pushed off the grey car. Her head was tilted to the side, flirting lightly.

"You never replied to me," Sharon answered. She opened her car door, and set her bag down in the back seat.

"I'm just not ready to talk about it yet," she told Sharon. Sharon sighed, seeing the unhappiness in Brenda's eyes- unhappiness that Sharon was to determine to take away.

"Fine," Sharon said dropping the subject for now. "We should be going." She gestured her hands for Brenda to get into the car. Brenda got in and watched Sharon effortlessly start her car. They drove in silence to the dinner, both to lost in their own minds to say anything. It was a comforting silence, neither felt the need to talk. It was nice to have that silence.

Sharon pulled into the restaurant parking lot and got out of her car parked in the nearest parking garage. She waited for Brenda to follow her lead, and she locked the doors to her car as they walked to the entrance. They were greeted when they opened the door of a younger woman with a smiling face.

"Just two?" the girl asked.

"Just two," Sharon repeated with her generic courteous smile.

"Right this way," the girl said, and began leading them to a small table with a seat at each end. She handed them their menus as they sat. "Is there anything I can get for you to drink?"

"Sweet tea," Sharon answered.

"Same," Brenda seconded. The girl nodded, and walked off.

It was another five minutes before they were ready to order. Brenda ordered a Roasted Garlic Chicken Lasagna while Sharon order the Vino Bambino salad. It amazed Brenda slightly how Sharon pronounced the name with such ease.

"I didn't know you spoke Italian," Brenda told her. Sharon looked at her with a smug but embarrassed smile.

"I speak many languages, Brenda. Italian was always one of my favorites though," she said, taking a sip of her tea.

"What languages do you speak?"

"Italian, German, French, Irish Gaelic, Dutch, Swedish, Latin, and American Sign. Too bad I never learned Spanish, it would really help living out here," she told Brenda.

"Very impressive," Brenda admitted. "I agree, I don't know Spanish either and always felt it as a big disadvantage."

"How about you, what languages do you speak?"

"German, Russian, and Czech," Brenda answered. Sharon raised her eyebrow.

"It turns out we have a language other than English in common," Sharon told her in German.

"It would seem so," Brenda responded in German.

"Your husband doesn't know it, does he?"

"No, Fritz was never very good with learning languages."

"We should start texting in it then," Sharon said, reverting back to English because she did not know the German word for text.

"I second that," Brenda agreed.

Sharon reached out for her glass, and took another drink. She set down the glass and looked over to Brenda.

"I have a proposition for you," Sharon began.

"And what's that?" She asked with a sweet face. She placed her elbows on the table, entwined her fingers together, and rested her chin on them to gaze at Sharon.

"Before I ask, I need to tell you I am asking as a friend."

"Okay?"

"Rusty," she tried, but found herself falling into the reality of the situation with him. Picture the boys battered face, she shook her head to rid the memory to focus on her question. "Rusty and his friends are going to New York, and they invited me to supervise the trip. I can invite someone and I was wondering if you wanted to go. It's at the end of next month and we will be spending the time going to shows, and events. I've already gotten the time okayed off. I am going anyway, I just would prefer not to be the only adult."

Brenda nodded, listening. "I'll go. I need to get away from Fritz, and he needs time away too. Plus, how can I pass up a get away with you?"

Sharon smiled, and reached out for Brenda's hand. They carelessly held each other's hands on the table top.

When they finished eating, Sharon paid the bill and they made their way back to her car. They scooted into the chair seats. Brenda set her large black bag under her feet.

"To your house, or to the hotel?" Brenda asked her, turning slightly in Sharon's direction as she put on her seat belt.

Sharon looked at Brenda, and took Brenda's chin into her palm. Her lips crashed onto Brenda's, and Sharon was reaching over the center counsel to get closer to Brenda. Her hand moved down Brenda's torso down to the hem of her skirt. She lifted her skirt, running her hands on Brenda's inner thigh up to her hot core. She pushed her panties aside, and pushed her fingers inside of her. Brenda's restrained hips jerked forward as much as they could as she called out in almost a grunt into Sharon's mouth.

Sharon took the sound as encouragement, and continued moving inside her keeping her mouth attached to the other womans. She moved faster, and Brenda pulled back.

"Please stop," Brenda begged. "You're hurting me."

Sharon's hand stopped moving, and she looked into Brenda's eyes. She could see the pain in them. Figuring it was from the angel she was going at she pulled her hands away from Brenda and carefully climbed over the center counsel. She was now straddling the other woman. She took off Brenda's seat belt, and lifted Brenda's leg so it would bend while placing her thigh between Brenda's legs. She pushed Brenda's skirt up to her hips, and followed the same steps with her dress. She reached around to the seat behind Brenda's head, slowly and carefully she began rocking side, making sure to rub both womans centers with each move.

She closely examined the younger woman's face to make sure she wasn't still hurting her, but she could see she was. She pulled back slowly.

"Brenda, are you okay?" She asked, knowing she was being gentle and should not have been hurting her.

"I'm fine," Brenda insisted. "Don't stop," she said, moving her thigh along Sharon's tender spot and causing it to move across her own.

"Are you- uh- are you sure?" Sharon managed to get out as she tried not to moan.

"Yes, I need this," Brenda now begged, her accent now thicker than normal.

"But it's hurting you," Sharon fought, lifting herself from Brenda. "I don't want to hurt you."

Brenda sighed, but had a soft look on her face. A tear rolled down her face, only to be caught in Sharon's palm. Then replaced by a soft kiss on her cheek. She pulled back.

"Thank yew," Brenda said.

"You don't have to thank me, Brenda. Who would want to hurt you?" Sharon wondered. She took a deep breath in, realizing what was going on. She sat down on Brenda's now rested leg, and her jaw quivered. "No," was all she could say.

She started tugging Brenda's underpants downward. She gasped as she saw a bruise on her hips in the shape of hands and just around the top of her clean shaven region. Her hand covered her mouth just as it had when she had seen Rusty's beaten face. She looked up to Brenda, who was apparently in shock at the bruises herself.

"What happened?" Sharon demanded her blood now boiling.

"Nothing," Brenda told her, turning her head away from Sharon.

"Brenda, this is not nothing. Someone hurt you!" She tilted her head, grabbing Brenda's face to make her look at her. "I don't want it to happen again."

"Why do you care? I don't need your protection, Sharon. You're just someone I fuck once a week."

The words slapped Sharon harshly, and she dropped her hands and her head pulled back slighly. She started to push herself back over to her seat, but Brenda could see how her words cut into Sharon's heart and instantly regretted her words. She grabbed her hips, slamming her back onto her leg.

"I'm sorry," Brenda began apologizing. "I shouldn't have that. I am just so worried, and scared, and confused."

Though she had gotten Sharon to stay, Sharon's eyes were averted to the window focusing on nothing in particular. Sharon made her lips thin.

"About what?" Sharon tested. Brenda bit her lip, not wanting to confess the things she pent up. Not wanting to worry Sharon more. "Brenda, tell me." She looked back to the large chocolate eyes.

"I am worried about my marriage, how after everythin' it will never be the loving commitment we had," she told her. She felt Sharon shift uneasily and knew that mentioning Fritz had caused an uneasy feeling. She also knew she needed to continue on. "Scared by the man Fritz has become the past few months… How much he's changed… We had planned to sex last night." This confession gained another uneasy stir from Sharon. "I didn't want him getting suspicious about you and I. But we got into this huge argument, and we were screaming at each other. I hoped that sex would just at least calm him down, but it only made it worse. He was so rough, and I tried to ask him to stop but I couldn't get it out because it hurt so bad. So I just let him finish so he could get off, and then we starting yelling even more," she said explaining the bruises. "I know he didn't mean to hurt me, he doesn't even know he did. I won't tell him because I don't want him to feel bad for something he didn't mean to do. I don't want him feeling guilty for something he wouldn't have done if he had known."

"You need to tell him, he can't-" she cut herself off as her voice wavered. "He can't hurt you like that."

"Don't worry, he won't. I can't sleep with him again, not after that… I mean, I love him but he's changed. Plus, I know you now. Your skin, your touch… I couldn't turn back." Brenda's rested her head on Sharon's. "A part of me hoped that by sleeping with him I may have been able to forget you, to try and go back, because I do love him. I never meant for this affair to happen. I would have never cheated on him because he is a great man who is going through a difficult time. I shouldn't have insisted on seeing you again, I should have left alone like you wanted but I couldn't. It's not fair to any party in this situation what I am doing. But I couldn't get you out of my mind. Every thrust I thought of your soft touch, and when it started hurting I thought of how you would never do that to me. It's like your drug that I wish could stop, but the more I am with you the less I can." She paused for a moment, trying to keep her tears in. "A part of me wants to leave, but the other part knows I can't. Not yet."

"Why?"

"He needs my help, and I can't leave him until I know he is okay. I can't let him know about us because he is a mess it would ruin him more. I couldn't do that to him, not now."

Sharon leaned down onto Brenda's shoulder, letting out a small breath. "I don't want him to hurt you again," she told Brenda.

She wanted Brenda to explain what she meant by him being a mess, because the last time she had seen Agent Howard he seemed more than fine. She placed a soft kiss on her neck, and nuzzled herself into the younger woman. Brenda's hands ran up Sharon's back to her shoulders, moving closer to her as well.

"I know. I won't let him, I promise."

They stayed silent for a few moments, just needing the others warm embrace. Sharon knew she was late, but she didn't really care. She didn't understand how the people closest to her were being hurt by those they should be able to trust. Although she could force Rusty away from his father, she couldn't do the same to Brenda and Fritz no matter how much after this episode she wanted to. She knew that if she attempted to tell Brenda to leave that either Brenda would see to much into it, which she rightly would because it would just a perk for Sharon, or that Brenda would just fight her and Sharon would end up losing her. It was something she couldn't risk.

"Perhaps we should be getting you back to work," Brenda suggested.

"I don't want to, not yet," Sharon told her, pulling away. "I just want you to know that I am always here. That if it ever gets like that again, you can come over my house. I don't want you put in that position again. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Brenda agreed. Sharon tilted Brenda's head upwards and kissed her gently.

"Maybe now we should get back." She kissed Brenda once more, and pulled herself off Brenda. She fixed her skirt, and she let Brenda do the same. As she drove away Brenda grabbed Sharon's hand as she drove.

When they reached the police parking garage Brenda said goodbye with a swift peck of the lips and a sweet "bye". And with that Sharon headed back to work, knowing she would be interrogated by her fellow co-workers.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:**First of all, there are still 10 of Thanksgiving, so Happy Turkey Day. And second, I just want to say thank you to those of you who are actually reading this. Sorry this chapter is just another builder, but some heavy things are to come. I hope you all had a wonderful day.

Reviews are appreciated.

Chapter 5

"What?!" Sharon shouted to Rusty over the loud music.

"I said, they fit!" He exclaimed back, pointing to his shoes.

"Good, can we pay and leave!" She exclaimed, listening to the vulgar music. She felt her phone vibrating in her back pocket, and she pulled it out her. And saw Brenda's name on her caller Id. "I've gotta take this," she said taking out a hundred spot. "You pay, while I step outside," she told him. She stepped out of the shoe store onto the sidewalk. She slide the unlock open, to answer the phone call.

"You just saved me," She said into the phone.

"Did I now?" Brenda asked on the other end.

"You did. How can I help you?" She asked folding her arm across her stomach, and placing her other hand in the inside of her elbow.

"Well, I am on Melrose, and I realized that I have no idea what to wear to an Opera or what to even look for."

Sharon chuckled slightly. "Never been to one?"

"No," Sharon answered with a chuckle. "I know the trip isn't for another week and a half, but I would like to get it now."

"And you called because…?"

"Well, I was wondering if I could send some pictures to you, get your opinion on them."

"I can do you one better, Rusty and I are on Melrose too and we can meet up with you-"

"-That would be great!?" Brenda exclaimed.

"Alright, meet me Starbucks," she said. She looked back into the store seeing Rusty heading her way.

"Sounds great. Oh my niece is here too. She is vistin' for the week until we head to New York."

"It will be lovely meeting her," Sharon said.

"Lovely to meet who?" Rusty asked from behind her, causing her to jump slightly. She turned, and smiled nervously as if she got caught doing something she shouldn't.

"Brenda, I have to go, see you soon," Sharon said and hung up before Brenda could say her goodbye. She smiled lightly at Rusty. "We are going to meet up with Brenda and her niece at Starbucks down the road."

"Oh, okay… Why?" He wondered.

"She is getting the dress for the Met," she explained. She had told Rusty last week that Brenda had agreed to go on the trip with them, and Rusty was even more excited. "Do you want to walk from here?" She said looking down the street, squinting her eyes from the sunlight.

"We can walk," he said. He began walking down road, her following a half a step behind.

"If you want we can get a new dress shirt or two to where for the Met and the orchestra."

"I'd like that." He adjusted the bag carrying his new sneakers on his arm.

When they reached the café, Sharon took in notice that Brenda wasn't there yet and she waited in line to order three drinks. She sat down at the table was already sitting at. She heard the door to the coffee shop open and she saw Brenda with a large purple hat on, Sharon's favorite colour. Her hair was in a going to her swooped over her right shoulder, and her face beaming as if to match the sunlight. There was a girl with olive skin by her side, and it was clear to Sharon that she was related to Brenda though there were vast differences.

"Brenda," Sharon standing back up. Brenda smiled widely to Sharon and crossed over her and Rusty.

"Sharon," Brenda repeated, pulling the older into a hug, catching Sharon off guard. She couldn't lie she was also caught off guard by the fact that Brenda had called her Sharon as oppose to Captain Raydor. She pulled herself away still smiling. "Rusty," Brenda said greeting him with a warm smile.

"Hi, Chief Johnson," he replied. "I mean, Brenda."

She chuckled light. Sharon turned to the young woman standing beside Brenda.

"And I don't believe we have met, I am Captain Raydor," Sharon introduced.

"Seriously? Captain even in personal relations?" The girl asked.

"Sharon doesn't kid very much," Brenda informed her niece. "Plus, I don't think she likes it to much when people her Sharon," she pointed out taking in Sharon's facial expression.

"Not really," Sharon confirmed.

"I'm Charlie," the girl introduced herself since her aunt was clearly not going to. She stuck out her hand to shake, which Sharon did so. "Brenda's niece."

"Nice to meet you Charlie," Sharon said with a half smile. "I'm sorry I didn't get you anything to drink, I didn't know what you like," she said as she handed Brenda her drink.

"Oh it's fine, I'll get my own," Charlie said smirking slightly. She walked off into the line for her own drink.

Brenda sat opposite of Sharon with her drink in hand, and Sharon sat back in her seat. Brenda took a sip of her coffee, and was delighted to find it exactly how she liked it.

"This is my favorite," she pointed out to Sharon.

"I know," she replied softly.

"How did you know you I like it?"

Sharon bit the top of her bottom lip, holding her intitial comment back. "I guess I just know what you like," she said, with a hint of sass and flirt.

"You just get me, don't you?"

"That's one way to put it," Sharon said, and took a sip of her coffee to hide her smug grin. Brenda cleared her throat, set the cup down, and looked over to Rusty.

"I haven't seen you in months, Rusty, how are you?" Brenda asked with all sincerity.

"I'm good," Rusty said simply.

"Are you looking forward to the trip?" She continued. His face perked up slightly, giving his answer before he spoke.

"I am! I have never been to New York, and I really want to see what all the fuss is about opera and everything."

"Me too," Brenda agreed. "I never been to one; I'm nervous."

"Me too," he repeated her words.

"There is nothing to be nervous about," Sharon said looking at the both of them. She turned her gaze to Rusty. "Have you talked to Gav about what Broadway shows we are going to see?"

"Uh," Rusty paused trying to recall what he was told. "The play is called Noises Off, and the musical is Wicked."

"I can't wait," Brenda added with a soft smile. "How is your chess club going?"

"Good, really good actually. We are now in the ruining for regionals."

"That is marvelous, Rusty! Why didn't you tell me?!" Sharon exclaimed with glee. Rusty's eyes opened wide, and looked at her.

"We just found out last night after the match. You were busy with your case, I didn't want to bother you," he defended himself.

"Rusty, you could have interrupted for that! I wouldn't have minded at all. I'm so happy for you!"

"Thanks, that means a lot," he said with a smirk. She pulled him into a half hug.

"You know Aunt Brenda told me a lot about you, but I never took it as you being so personable," Charlie said sitting down next to Brenda.

Sharon lifted her eyebrow slightly. "Really? And what has you Aunt Brenda told you about me?"

Brenda shot her niece a look of worry, but Charlie shrugged it off.

"How you are the Witched Witch of the West, and stubborn, and cold hearted-OW!" Charlie exclaimed as she earn a harsh kick to her shin from her aunt. She turned to smile at Sharon, who was half offended half laughing. "But like I said, that doesn't seem to be true," she added rubbing her leg.

"The Witched Witch of the West?" Sharon asked, directing her eyes to Brenda.

"Okay, that was before we became friends," she defended with a pleading look.

"I didn't think with the way you talked about her that it was even possible," Charlie said sitting back up.

"You'd be surprised how people change," Brenda said.

"And how they grow on you," Sharon agreed. She looked sweetly to at Brenda, wanting to grab her hand but she knew she couldn't not with this audience.

"So, are you ready?" Brenda asked the others. She was answered with nods all around. They stood up, and walked out of the coffee shop. Rusty and Charlie fell behind, talking about colleges and majors. The conversation she heard made Sharon smile, while Charlie was talking about where she was attending, Rusty was actually talking about going.

"What?" Brenda asked Sharon as she fixed her bag strap on her shoulder.

"I just really hope Rusty is being serious," Sharon said, gaining a slap on her upper shoulder. "What?"

"Stop listenin to their conversation," she told her.

"Okay, then what do you want to talk about?" Sharon asked.

"How I wanna hold your hand," Brenda said just loud enough for Sharon to hear.

"Do you really think this is an appropriate time?" She asked in German so Rusty and Charlie wouldn't understand.

"Do you really think I care?" Brenda replied in German.

"Well, you have more to lose with this than I. So, carelessly talking about in front of your niece should make you care."

"Not if I am talking German, she won't understand," she pointed out.

"You sound sexier in German," Sharon pointed out with a cocked eyebrow.

"Do I? And what would you like to do about that?"

"If only," Sharon said, laughing and looking down knowing the confession was foolish. "I am really looking forward to this trip."

Brenda smiled back. "Me too. I know it's not just you and I, but I am glad that we get to spend time together without having to worry really."

"Me too."

"Are we sharing a room at the hotel?"

"We are actually staying in an estate while we are up there. There are only three bedroom, forcing us to stay in the same room."

"So that means I get to wake up next to you for a whole week?" Brenda question, already knowing the answer. "Even better," she said. Sharon blushed, flattered that she would like to wake up next to her. Brenda squinted and looked around, after realizing she had been following Sharon the whole walk. "Where are we going anyway?"

Sharon stopped walking, and turned towards a large boutique in front of them. Rusty and Charlie almost tripped trying to stop in time before colliding with the older women standing in front of them. "Here," Sharon said, reverting back to English. She looked to the youth's now beside them. "Sorry for the sudden stop, I got distracted," she apologized. She gave a quick glance to Brenda, and opened the store to the boutique.

Brenda walked in and began looking around the store. They scattered, Rusty looking for dress shirts, Charlie looking at dresses she liked for herself though she wasn't to buy any, and Sharon and Brenda were looking for the perfect dress for Brenda.

"Do you like this one?" Sharon asked Brenda, pulling a long pink satin even gown that flowed down.

"I like the color, but I don't know about the style," Brenda said, pointing out the plunging neckline. "It's just not 'me'."

"Well, when was the last time you wore an evening dress?" Sharon asked, placing the pink dress back.

Brenda looked up, thinking. "I think my prom," she answered. Sharon laughed slightly.

"Maybe we should just start off with what kind of style you want," Sharon suggested.

"Uh, I don't know. I don't want floor length, or pink. I don't think pink would work for an opera, but that's just me. I do want a flower, maybe."

Sharon raised her eyebrow. "Anything else?"

"I don't think I want skin tight, or plunging neckline."

"Okay, any specific color?"

"I don't want pink, or coral, or anything like that. I just want basic, simple."

"Alright, let's look for a cocktail dress with a flower, that's not skin tight, and a classic color." They looked in silence, only occasionally stopping to get the opinion of a dress from the other woman. They had, together, gathered several dresses and decided to try them on before looking for more and tiring their arms out. Rusty was still deciding which shirt he liked more as Brenda entered the fitting room. Sharon waited outside, leaning against the wall.

"Sharon, could you help me?" Brenda wondered.

"Of course," she agreed and pushed herself off the wall. Brenda carefully opened the dressing room door just enough for Sharon to step in. Sharon scooted into the small area, and faced Brenda's head mangled in the fabric. She couldn't help but let out a small laugh. "Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" She made fun of the blonde.

Brenda stopped attempting to get into the dress dropping her arm, causing it to stick straight up being unable to rest do to the stuck fabric. She glared at Sharon through the hole for her head that should hadn't yet been able to stick through properly, making her hair a mess of blond curls on her head.

"Would you just help me, please?" Brenda asked, sighing. Sharon, still holding her large smile, reached over and began straightening the fabric to fall correctly on Brenda's form. Once the dress was properly laid on her, Sharon zipped the back of the dress for Brenda. Brenda turned to face the mirror, and tilted her head. "I don't know," she said, biting her lip. Her hands ran down her sides taking in the shape of the dress. "What do you think?"

Sharon moved in closer, and rubbed her lips together. "Hm," she barely got out. Brenda huffed, and unzipped the side. "I didn't say if I liked it or not, yet."

"You didn't have to," Brenda replied, looking at Sharon through the mirror. "I want when I put it on I want you to be in awe. I want you to get goose bumps, and your breath to be taken away. I want your pulse to quicken, your cheeks to flush, and your _core_ to _heat."_ She turned around just in time to see Sharon swallowing harshly. "And this dress did not do that."

"Well, I guess we have to keep looking?" Sharon suggested. Brenda squinted slightly, and nodded.

They tried on three more dresses, and none of them receiving the reaction Brenda was looking. Sharon sighed, and leaned against the dressing room wall. She saw a red dress poking out the bottom of the pile. She reached over, and pulled the dress out.

"When did you pull this one?" She questioned Brenda.

"Uh, Charlie threw a few in my pile when I set it down," Brenda explained. Sharon shifted her head to get a better look at the dress.

"Well, it's a bow not a flower but I like it," she put her input in.

"Let me try it," Brenda said, stripping off the last dress. She took the dress from the older womans hands and began pulling it over her body.

Once placed properly Sharon helped with the zipper. She turned Brenda around using the tip of her fingers on Brenda's hips. She glanced down at the dress which fit her every curve perfectly. The red satin dress hung on her skin like a glove. The halter reached around her neck in a three inch thick strap that reached the top of her breast. The top had a soft sweetheart, showing just enough of Brenda's plump chest to be conservative but still sexy. There was a thick belt just below her bust with a large bow on the left. The skirt started just below the belt, it was a moderate progression into the flowing skirt that had a petty coat underneath it's surface causing the bottom of the skirt to flare that ended just at Brenda's knee cap.

Sharon took a sharp breath in, and smiled. "Oh, Brenda. You look… wow," she getting out the only thing she could. Brenda's face lite out.

"You like it?" Brenda asked with hope.

"I love it," Sharon told her.

"Does it give you goose bumps?" Brenda wondered, running her fingertips long Sharon's forearm. Sharon felt a familiar shiver run through her body she got when Brenda touched her this way.

"It does," Sharon confirmed. She rubbed her nose against Brenda's humming softly.

"Does it make you want me?" Brenda whispered.

"Mm," was all that came out of Sharon's mouth. She tilted her head, and kissed Brenda softly. "You're insatiable," she continued, planting another tender kiss on the blonde. Brenda's hands traveled upward into the brunette strands of Sharon's hair, tugging them from their proper order so Brenda could kiss her deeper. Brenda ran the tips of her fingers along Sharon's bare forearm, past the third quarter sleeve, up to her shoulder, down her breast, to her stomach. Her teeth nibbled at Sharon's ear, tugging the lob.

"Uh huh," Sharon barely but finally got out feeling a familiar pulse and heat between her legs. A pool of wetness festering in her panties.

"I think-I need-getting help out- of this dress," Brenda said, placing a small kiss going from Sharon's neck to her cleavage with each pause in words.

"Ah," she tried to contain her moan. "Do you?" Sharon said, placing her hands on Brenda's hips and pulling her into her body. "I think I may be able to help with that," she offered her assistance in a low husky voice. Her right hand traveled along Brenda's side until it reached the top of the zipper, which she hooked her finger in, and with a quick draw down on the zipper the side peeled open. Brenda hummed, and shrugged it from her shoulders. She moved her against Sharon's, rubbing her practically bare body against Sharon covered one. Brenda's hands slipped under the surface of the bottom of Sharon's shirt, gaining a quite moan from the woman.

"Sharon, are you in here?" She heard Rusty call out from the other side of the fitting room.

"In here," Sharon called out trying to sound normal as she snapped back into reality. She pulled away from Brenda smirking, glad that Rusty had pulled her from something she knew she would have given into had Brenda pressed for it.

She hated how easily she gave into her temptation for her. She hated how much control she lost, and how different she became. Never in a relationship did she let the other have the power, or at least have so much power on her heart. Sure when she divorced her ex she was hurt, but it had been on her terms. With Brenda it was different, everything was different. She was venerable, something Sharon didn't like in the least, but couldn't help. She had control, but only in showing Brenda new ways of making love, and that was it. Every bit of Sharon was now laid in Brenda's hands. She was making Sharon do things she had never done.

For instance, being with a woman. Sharon knew she had been attrached to women her whole life, but never had she actually acted it; except in the privacy of her own lock room. Another, almost having what was surely to be steamy, loud, sex in a dressing room. And lastly, was having an affair… So many things, she sworn herself not to do she was now doing.

She reached for the door handle, and went to open it. As soon as she turned the nob and pulled it open, but it shut as Brenda's hand pushed it back closed. She pushed Sharon against the wall, kissing her harshly. Her hand pressed along the way of Sharon's sides.

"Sharon?" Rusty asked, now in front of the fitting room door. Sharon gently broke her and Brenda apart, she just laughed slightly and rolled her eyes. She opened the door to see Rusty standing by the door.

Rusty looked at the woman, who was quickly tucking her tossed hair into place as she wedged her way out of the fitting room . Her eyes were dilated and lips were plump. Rusty shook his head, forcing himself not to think about it.

"What did you need?" She questioned, trying to sound as normal as she could. She cleared her throat, tucking her hair behind her ear. "What do you need?" She repeated with her normal voice.

"I, uh, wanted you opinion," he said, with curious eyes. She crossed her arms across her chest.

"On what, Dear?"

"The shirts, I don't know which one to get."

"Color or size?"

"Both," he answered, leading her back to the main floor. He walked over to a table of folded shirts.

"You don't remember your size?" Sharon asked with almost disappointment. She wasn't disappointed in him, just what he had taken her away from.

"No. I confused it with my pant size, and now I can't remember it at all," he explained.

She sighed lightly. "Alright," she said with a dragged out pause. "I think I remember your size." She leaned over the table. "What color were looking at?"

"I liked the dark red, and the navy," he responded.

"So," she began searching the shirts for his size. "Here is the burgundy and…"she began going through the next pile, "the navy blue." She handed the both to him. "We'll get both, you are going to need to wear your suit more than once so can at least have another shirt for it."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." He smiled slightly, and tilted his head slightly. "What?"

"If you have an estate in Manhattan, why do you live here?"

Sharon tilted her head slightly, thinking. "I have my reasons," she answered simply.

"Hey, have you seen my aunt?" Charlie asked walking up to them. Sharon looked to the young woman.

"Last I saw she was in the fitting room," Sharon replied. They all looked over to the entrance to the fitting rooms and saw Brenda walking out. She set all but the red dress on the rack with all the other dresses that were to go back into their proper place. She walked over to the three others with a small smile. "Going with the red one?" Sharon asked with a small smirk.

"I am, I got the feelin' I wanted from it," Brenda said, smiling at her. Sharon let a small chuckle pass though her lips.

"I knew you would like that one!" Charlie exclaimed, with glee she had picked the one she choose for her.

Brenda turned to Charlie. "I loved this one," she added. Charlie gave a small yip, glad Brenda choose her pick. She glanced to Sharon. "You done?"

"Uh," Sharon looked over to Rusty, who nodded. "Yes." They walked to the register, and paid for their items. Once they walked outside, Brenda turned to Sharon.

"Where are you are parked?"

"That way," Sharon said, pointing North.

"Us too," Charlie put in. "We can walk together." Rusty shrugged not seeing the problem with it.

"Okay, I guess we are walkin' together," Brenda said with a slight chuckle. Sharon nudged her slightly, and smirked. The small exchange did not go unnoticed by Charlie, who had felt a bit odd about them the whole time. She pushed the thought into the back of her mind for now, rolling her eyes in the process, and began walking down the road.

"What's her problem?" Rusty asked, confused by the sudden mood change. Sharon asked the same question but with her eyes.

"I don't know," Brenda said. "I will ask her later." Sharon nodded.

They walked in silence to Brenda's car, which was the nearest. Charlie was waiting by the door, which Brenda unlocked using her remote. Charlie got in the car with a look of shear annoyance, and Brenda turned to Sharon.

"I'm sorry, Charlie is… Complicated," Brenda explained.

"No need to explain, Brenda. I am well acquainted with complicated," Sharon added glancing a Rusty briefly. Brenda nodded.

"I guess, I should be going," Brenda said with a hint of disappointment. She had grown use to their goodbye with a much happier ending then the hug she was determined to get from Sharon before she left.

"Us too. Did you want us to pick you up to go to the airport, or are you going to take yourself?" Sharon asked.

"You can take me, but I hope I will see you before next Thursday," Brenda almost begged that she would.

"Wir warden sehen," _we'll see,_ Sharon replied.

"Wie ware es mit Abendesse am Mittwochabend?" _How about dinner Wednesday night._

"Sounds perfect. Wenn ich alleine bin, werde ich auf jeden Fall geben Sie einen Anruf," _If I am alone, I will definitely give you a call._

"That's all I could ask," Brenda said, and bit her lip trying to hold a blush and smile.

"Till later."

Brenda grabbed Sharon's wrist as Sharon turned away. She pulled Sharon into a tight hug, catching Sharon completely off guard. Sharon let out a large gasp at the unexpected contact.

"Brenda!" She exclaimed from surprise. Brenda pulled back, and tucked her head down slightly.

"Sorry,"

"Goodbye," Sharon added, nodding off into the other direction with a confused Rusty on her tail.

Brenda opened her car door, and saw Charlie staring at her almost gawking. She reached in the back, and set her bag on the back seat. When she pulled herself back, Charlie was still looking at her.

"What?" Brenda played dumb.

"What's going on with you and Sharon?" Charlie finally confronted. Brenda's mouth dropped slightly.

"I don't know what you're talkin' about," Brenda defended, lying poorly.

"Oh, come on. We've complained about that woman whenever you are back in Atlanta and now you hugging each other… I mean, the way you two look at each other… That's definitely not how you look at someone you hate."

"What are you insinuating?" She tested.

Charlie opened her mouth to state her answer, which she didn't know was the truth. She closed her mouth once she realized that the accusation would have sounded ridiculous. Her aunt wasn't gay, not matter how weird the whole things seemed. Maybe she was seeing far more into than she should. Maybe they were just good friends.

"Nothing," she muttered.

"Charlie, if you are accusing me of somethin', I want to know what it is," Brenda almost snapped.

"Nothing, it's just weird!" Charlie bickered back. She reached over to her seatbelt and buckled it angrily. Brenda huffed, and started her car. She hoped that Charlie would not bring it up again.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry this took so long to update. I've been crazy busy and I didn't even get to add everything I wanted to in this chapter because of it. I had most of it written and then it got deleted and I had to start over. The chapter was suppose to continue into the next day and their trip/first night in NY, but I couldn't add it so that will be next chapter.

Chapter Six

Sharon sat in front of her vanity, pulling her robe over her bare skin, not bothering to actually close it. The fabric just covered her breast, but left a rectangle of flesh down her torso exposing her cleavage. The robe had puddled in her lap. She looked into the mirror, and watched Brenda dressing herself in the reflection. Her bed was once again tossed due to the activities that had taken place in it. Brenda hummed softly as she buttoned her blouse. She leaned down to her bag on the floor and pulled a small blue gift bag out of it. She walked over to Sharon and set the bag down, and placed a soft kiss on Sharon's neck.

"What's this?" Sharon wondered, turning slightly to look at Brenda.

"A present. I know your birthday is soon, and I don't know exactly when so I am givin' it to you now," Brenda replied.

"You didn't have to get me anything," Sharon replied, almost horrified. "I hate my birthday, and I NEVER celebrate it. Hence why you don't know the exact date."

"We aren't celebrating, I just got you somethin'. Can't you just take it?" She pushed.

Sharon sighed, knowing she was defeated. She reached over to the bag, set it on her lap, opened it, and pulled the small box inside of it. Sharon swallowed harshly at seeing it was a jewelry box, and looked up to Brenda. Brenda nodded slightly, urging her to open it. Sharon pushed the top of the black velvet box open, and found a ring inside. The ring was that of a black opal with green flecks inside it. The gem was surrounded by small diamonds and encased in a silver band. Sharon looked up to Brenda speechless.

"It reminds me of your eyes," Brenda explained. "Do you like it?"

Sharon shook her head in awe. "I love it, but I can't accept it."

"Why not?!" Brenda retaliated in defense.

"For multiple reasons. One being, how much did this cost you? I couldn't have been cheap!"

"It wasn't, but I don't care. I wanted to get it for you. And whatever the other reason is, it doesn't matter. I got it for you, and I refuse to return it," Brenda argued.

Sharon sighed, and pulled the ring out of its case. She looked at it even closer. "It really is beautiful." She turned her gaze to Brenda, who was now leaning against Sharon's vanity. "Why this ring, opal isn't even my birthstone?"

"The black opal symbolizes a changin' soul, but only in a way of seein' who they truly are and all they can be. It shows good, self-strength, being whole. I see that with you, when I am with you. I see who you truly are, and not the person you portray for everyone else. And I want this ring to be a sign of that, for you not to forget that person. That no matter what happens between you and I, you have a part of me and I will always have a part of you." Brenda rubbed her lips together, and brought her eyes to the floor.

"I don't know how this is goin' to end between us, and it scares me. I want to be with you but I can't, and I don't want to lose you either. I'm stuck, and I just want this to show you that though I don't what I can do, that I…" _love you_, she almost added. But refrained from those words. She rubbed both index fingers out the outside of her nose, bringing them to her forehead, then running both sets of her fingertips down her temples to her cheeks. "I need you to know how much I care and need you. That I will never let go of you."

Sharon stood, and wrapped her arms around Brenda's waist. She rested her head on Brenda's shoulder.

"I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you," Sharon whispered. "Ever," she added. "I will never let you go, and I will _always_ be here."

"Do you promise that?"

Sharon lifted her head, looking Brenda square in the eye. "I do," she said firmly.

"No matter what?"

"Yes." Sharon shoulders dropped. "Why are you so unsure of us all of a sudden?"

Brenda sighed, and pushed past Sharon to the bed. She sat on the edge, and pushed her hair behind her ear. She looked around, and landed on Sharon.

"It's Charlie," she said giving half of the truth.

"Your niece? What does she have to do with you and I?"

"She has decided to switch to Berkley, and stay out here."

"And?" Sharon pressed on.

"She knows about you and I," Brenda explained. "I am not sure what she knows, but she senses somethin', and I'm worried."

"Do you really think she would say anything?" Sharon wondered, moving close to Brenda with the ring still in her hand.

"I don't think just on a hunch she would. But if she can see it, who is to say others don't?"

"I don't think you should worry about it too much right now. If she questions it again, then maybe we should be concerned. But we don't even know if she thinks we are having an affair. If we act like we think she knows, then it is almost certain people will start realizing." She sat down beside Brenda, and rested her hands on top of her thigh. She rested her head on Brenda's shoulder. She opened her left palm, which still had the ring in it, and lifted it into Brenda's view. "Can you put it on?"

Brenda smiled lightly, and lifted the ring with her thumb and index finger. She lifted Sharon's right hand, and carefully placed the ring on her index finger. Sharon lifted her head, watching Brenda put the ring on her. The ring fit Sharon's finger perfectly. Brenda turned to face Sharon, and enclosed on her mouth. It was a sweet kiss, gentle, and kind. It was right, everything was right in that kiss. Nothing mattered. Not even the possibility of being caught.

It was something neither of them could ever get over. How each kiss felt like the first. How each kiss washed away every worry. How both would feel like they could die happy in it, and could die without it.

Sharon pulled back, and wrapped her arm around Brenda gazed lovingly into Brenda's eyes. She wanted so badly to tell Brenda that she loved her, but was scared. Worried that if she said the words out loud that it would curse it. She opened her mouth, feeling it slipping out mouth.

"I love…" She began. She chocked, and dropped her eye's from the other woman's. "This ring is beautiful," she covered.

"What were you goin' to say?" Brenda insisted, hoping for the best.

Sharon shook her head. "That I loved the ring," Sharon lied. She cleared her throat, and looked at her clock. She saw she would have to leave soon to pick up Rusty and Gav from school. As Gav was staying the night so it was one less person to pick up in the morning. "I should get dressed, and you should be going."

Brenda stood and fixed her shirt. Sharon walked past Brenda and began placing her clothing over her body. Brenda waited for Sharon to finish putting on her pants before she began making her way to the living room. Sharon followed in pursuit of Brenda, and grabbed her jacket in the process. She began pulling it over her arms, and she turned to Brenda.

"Do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?" She asked Brenda.

"If you would, that'd be great! Otherwise Fritz will have to drop me off, and I don't want that."

"Nor do I," Sharon stated bluntly. She grabbed her bag and keys, and opened the door. She let Brenda exit first, and she followed locking her door in the process. They walked to the elevator, and were silent going down. Brenda's hand holding Sharon's lightly. "I will pick you up at around 5," she told Brenda as they stepped off the lift.

"Sounds good," Brenda agreed. They walked to the entrance of the building. "I will see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," Sharon agreed. She gave Brenda a swift kiss, and parted way with her and to her car in the parking garage.

Brenda headed to her car, and drove home. On the way home, all she could think of was Sharon and how she was about to start a week long with her. The thought alone made her smile uncontrollably. She pulled into the driveway of her home, and was caught off guard by seeing Fritz's car. She got out quickly, and rushed inside.

"Fritz!?" She called out, but received no reply. She began checking from room to room, and found him in the bathroom sitting in the bathtub. A bottle of rum in his right hand. "Fritz! What the hell are you doin' in here?!"

He looked up to her, and squinted his eyes. "What does it look like I am doing? I'm drinking."

"In the bathtub?" She pointed out. He sighed and stood. His hair was thrown about, and his eyes had dark circles under them. "Why aren't you at work?"

"Suspended," he said, without a hint of hesitation.

"Why!?"

"Reasons," he replied. He pushed past Brenda, and walked to the living room. She huffed, aggravated not getting a real answer and knowing he wouldn't tell her. He never told her anything anymore.

"Give me the bottle," she said, going after him. She could only assume his drinking was the reason.

"No," he said, chugging the rest.

Brenda tried to get the bottle from his hands before he could, but he pushed her back into the wall. Her breath momentarily escaped her lungs. She sunk down to the floor. She didn't want to fight with Fritz, not today.

"Charlie is comin' over for dinner, I want you to be sober when she does."

"What's the point?" He asked as he set the bottle down.

"Do you really want everyone to know that you are a drunk?" She threw at him.

Rage spread across his face. He reached down, and picked up Brenda by her arms lifting her a few inches off the ground so she was directly at his eyes.

"I am not drunk!" he yelled.

"Fritz, please your hurtin' me," she begged. He let go of her arm, making her fall to the ground. He didn't intend to hurt her, but it seemed as though he kept doing exactly that. He wanted to blame her, blame the alcohol, but deep down he knew he was to blame. He turned away from her, not wanting to see the hurt or fear he had caused.

"Where were you?" He wondered. "When I got home, you weren't. You told me you took today off to finish packing."

"I was with a friend."

"A friend?" He asked in an accusatory tone. "What friend?"

"Sharon. We… we were talking about the trip. Polishin' some of the rough edges, like transportation," she lied. He could hear tears in her voice. "She is goin' to pick me up in the mornin' so you didn't have to drop me off." She carefully pulled herself off her hands and knees.

He turned around, and helped her off the ground. "I'm sorry, Brenda." He slumped against the wall. "I hope this week will help both of us… the time away from each other."

"I hope so, because I don't know how much longer I can take this Fritz," she replied. She knew she was going to leave him, but hoped that the terms of her leaving would be better than now.

"I don't blame you."

She turned to him. "I love you, but you aren't the same. I am tryin' so hard to be strong for you."

He reached out and touched her face gently. "I know; thank you. You shouldn't have to put up with this. You should have already left. I know I've hurt you, both emotionally and physically… You don't deserve that. You've done nothing wrong." Brenda swallowed hard, because she knew that wasn't true.

"I need to try and help before you destroy yourself… But Fritz, we are never going to be the same," she told him. "Even if you stop drinkin'."

"But we can try. I promise I will let you help and I will try to quit, because I can't live without you."

"I will believe that when I see it." She didn't believe him, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him that even with trying to be the same, they wouldn't.

He gently grabbed her head, and kissed her softer than he had in months. She let him, even as his hand began to roam as it had on many account. She fell into her old ways, but a part of her was gone. A part of her heart was with Sharon, even as he began taking her against the wall. Guilt swelled in her, as it had anytime she had sex with Fritz. She had promised Sharon she wouldn't, but yet here she was again. This time had been different though, he was soft and kind. She felt it odd how guilty she felt having sex with her husband, but not a single once of guilt while in her mistresses arms. But what could she do? Refuse him? Though she had promised Sharon, she found that sometimes she couldn't refuse him. This was one of those times.

They both new the end was drawing for them, but they couldn't help to hold on as long as they could. She couldn't help but feel that was why she still allowed him to touch her. It was as though she was scared of moving forward. She was scared of leaving him, and of the life she would have to face. They both were still in love, but they were to broken. Things had gone so far, and neither was strong enough to hold on for the length written in their vows. It was only a matter of one of them actually declaring it out loud.

Brenda knew why they hadn't said it, because there was still a glimmer of hope somewhere in Fritz. Hope that this trip would give them enough time away from each other for him to try straighten things out. She couldn't bring to leave him alone once he hit rock bottom. Neither knew the trip to come would only separate them further from each other.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: So this chapter is frakking LONG! Hence why it took so long for me to update (plus being busy/sick/hospital/school/work/etc). I'm SO SORRY! This is the first chapter while they are in New York (this is the first two days). I think I am only going to do two chapters based in New York because I have lost of exciting chapters ahead (don't fret I will post again, I'm determined to actually finish a story). Remember my last update when I told you that I split that chapter, that is the first half of this. SORRRY! And I know it seems a bit odd, but things happen in this chapter for a reason (well, most things). Sharon's son is in this chapter, Drystan. And mentions of a sister (Vivvi) and her daughter (Caycee [pronounced Cah-cee because that's how I want it pronounced]), and of her mother and her youth. Next chapter will have more Rusty/Sharon family things, as well as many other layers.

Also, sorry if some of the wording transitions are weird. Most of this was written at like 3 am, and I was having a hard time going from scene to scene, and sometimes even action to action. Something about this chapter doesn't seem right, but I've put it off as long I can. So here you are .

Chapter Seven

The flight had taken all of 9 hours, due to an unexpected layover in Detroit. When they landed it was 8pm with the time changes. They all had grown tired and sore from the long amount of time they spent sitting. When they reached the gate they began making their way to baggage claim, Sharon caught sight of a young man standing near their baggage claim.

"Sharon, are you okay?" Rusty asked, pulling himself from the conversation he was having with a fellow classmate, Judith. Sharon barely acknowledged him and her eyes remained fixed to the man. Brenda heard the question, and looked over to Sharon who was squinting.

"I'm fine, it's just… It can't be…" she muttered mainly to herself. "Drystan?" She called out. The young man turned and met the eyes of the woman, confirming her thoughts. The others watched as Sharon's face lite up. "Drystan! What are you doing here?" She said, rushing up to him. She threw her arms over his shoulders, forcing her to jump slightly, pulling him in close. His arms wrapped around her waist, keeping her off of the ground.

He was about 6'3" with dark brown hair in his mid to late twenties. His eyes were bright green, much like Sharon's. He was hansom, and sharp, but somehow still delicate. One could tell he was use to power and control, but had a soft spot, especially with Sharon. When she touched him, his whole demeanor changed into a warm presence, as did Sharon's. It surprised Rusty and Brenda, as they had never seen her act in such a way.

"I thought I would surprise you! So I decided to extend my stay!" He said, holding her tightly. She pulled back slightly. He let her settle down back on the ground.

"There is no room for you to stay," she pointed out.

"I will take the couch," he offered.

She smiled, and pulled into him again, this time with her arms around his mid-section. She rested her head on his chest. "It's so good to see you. It's really been too long." Her smile was huge, and kind.

"I'm sorry, Mom, I've just been so busy and you havn't come back in a few years."

"I know, I'm sorry," she apologized, pulling away from him. She turned to the group that was looking at her with confusion. "I'm sorry. How rude of me. This is Drystan, my son," she introduced to the group. "Drystan, this is Rusty; the boy I was telling you about. Brenda, whom you've heard about previously, as well. And Rusty's classmates; Judith, Leo, Terri, Piper, Gav, and Joseph." She point to each as she said their name.

Brenda stuck out her hand. "Nice to meet you Drystan," she said, her accent running thick, and a smirk on her face.

"You too," he said, with a smile. He took her hand, and kissed it lightly.

"My, you sure know how to flatter a woman," Brenda said, blushing lightly.

"I was trained well," he joked. Sharon elbowed him lightly.

"Oh, shush," Sharon laughed. There was a buzz, indicating their luggage was coming. They moved closer to the claiming area, each grabbing their bag as it came. Once Sharon grabbed her luggage, she turned to Drystan. "How long are you staying?"

"Just tonight, and I leave at 9pm tomorrow," he answered. He took her bag from her and threw it over his shoulder.

"Thank you," she acknowledged. "You know we will be gone all day tomorrow though?"

"I figured as much, I just wanted to see you. I know you're going to be busy, but I figured, why not?"

"Well, I am glad you did," she said giving him another small hug. She glanced over to Brenda and Rusty looking at her with a slightly uncomfortable gaze.

They left the airport using the shuttle to get to the car rental place. Once they got the car they drove down the streets. Sharon drove while Brenda sat beside her. Rusty and Drystan took the middle seat with Gav, after a long debate if he or Piper would sit next to Rusty. They were talking about the shows they were to see, and the upcoming chess tournament. Brenda turned to Sharon to ask her what they were to have to for dinner, when she saw Sharon in almost a trans like state.

"Sharon, are you alright?" She asked her, but received no response. Sharon continued to drive down the well known streets, lost in thoughts.

"Don't bother, she won't say anything till we get there. She does this every time she is here," Drystan explained. Brenda turned back to look at him sitting behind his mother.

"What do you mean, 'every time she is here?'" She asked, now confused.

He drew his eyebrows in. "We're heading to her house, she didn't tell you?"

"No," Brenda whispered, and glanced at Sharon. Sharon was still lost in her own mind. "She looks like she has a lot of memories here."

"She does… And not good ones. I am surprised she even agreed to stay there; I've never seen her there for more than an hour. She would have to feel really safe to do so."

Brenda wanted to grab her hand, but knew it was better not to. She would talk to Sharon about it later, but not know. She wanted to know why she hadn't told her.

Sharon's mind wondered back onto her youth. When she played in the streets till dusk, and her mother's voice calling her inside. Her grandma's warm home welcoming her. She would never forget playing down in the den and hearing the terrifying scream that forever changed her. She would never forget looking down at the dead body in her mother's study, and shielding her sister from seeing it.

"Mom!" She heard Drystan call her, snapping out of her thoughts. She jerked the car to the right, swerving around a cat in the middle of the road, and then realigned herself in the lane. This act caused everyone to grow momentarily panicked.

"Sorry," she apologized.

"Maybe you should pay a little more attention," Piper stated rudely. This got her a glare from multiple peoples in the vehicle.

"Are we almost there?" Brenda's patience asked. They were in Manhattan in front of a large building. It was a large home, but not big enough to be considered a "mansion", and the build was like an old Victorian home.

"Yes," she answered, turning on her turn signal and parked in front of the large old house.

"This is the house?" Rusty asked, in awe.

"Yes," she repeated.

"You should see the one in Utah my Grandma owns, it's three times this size," Drystan put in.

They opened the doors, got out, grabbed their luggage, and entered the home. The inside was even more extravagant then the outside. It was painting ivory, and bore many paintings and sculptures that fit the theme of the house. Its furniture was deep red, and dark stained wood. The foyer was all they had seen and they were all taken back. Sharon pushed and began the tour. On the first level was the kitchen, all baring new appliances due to her children staying there over the years. The living room, family room, men's study, one bathroom, dining room, and patio. The second floor consisted of the three bedrooms, and two baths, and the women's study.

Sharon had avoided going near the women's study, which was down at the end of the hall. Across from the master room, where Brenda and her were staying. The girls were staying in a bed room with one bed, and the boys in a room with double beds, while Drystan took the couch in the family room. They all unpacked and agreed to join back in the living room in fifteen minutes.

"This house looks like not much work has been done to it in years," Brenda said as they unpacked.

"There hasn't been much done to it since my family moved here in the 1800s, just some new appliances here and there" Sharon told her. "The house belonged to a wealthy merchant. My few times over great grandmother had an affair with the man who owned the house. Being Irish was looked down upon here at the time, so they couldn't be public about their relationship. They married in secret, and she was killed by some of the townsmen. Hung. And her husband shot himself years later," she paused for a moment looking towards the door again. Brenda knew she was thinking about the study. "She had a child before she died. All the land, and his business's went towards their son. Ever since then this house goes to the first born."

"And you don't live here because?" Brenda leaned against the dresser.

Sharon took a deep breath. "Many reasons. I don't really like being here at all, but I feel like I need to be right now… I choose not to live here, because by the time it was passed down to me I already had a family and home. I just let any of the family stay when they are here; hence the upgrades it does have."

Sharon and Brenda were the first to meet back downstairs, where Drystan was already sitting with a book in his hand. Sharon reached down, placing her hand on his shoulder lightly, calming his attention astray from the world it was in.

"Is there any food in the kitchen?"

"Uh, no. I didn't know what you'd want," he answered. She sighed, but knew he was right. They wouldn't be eating herr to much anyways.

"Is that pizzeria down the road still open?" She wondered, not knowing.

"Yea, I think so. Want me to go get some?"

"Well, we can order it, go get some groceries, and pick it up on the way back," she told him. She looked at Brenda. "You wouldn't mind staying here with the kids, would you?"

Brenda shrugged. "No. That's fine."

Sharon smiled lightly. "Is there anything you'd like me to pick up at the store?" She asked her.

"Not that I can think of," she said, glad that Sharon cared to ask. Sharon tilted her head.

"You sure?"

Brenda laughed slightly. "I'm positive. If I think of anythin' I'll call."

"Okay," She said, reaching out for her hand. She squeezed it lightly, and dropped it. She turned to Drystan. "Let me get my coat, and we can go." She walked back upstairs, grabbed her coat, and waited in the doorway of her old bedroom, and watched Rusty unpacking his things with the other boys.

"Rusty," she said, calling his attention. He looked over to her with excitement in his eyes.

"Yea?" He wondered.

"Drystan and I are going to get pizza, any specific kind you want?"

"Uh, meat lovers?" He suggested. She nodded.

"I will be back soon, Brenda is staying with you guys."

"Alright," he said. She turned to walk away, but was stopped. "Wait, Sharon. Is there a chess board around here? We want to practice a bit."

"Uh, yea, it's in… in the uh," she thought back all those years ago. The memory of the location hit her, and she shook her head. "No… There isn't one. Sorry. I will pick one up. See you when I get back." She walked out of the room, back downstairs to see her son and Brenda waiting.

"We'll be back shortly," Sharon told them, pulling out the keys from her pocket.

"I'll be here ," Brenda replied with a slight tilt of her head.

"I know you will," Sharon continued, and looked at her with a small smirk. Brenda saw Sharon's gaze, and cleared her throat. "Till then," she said, making her way to the foyer.

Drystan went after her, throwing his coat over himself as he did. They walked out to the van together, Sharon taking the passengers, letting Drystan take the drivers. Sharon called in their order as they drove to the grocery store, and was told that her order would be ready in 45 minutes. Drystan pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store.

Once inside, she grabbed a few things she knew they would need for breakfast, lunch, and snacks for the students. It wasn't until they were in the bread isle down at the other end of the store, that Drystan finally decided to say something about what he had seen between his mother and Brenda.

"So, Mom," he began. Sharon looked away from the bread, and looked at him.

"Huh?" She wondered.

"What's… Uh… What's going on between you and Brenda?" He asked. Sharon's mouth opened slightly.

"What are you talking about?" She played cool.

"Mom, come on. I'm not blind. I've never seen you act like that with anyone except me, Caycee, and Aunt Vivvi. You're so kind to her, and from what you've told me over the years, this is a fairly recent development. You are usually harsh, especially with others you work with. You've certaintly never even act like that to people you've dated, men or women."

"I've never slept with any of the women I've dated, Drsytan," she informed him. Her eyes shut her eyes tight, bit her tounge, after realizing that she just unintentionally admitted her relationship status to him. Then she brought her lips in, and opened her eyes. She looked at Drystan whose mouth hung open in awe. "It's not like that," she tried to cover it.

"Really, then what's it like. I'm really curious to know?"

She tried to think of an excuse, but she couldn't. "It's not…" She sighed, giving up. "It's more than just that," she told the truth.

"You love her?" He asked. Her eyes welled, and she nodded slightly.

"I do," she answered. He nodded. He had known that his mother was bisexual since he was young, but he never thought of her actually being with a woman until now. He just wanted her to be happy, which is what brought up his next question.

"Wasn't she wearing a wedding ring?" Unable to answer out loud, she nodded again. "Mom!" He exclaimed. "You're having an affair with a married woman? Are you insane?"

"Lower your voice," she demanded, looking around to make sure he hadn't drawn unwanted attention. "And my love life is none of your concern," she said, stepping closer so no one would hear her. She grabbed two loafs of bread and stuck them in the cart. She began pushing the cart away, when Drystan stopped it by grabbing the side.

"It is my concern, you're my mother," he reminded her. "I don't want you to get hurt, or this to somehow hurt Rusty. Plus, what am I going to tell Vivvi and Caycee?"

She turned to him. "You aren't going to tell them anything! I know you and your sister have always shared your secrets, but this isn't yours to keep. It's mine. Do you understand?"

He nodded, reverting back to his five year old self. "Yes, ma'am," he said. He sighed. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I've never seen you so… invested in a relationship. And that is just seeing how you act in the brief time I've seen you together. I can see it in the way you look at each other. I can't even imagine how you are acting when you aren't trying to hide your relationship. And it's such a dangerous relationship, too. It's so unlike you to put yourself in such a compromising position. I've always thought that was why you never had been in a serious relationship, as a way of protecting yourself."

"I've always held a lot of responsibility since your grandmother died, I had to take care of Vivvi, and then I moved and got married, and had to take care of you and Caycee. I couldn't take a chance like that…" She told him. "I still shouldn't be; not while I'm watching over Rusty. What happened between Brenda and I, never should have happened. It hurts me everyday, Drystan. I don't know how it is going to end. It's stupid and foolish and selfish, but I love her so much. I think I deserve it, at least once. She means everything to me, and I can't loose her. Not now. It probably doesn't make sense to you, but I can't. It would hurt worse."

"I do understand, that is how I feel with Aibhilin. It's why I married her. I just…" he stopped and thought for a moment. "I hope that it turns out for the best. I want you to be happy for once. You do deserve it, Mom."

"Thank you, Honey," she said with a small smile. "I am happy though, she makes me happy. It scares me, but I can't live without her."

He saw the truth in his mothers eyes, and he had never see her be so honest. "If something goes wrong, and you need someone to talk to about it, I'm here."

She squeezed his arm slightly. "I know, thank you." She looked down at the cart. "We should hurry, the pizza should be done soon."

They rushed through the rest of the store, grabbing things they thought would be needed (along with the cheese board she'd promised), and drove to the pizzeria. When they walked up to the counter, their order of 4 pizza's was ready. Drystan drove them back to Sharon's house. Sharon greeted Brenda briefly, while Drystan began putting up the groceries, and headed upstairs to inform the others that dinner had arrived. She walked down stairs as the others rushed by her, in a hurry for food.

Once she reached the kitchen, Brenda was the only one still in the room, and the pizza boxes were nearly empty. All but four slices had been left. Sharon looked at the boxes in awe.

"You'd think they were hungry?" She said, still gawking down at the boxes.

"They swarmed, grabbed, and were gone to the dining room. I didn't dare cut in," Brenda explained. Sharon smirked, laughing through her nose. Brenda handed her a plate, which she accepted.

"Thank you."

They grabbed their dinner with a glass of water each, and walked to the dining room. Rusty's class mates were sitting in chairs Brenda had located for them, and were kind enough to leave both of them a spot at the dining room table. Though, none had seemed to realize when Sharon and Brenda walked into the room.

"Piper, shut the hell up," Judithcalled across the table. "The 30 seconds your ex-boyfriend lasted, doesn't count as sex."

The sip Sharon had just taken, spat back out and across the table and onto Piper and Gavine. Earning a yelp from Piper. She bent over, and pinched her nose tight. She coughed heavily, the soda rolling out of her mouth and onto her pants. Brenda looked over to her, and began laughing. As well did the rest of the room.

"Oh god, it's in my nose," Sharon pleaded for someone to help, still pitching her nose and hunched over.

Brenda grabbed a napkin, and handed it to Sharon. Which Sharon clamped under her nose to let the soda come out. While she fixed that Brenda grabbed another, and tried whipping it off her free hand (and down to her elbow) and lap.

"You okay?" Brenda asked.

"It burns," Sharon replied, trying to get it the rest of the fluid out of her. She cleared her throat, and patted her nose dry. "Thank you," she said with a watery voice. Her eyes now blood shot.

"You're welcome," Brenda said, trying not to laugh again. She grabbed Sharon's chin with her finger tips, making her look at her, and dapped the rest of the soda from around her mouth using her finger and the napkin. After Brenda had finished, Sharon grabbed a napkin, and began dabbing her pizza dry.

"Is that really appropriate dinner talk?" Sharon asked the two girls. The girls coward back into their seats.

"We didn't realize you were in here," Olivia said. She pushed her black hair behind her heavily pierced ear.

"You should grow more aware of your surroundings. A comment like that could get you detention in school," she warned. The girls nodded, and looked down to their food.

"Yes, Ma'am," they said in unison.

*.*.*.*.*

Sharon sat on the edge of the bed, and looked over to Brenda.

"What?" Brenda asked curiously.

"I'm sticky," Sharon answered. She gripped her arm and pulled it off, feeling the stickiness on her arm. She looked up to Brenda, and frowned.

"Well, then get in the bath," Brenda pointed.

"Both of the ones up here are being used, and you said you were going to take a shower in the one downstairs," she replied.

"I can wait, I don't have soda all over me," she said, once again laughing at the situation.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

Sharon grabbed her bathrobe, and a towel on her way downstairs. She stopped briefly to see if anyone needed to use to restroom before she got in. She turned on warm water for a bath, plugging the drain for the water to stay. She knelt down to the cabinet under the sink to see if her mothers candles were still there. Which they were. She reached to the top of the drawer under the sink, pulling a hidden match box from it. She lit the candles, and set them beside the tub. She placed a small about of bubbles in the pouring water, and watched them foam. Her hair was then pulled up into the clip she pulled from her bath road, leaving a few hairs dangling free from the clip. Carefully, she took off her clothing, and rested into the tub with a slight hum of relaxation. She rushed through washing her body so she could spend more of the time relaxing.

She found her lost in the bliss of nothingness. She hadn't know how long she had been lying in the water, nor did she seem to mind that fact. Her mind only started again as she heard a knock on the door, and her heart skip a beat and her body to sit up.

"Yes?" She called out.

"Are you okay?" Brenda called back.

"Fine." She leaned back against the walls of the tub, and closed her eyes again. She heard the door click, and Brenda swiftly enter the bathroom. Her left eye peaked open, and watched as Brenda began taking off her clothing. "Planning on joining me?"

"If you are goin' to take this long, yes I am," Brenda confirmed. She carefully stepped into the bath at the opposite end of Sharon.

"You shouldn't be in here," Sharon warned.

"And you should lock the door," Brenda retaliated. Her hand moved along Sharon's calve.

"Mm, I forgot." Sharon's voice got shallower as Brenda's hand moved to the inside of her thigh.

"I didn't."

Brenda's body now hovered above Sharon's. Her hands roaming Sharon's lower half.

"We can't," Sharon said, almost as a plea for Brenda not to press on further. She knew if Brenda did she'd give in, but it was not the right time nor place.

"If you're quite we can." Sharon looked at with a look of 'seriously'. They had never been quite, or at least not on Sharon's end. "You're right." Brenda's hand cupped between Sharon's legs, causing Sharon to half whimper and gasp. "But you want it so bad." Her finger's began playing with the folds underneath them, causing Sharon's mouth to open wide and her head to tilt back. A moan pushed through her. Brenda took her free hand and covered Sharon's mouth. "Sh," she said, knowing it would do nothing. "Do you really want everyone in the house knowing what I am doing to you?" The words elicited another moan from Sharon, and her hands threw up to grip the edges of the bathtub.

*.*.*

Brenda felt Sharon's hand run along her back, cleaning it for her. She leaned back into the brunettes arms once she had finished rinsing it off. Sharon rested chin on Brenda's shoulder and wrapped her arms around her.

"I can't believe you did that," Sharon said.

"What? Surprised you with mind blowing sex?"

"Yes, we can't do that here. Not with so many people around. Not when it is so easy to get caught."

"Do you ever take risks?"

Sharon laughed slightly at the statement. "What do you think all of this is?" She exhaled slightly. "Shouldn't you be the one more cautious?" Sharon began cleaning off Brenda's arm.

"I should be, but I'm not. When I am with you, I just don't care. I just want to be with you. I want you happy, and excited," she explained. "I don't even care about my own pleasure, just as long as I know you do." She leaned further back into Sharon's body.

They were silent for a few moments. The only sound came from the water, and their movements.

"Tell me a poem," Brenda requested.

"Off the top of my head?"

"You can't tell me you don't know one. You full of thin's like that, and I know you to well for you to tell me you don't."

"I guess you do. Give me a second." Sharon searched her mind for a few moments, thinking of which one to tell Brenda. "Okay, I have one:

So long had life together been that now

the second of January fell again

on Tuesday, making her astonished brow

lift like a windshield wiper in the rain,

so that her misty sadness cleared, and showed

a cloudless distance waiting up the road.

So long had life together been that once

the snow began to fall, it seemed unending;

that, lest the flakes should make her eyelids wince,

I'd shield them with my hand, and they, pretending

not to believe that cherishing of eyes,

would beat against my palm like butterflies.

So alien had all novelty become

that sleep's entanglements would put to shame

whatever depths the analysts might plumb;

that when my lips blew out the candle flame,

her lips, fluttering from my shoulder, sought

to join my own, without another thought.

So long had life together been that all

that tattered brood of papered roses went,

and a whole birch grove grew upon the wall,

and we had money by some accident,

and tonguelike on the sea, for thirty days,

the sunset threatened Turkey with its blaze.

So long had life together been without

books, chairs, utensils-only that ancient bed-

that the triangle, before it came about,

had been a perpendicular, the head

of some acquaintance hovering above

two points which had been coalesced by love.

So long had life together been that she

and I, with our joint shadows, had composed

a double door, a door which, even if we

were lost in work or sleep, was always closed;

somehow its halves were split and we went right

through them into the future, into night."

She had recited it word for word, without flaw, pause, or hesitation. Her voice giving the tone giving even more to the poem. By the time she had finished Brenda had finished washing herself.

"You like that poem," Brenda said, more as a statement than a question.

"I do. It was my mothers favorite," Sharon told her. She pushed Brenda's back slightly, urging her to sit up so Sharon could get out. She grabbed a towel, and began dabbing herself dry.

"Why don't you ever talk about them?" Brenda questioned. She leaned against the edge of the bathtub with her arms folded on top of it, watching Sharon.

"About who?" She replied, not looking back to Brenda.

"Your parents."

Sharon shifted uneasily, her shoulder popping in the process. "What's there to talk about? They are both dead. They both abandoned me in body and soul." Her voice almost snapped. She pulled her hair out of the clip, and ran her fingers through it mixing the wet strands into the dry ones.

Brenda was taken back. Had she known that she wouldn't have said anything. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

Sharon rubbed her lips together, as she sat on the edge of the tub. "Don't apologize. How could you have known?" Her fingers traced down Brenda's cheek to her jaw. She lifted Brenda's face, and kissed her softly. "I'm sorry for snapping," she said as ran her thumb along Brenda's bottom lip.

"Its fine."

Sharon stood, and threw her bathrobe on. "I will see you back upstairs."

"Yes, you will."

*.*.*.*.*

Brenda, half asleep, reached across the bed to pull Sharon in close to her. Her hand fell into the empty bed beside her. She squinted trying to see if Sharon was beside her, which she was not. Her body sat up, and looked around.

"Sharon?" She called out. She gained no response. As she stood, she wrapped her robe around her half naked body. "Sharon?" She called out again, as she opened the bedroom door.

She saw a light coming from under the door across the hall in the study. Skeptically she opened the door, and saw Sharon sitting on the floor with her hand resting beside the red stained wood. The room looked as though it hadn't been opened it years. As she walked around the dust covered desk and closer to Sharon, she realized that Sharon was silent crying.

"Sharon?" She said softly. Sharon looked up to her, and Brenda's heart sunk. She knelt beside Sharon, and pulled her into a hug. Brenda looked down at the stain on the floor, assuming it was blood. Her thoughts were confirmed as she looked over to the wall, were blood splatter laid. "Why don't we go back to the room?" She suggested.

Sharon nodded into her shoulder. Brenda helped Sharon up, and Sharon's terrified eyes wondered around the room on last time. Quickly Brenda rushed them out of the room, and back into the bedroom. She made sure to lock the door to the study on the way out. She laid Sharon down, and laid beside her. She tried soothing Sharon by bringing her into her as much as she could. Sharon was wrapped around Brenda, and her head rest on Brenda chest as though Brenda was cradling her. Brenda's hand made small circles on Sharon's shoulder and, with her other hand, the small of her back. She felt a need to protect Sharon from whatever horrors were in that room.

"I couldn't sleep," Sharon finally said, her voice wavering from trying not to cry in front of Brenda.

"You don't have to explain," Brenda said. Though she wanted to know, she didn't want to push Sharon.

"Yes, I do. I thought I could do it, with you here. I feel safe with you, but I can't stop thinking about that room. My mind is stuck on that awful day."

"The rest of the reason why you don't come to this house?" Sharon nodded yes.

"I was 5, and this was still my Grandmothers home. We were up here all the time from Salt Lake City. It was my mothers favorite place to be. She suffered from postpartum depression, she never got over it. It got worse, and worse, until one day she got a phone call. I just remember hearing the phone ringing, and I was downstairs in the basement, playing. Not long after the phone had rung, I heard a loud pop. It was followed by my Grandmothers scream. I'd never heard her scream like that. So, I ran to where I hear it coming from, and I found my mother in a pool of her own blood. Half face was blown off, and a gun was lying in her hand. I had never seen a dead body before, or even knew of anyone that died. I still remember it as if it happened yesterday, and being here only makes it worse. I wanted to help Rusty, and pitch in with the trip. And with you here I thought I could be strong enough, but I'm not." Brenda pulled her in closer.

"Yes, you are. You are so much stronger than you know, Sharon. That's what I love about you."

Sharon pulled back to look into Brenda's eyes with curiosity. She wondered if the blonde had realized her confession, but she didn't seem to. It was as though it was the most natural thing in the world for her to say. Sharon curled back into Brenda's chest.

"My mother was never really there for me, but took care of me. My father lost the love of his life, and was never there in mind growing up. I had to take care of myself and…" she trailed off. Sharon had opened up to Brenda about a lot of thing, but her sister was one she couldn't. Not right now, on top of the discussion already.

Brenda had no idea what time it was. She was to worried about Sharon to even look at the clock. She could only assume that it was late.

"Try to get some sleep; tomorrow is going to be a long day, and you need it. I'll be right here when you wake up," she promised. And she was.

When Sharon opened her eyes the next morning, Brenda's was fast asleep with her arms around her. She smiled lightly, and moved her armed, that were curled into her own chest, around Brenda. She wanted to stay like this the whole day, like she did every time she touched Brenda. But she knew she couldn't. She knew she had to get up and make breakfast for all who were there.

With a sigh, she pulled away from Brenda's warm embrace. She hadn't realized how cold it was until she had done so. Silently, she put on a pair of jeans with a sweater, and made her way downstairs. The rest of the house was still asleep. When she walked through the living room, she couldn't help but let a small laugh at her son thrown about the couch with his limbs hanging off.

'Eggs and bacon, or French toast?' she debated once she opened the fridge. She had landed on what sounded better for her, the French toast. Once she had begun frying some pieces of the toast in the skillet, she heard footsteps behind her.

"Good morning," she said, to whomever was behind her. She felt small hands rub over her hips, and down to her abdomen, and a head rest on her shoulder.

"Good mornin'," Brenda repeated back. "That smells amazin'."

Sharon inhaled the sent. The smell filled her with some sort of homey happiness, that she couldn't explain. "It does," was all she said in reply.

Brenda moved her right hand off of Sharon, and pushed Sharon's hair over her right shoulder. She kissed her neck tenderly, making Sharon hum. Sharon's hand, that was not turning over a piece of toast, reached down for Brenda's.

"You know we can't," she warned.

"No one is awake," Brenda teased. Sharon looked over her shoulder, now face to face with Brenda.

Sharon bit the edge of her lip. "Mm," she mummered as she closed in on Brenda. Their lips brushed across each others soft at first, then grew into a loving one when Sharon reached back for Brenda's neck. It wasn't long until Sharon had turned around. Brenda pushed her into the counter, gaining a yelped from Sharon. Brenda's body was so close to Sharon's. Her arms around Sharon's waist, Sharon's were around Brenda's neck. The kiss's were small, and broken. Brenda's hands pushed under Sharon's silk top, tracing her hands in small circles on the small of her back.

"Ah hem," they heard. Both jumped turning around, and away from each other, and saw Drystan standing in the door way with a cocked eyebrow. Brenda 's hand flew over her mouth, and Sharon looked down.

"No one is awake?" She questioned Brenda again.

"He wasn't when I walked through," she defended.

"My phone woke me up, and I heard Mom in here and I wanted to tell her something," he explained. Sharon turned back to the toast, which was clearly burnt.

"And what was that, Dear?" She asked. "Oh, it burnt," she stated obviously.

"I think if you hadn't been eating your girlfriends face off that wouldn't have happened," he pointed out in a joking manor. Brenda coughed slightly. Drystan walked over to his mother, as she dumped the bread into the trash. He pulled out his phone, and showed a picture that caused her to drop the pan into the garbage. She looked up to Drystan, not caring of the discarded pan or the fact that it was burning through the plastic bag.

"Oh my god," she yipped with excitement. She snatched the phone from his hands. "Oh my god!"

"What?" Brenda asked. Sharon practically shoved the phone into Brenda's face.

"I'm going to be a grandma!" She exclaimed. Brenda took the phone Sharon's hand to look at the photo on it.

"Aibhilin is two weeks in her second trimester," he told them.

"You waited four months to tell me!?" She almost growled at him.

"We were going to tell anyone until she had made it past the first trimester. I knew she was going to the doctor's last night, and sent me the photo's just now. I wanted to tell you in person."

Her face grew soft, and teary. "Is this why you extended your trip, to tell me in person that I am going to be a grandmother?" He nodded. She pulled her son into a tight hug. "I'm so happy for you, Honey."

"Thanks."

"I hate to break up this happy moment, but I think the pan you dropped in the trash is burnin' through the garbage can," Brenda said looking over to the trash can. The room now smelling like burning plastic, and filled with a dim smoke.

"Shit," she mumbled rushing over to the can. She pulled the pan out of the trash, seeing the thick line it had burn through the can. "Shit." She threw the pan into the sink. She sighed , and pushed her hair behind her ear.

"Where are the pans?" Brenda asked Drystan, quiet enough for Sharon not to hear. He pointed to the cabinet on the opposite side of her. She silently walked over, and knelt down to grab another.

Sharon watched her with a small twinkle in her eye as Brenda helped her. Brenda walked up to the oven, and began another piece of French toast. A small smile appeared on Sharon's face.

"You don't have to do that," she told Brenda.

"I want to," Brenda said, urging her that she would take over.

"Well, in that case. I'll go wake everyone up, let them fight over the bathrooms, and such."

Sharon walked out of the kitchen, and towards the stairs. Drystan turned to Brenda. He sighed, slightly.

"Is somethin' wrong?"

"Don't hurt her," he said in almost warning like tone. Brenda looked back.

"I don't intend to," she replied.

"Then why are you still married?"

She nearly dropped the spatula. "I'm sorry?"

"I asked you, that if you don't want to hurt her why are you still married? She may have this hard exterior, but she has her weak spots. She has gone through a lot in life-"

"-I know."

"And she doesn't deserve that, and you don't deserve her-"

"-I know," she repeated and started the next few pieces of toast. She knew Sharon deserved better than her, everyone deserved better than her; or at least that was how she felt.

"You don't deserve her love-"

"-I kn-…" she stopped and looked him dead in the eye. "What?"

"She loves you, Brenda. I've never seen her more in love with anyone, and I don't think she has been in love like the one she shares with you. Not ever. She has forced herself to never fall in love. If you hurt her, you will surely lose the best thing that has ever happened to you." Brenda felt herself cowering inside herself. She knew what he was saying was more than true. And it all made sense as to why Sharon, the woman Brenda would have thought to taken all control of a relationship, was so resistant. "I can see you love her too…" She bit her lip at hearing yet another truth. "That's why I am hoping you'll make it right choice."

Brenda looked down, blinking away tears. She wished it was that easy. She prayed it was.

Sharon swooped back into the kitchen, still with a large smile on her face. She was practically beaming. Seemingly happy and perfectly content. She bounced with glee in her step.

"They will be coming down once they stop fighting over the bathrooms," she said looking at between the two of them. Her smile faded slightly when she saw Drystan's serious face, and Brenda's eye watering. "What's wrong? What's going on?"

"Nothing," they both said in sync. Sharon walked up to Brenda. She brushed her index finger along Brenda's cheek, whipping a tear.

"Why are you crying?" Sharon asked with concern. Brenda turned into Sharon's hand tenderly and gave a her a unconvincing smile.

"We'll talk about it later," she told Sharon, grabbing her hand that was on her face and holding it lightly.

"Okay," Sharon mumbled, hoping she would be true to her word. Though Brenda hoped that she would forget. She gave Brenda's hand a reassuring squeeze before pulling away. Just in time to, just Gav and Rusty made their way into kitchen.

"Hey," Rusty said, looking over Brenda to see the cooking food. "Smells good."

"Good, these ones are done," Brenda added. She pulled the three pieces off, and she placed them on plate. She handed the plate backwards to the boys. She didn't pay attention to who took it as she quickly placed next few in the pan.

She followed these measures until there was enough pieces for everyone. She ate in silence. When they finished eating, she went upstairs and dressed in silence. Sharon was trying to be hopeful, and to not ask. Though it was hard, she managed to refrain.

*.*.*.*.*

"I can't believe you all are still awake," Sharon said, sitting on the sofa next to Brenda. She looked around the living room at the teenagers filling it.

"It's only 9pm our time," Piper said, almost sarcastically.

"We aren't really tired," Rusty added.

Sharon sighed, knowing she was. They had gone to Liberty Island, a museum, dinner, and a show today, and after not sleeping well the previous night she was very tired. She only imagined Brenda was too, because she had kept her up.

"How about a movie?" Sharon suggested.

"What movies do you have?" Gav wonder, almost scared of the selection.

Sharon looked up to the ceiling. "I don't actually know," she said, trying to recall the last time she had watched a movie in this house.

Though she'd known Drystan would certainty have some around. She wished she'd been smart enough to ask before him leaving back to Utah earlier that day. She stood, and walked up to the television set. She pulled opened the drawer right beneath it and was relieved to find it full of cassette tapes and DVD's.

"I have, uh," she gazed over the options, her eyes landing on one. "What is Dances With Wolves?"

Brenda looked at her with awe. "You've never seen it before?"

"No, should I have?" She wondered.

"Everyone should see this, at least once. It's a classic," Brenda informed her. Her eyes were wide, still with disbelief. "Am I the only one that's seen it?" She asked, looking around the room at the confused eyes. "I am. Put it in," she demanded.

"What's it about?" Joseph asked.

"Just watch it," she said, urging them on in almost a begging tone. She hadn't seen the movie in years, almost 20, and wouldn't mind seeing it again.

"Fine," Sharon said with a sigh.

She lifted herself so she was above the dvd player, and carefully placed the movie inside. She then moved back to the couch beside Brenda, waiting for the movie to start. Leo, stood and turned off the light. The boys moved to the floor, so they could lay, leaving the couch to Brenda and Sharon alone. They now had the whole couch, were not required to sit so near each other.

After twenty minutes into the movie, Gav scrambled up, and looked at Sharon directly in her face. Sharon, who was now on the opposite end of the couch, with her legs curled next to her.

"Oh my god, you look _just_ like her?!" He exclaimed.

"Just like who?" Sharon wondered. Gav moved over to the TV, and waited for the screen to show the woman again, but this time an up close shot. He paused the movie, and looked at Sharon.

"Her!"

"Stands with a Fist?" Brenda said, and looked over to Sharon. All that she, or anyone, could see of Sharon was made from the glow of the TV.

"Who?" Sharon asked Brenda.

"That's her name in the movie," Brenda said. "Oh my god you do!"

"You guys are insane," she stated, hoping this would end soon. It did not.

Leo stood again, turning back on the lights. The whole room now starring intensively, without wondering eyes, at her face. She was use to being stared at, but never had she felt so uncomfortable about it. She put her arms across her stomach, and looked at each person. They all had the same look on their faces, and were all doing a small agreeing nod.

"That's who you remind me of!" Piper exclaimed, breaking the silence. Sharon looked directly at her. "She is the same chick that plays the President in Battlestar Galactica," she explained. "I knew you looked like someone, but I couldn't place it."

"That's not the same chick," Terri intervened.

"Yes, it is," Piper argued back. The girls then got into a heated debate over it, causing Sharon to sigh heavily.

"Girls, either shut up or take this argument upstairs. I'm tired, and I go to sleep," Sharon said, cutting them off. The girls looked at each other, then moved back into their chairs. "Can we all just agree to disagree this woman looks like me?"

"You're the only one disagreeing," Rusty pointed out. She glared at him for a few seconds. "Just sayin'," he said before moving back down onto the floor. Leo shut back off the light, and Gav pressed play.

"She really is your doppleganger," Brenda whispered to Sharon. Sharon smirked at the ironic comment.

Brenda reached out to Sharon's feet, knowing they were hurting her from wearing heels all day, and began rubbing them. Sharon melted into her touch, and turned, putting her back against the arm of the couch. She extended her legs out, setting her feet on Brenda's lap. Brenda messaged them lovingly, as they watched the movie. The sensation made Sharon sleepier than she was.

*.*.*.*

Sharon eyes open, the room around her black with a dim light from the kitchen shinning in. A yawn rolled out of her, and her body stretched upward, and her hand wearily covered her mouth. She felt a weight on her chest, and reached down for it. She felt a head of hair, and she took in a small but purposeful breath. The familiar scent of the woman on her filled her. She smiled lightly, resting her hand on the woman's shoulder.

"Brenda," she said softly, not wanting to break the silence that filled the room. "Brenda, wake up, Honey." She shook Brenda's shoulder lightly, to wake her. Brenda groaned, clearly not wanting to wake.

"What?" Brenda replied in a whinny tone.

"We fell asleep downstairs," Sharon pointed out, recalling falling asleep during the movie. She wondered when they had ended up in the position they were currently in. "We should head up to bed," she suggested, pushing Brenda upright, as well as herself. Brenda huffed, not wanting to move.

"Fine," Brenda gave in, pouting.

Sharon stood, and grabbed Brenda's wrist, pulling her off the bed. Brenda's weight was heavy and lazy from sleep. She let out another groan, making Sharon laugh slightly.

"Come on, sleepy head," Sharon said at the tired blonde. Sharon's hand moved down to Brenda's, leading the way upstairs. "Let's get you to bed."

"Is that an invitation?" Brenda joke, making Sharon's smile wider.

Once they reached the next floor, Sharon let go of Brenda's hand. Which gained a confused look from Brenda.

"I'm going to check on the kids, make sure they're all here and asleep," she explained. Brenda nodded softly.

"I'll meet you in the room." With that Brenda walked to the end of the hall and into the master bedroom.

Sharon check the girls room first, all accounted for and asleep. She then moved onto the boys, and found herself lingering in the room. She watched Rusty fast asleep on the bed. Her bed from when she was a child. Her mind wanted to cry looking at him, knowing that she felt as though he was her son, but he wasn't.

"Sharon," she heard Brenda call quietly at the end of the hall. She exited the room silently, and saw Brenda standing in the doorway, the light from the room spilling into the hallway. She walked to the room, shutting the door. "What's wrong?" Brenda asked, now more awake. She sat them on the bed.

"Nothing."

"I can tell when you are lyin', what is it?" Brenda asked, worry in her eyes. Sharon sighed, setting her hand on Brenda's.

"You know the trail is in a few months," Sharon began. Brenda answered with a small nod. "I haven't told Rusty yet."

"Why not?" Brenda asked. The fact surprised her.

"He is happy, finally. He's found a home, a family, friends. He finally has a life. I can't bear to put a count down on that." Sadness filled her eyes, showing Brenda how much she didn't want him to leave.

"Then don't. Sharon, why don't you adopt him?" She suggested. Sharon smiled a little.

"I have thought about it," she confessed. "But I don't know. I don't think I would be able to, get accepted I mean. I am older than most candidates, and I work more than full time." Brenda could hear in Sharon's tone that she had thought about it, and quite a bit. She sounded slightly defeated.

"But don't you think they would take in consideration that you've been looking after him this whole time, and damn good too."

Sharon gave a weak smile. "Thank you."

"I mean it, you're the only person to care enough to take care of him. And I…" she trailed off. Sharon gripped her hand, urging her to continue. "I don't think it would be right of you not to at least try."

"What do you mean?"

"You've taken him in, shown him kindness, grown on him… If you take that away, he will never trust anyone ever again."

Sharon looked down, knowing there was truth to what Brenda was saying. She didn't want Rusty to leave at all, but she didn't want to be denied being his legal parent either. Knowing that she didn't want him to relapse into his old ways, she would have to swallow her pride and do what was best for him.

"Why don't we go to sleep? It's has to be late," She said.

She stood, and so did Brenda. Brenda moved to the other side of the bed, and carelessly threw off her clothing onto the floor and crawled into bed; leaving only her tank top and underwear on.

"No pajama's?"

"To tired," Brenda moan, pulling the covers over her and scooting deep into the bed. She was facing the wall opposite of Sharon, but had turned to look over her shoulder at the brunette.

Sharon lifted the black sweater she was wearing over her head along with her tank top underneath. She quickly folded the two before setting them on the dresser. She reached behind her unhooking her purple lace clad bra, setting it next to her sweater. Her hands fell down her pants, and unbutton them, and pulled them down her long legs. She felt another yawn coming over her, and reach out, curled her back, stretching. She let a soft scuffle push out of her, and she turned around wiping under her eyes from the leaking the yawn created.

"What?" She asked, seeing Brenda staring at her.

"How was I so wrong about you?" Sharon lifted her eyebrow in wonderment. "How could I have thought you the way I did?"

"Well," Sharon tried answering, but pulling open a drawer.

"No, don't put anything on," Brenda said, before Sharon could pull out her nightgown. Sharon bit her lip, nodded, and moved over to the bed. She turned off the light, and laid herself in the bed. "Well?" she pressed as she felt Sharon's arm wrap around her, and her warm body now pressed against her own.

"Brenda, I've told you things about my past that I've never told anyone. Things that I've force in the back of my mind for a very long time," she said. Sharon's hand rested over her stomach, and Brenda's hand met it, lacing their fingers together. "I put on a display, and I think that pushing those back made me as cold as I am."

"You're not cold," Brenda corrected. Sharon smirked slightly, and kissed Brenda's shoulder.

"That's sweet of you, but you and I both know that's not how I am seen. It's who I had to become. But you've changed me, Brenda. You've let me find what I've lost. When I am around you I am the person I want to be. I actually like myself," her tone was in a whisper.

"Thank you," Brenda said softly, "for letting me in. Letting me become this person for you."

"And thank you for relieving you judgments of me."

Brenda smiled, and ran her thumb over Sharon's. She tugged on her hand slightly, pulling the older woman closer to her. Sharon's head bent rest on her pillow. Moments passed, what Brenda assumed was close to ten and she knew she couldn't fall asleep, not without saying she needed to say. The words scared Brenda, but she could no longer deny them. They were suffocating her everytime she didn't say them.

"Sharon?"

"Mm?" Sharon replied, clearly half asleep.

"I love you," she finally said. The weight on her chest now lifted. She felt Sharon's heavy head move closer, and her lips caress her back lightly just to the right of her spin.

"I know," were the last words Sharon spoke before falling asleep.

A/N: Once again sorry that was so long.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I realize there were several inconstitincies last chapter. Sorry about that. One was Sharon and Brenda got water, but then it magically turned to soda (it was meant to be soda, but I was drinking water so that's what I wrote). Another is Judith's name was changed from Olivia, and it still says Olivia at one spot in the chapter. Sorry, if there are more that I didn't catch.

Chapter Eight

"What did you want to talk about?" Rusty asked Sharon as she sat him down in the living room. She waited for the room to be clear, and let out a small sigh.

"I haven't been telling you everything, Rusty," she told him.

"Is this really the time," he questioned assuming where this was heading. Though he assumed wrong.

"I don't really know," she said with a soft huff. It was better to just tell him, like quickly peeling off a bandaid. "The trail is coming, in the next few months."

Rusty's face fell. "What?! Why didn't you tell me?!" He almost yelled, making Sharon jump back slightly.

"It was selfish of me, I'm sorry," she said. "But I wanted to offer you something, if you wanted. If you wanted, I wonder…" she realized she repeated herself, stumbling on her words. "Uh… I don't know if I could become, or even if you wanted me to be, your mother. Legally your mother, I mean." Rusty's face lit up, not only was he happy to hear that but to see how nervous she was of asking him. "I don't want an answer now, if you want me to adopt you or not, but I want you to think about. I mean really think about it. I don't know if I would be granted it, even. But I am willing to try if you want." She smiled wearily.

"Alright, I'll think about it," he said trying to hide his smile. "Thanks, Sharon." She nodded slightly. He stood, and began walking out of the room.

"Oh, and if you would tell everyone that we will be heading out in about a half hour, or else we won't get back in time to get ready for dinner and the show," she told him. He nodded, and left the room.

They were heading to Time Square for the day after the students not letting her say no to going, but had to back no later than 4. Today they were to go to dinner at the finest restaurant that Gav's father could find, and then they were to go to the Met, and those two things Sharon knew would take her and the other girls a while to get ready for. It saddened her to know this was their last full day in New York, and they were to leave at 5pm tomorrow.

She walked out of the living room to the dining room to see Brenda, who was already for the day like Sharon, sitting at the dining room table with a cup of coffee. Brenda extended her arm out, handing Sharon the coffee she had made for her.

"Thank you," Sharon said, accepting it. She sat beside Brenda, and pushed Brenda's feet off of the table; the small act earned a pouty grunt from Brenda.

Her hand lingered on Brenda's leg, savoring the feeling. She had grown use to waking up with Brenda beside her during this past week, and didn't want that to go away. The two had grown even closer during this trip, sharing laughs and quick loving glances. Brenda had said that she loved her first thing every morning and the last thing at night. Sharon felt bad for not saying it back, because she knew she loved Brenda back, but couldn't bring herself to say it out loud.

They had done everything together this week, and Sharon would miss it terribly. She'd never acted the way she had with Brenda. She found herself being goofy, and admiring the smallest things. She burned as many images of her as she could into her brain of the simple things that Brenda would do when she was happy. The way her mouth opened slightly when she smiled, and how her shoulders pulled forward when she chuckled. The twinkle in her eyes when she realized her love for theater. The way she bit her lip and blushed anytime she caught Sharon starring at her while doing these small things.

Sharon was more than in love with Brenda. She was in awe, need, desire, hopelessness, and engulfed in this woman and everything she did. Going home meant not having that, at least not like this. It would go back to secret nights and lunches of hot passion. Which she didn't mind, but she wanted this side of Brenda too. She wanted all of her. She did not, however, want to share her anymore. The thought scared her. If she said that she wanted Brenda to choose, she knew she could lose her, but if she didn't she was scared she would lose herself in this game.

What she didn't know was that Brenda thought the exact same thing. She needed Sharon in her life, and felt it odd how she didn't feel guilt. She knew what she was going to do once she got back. She arranged a meeting with a lawyer for the day after tomorrow. She was going to divorce Fritz, and it made her nervous. She always felt she had to marry him; that he sprung the proposal on her in such an emotional state and she loved him so she had no choice. There wouldn't have been a problem in their marriage if he hadn't started drinking. If he hadn't lost himself at the bottom of the bottle and change his whole attitude, Brenda wondered if she would have ever found herself in such a compromising position. She wouldn't ever have given in to her desires for Sharon. She would have never even been in that bar that fateful night. She didn't to think Sharon was the only reason for her leaving Fritz was her, but she wasn't sure she was ready to tell Sharon everything that was going on. She knew if Sharon found out the whole truth it would break her, she could never let her know.

Her heart broke over the thought of her knowing. She felt more shame and guilt with Sharon knowing she was still sleeping with her husband, than her husband knowing she was sleeping with Sharon. Regardless of that, she never wanted Fritz to know the truth either. She would never tell him she was having an affair, and certainly not that it was with Sharon. She didn't want to hurt him like that, not to that degree. A part of her wondered that when she filled for the divorce, if he would blame himself. Which a part of him should. That also pung some guilt. Would she really let him think he had all the guilt in her leaving because she didn't want to tell him? _No,_ she told herself. If he knew, he would blame himself more and blame her in the wrong ways. He would drink more. She couldn't do that.

Some of the reasons she was thinking of the divorce was the drinking. She knew she influenced it by trying to encourage him to stop. She thought that if she left it might help. That he would either see how far he had fallen, or that she was the problem in the first place and she would remove the problem (herself.

"How'd it go?" Brenda asked, knowing what Sharon had just asked Rusty.

"Good, I think."

"You think?"

"I hope," she corrected. She took a sip of her coffee, and rolled her neck.

"I am sure he will want it," Brenda reassured her, grabbing her free hand. They shared a weary smile.

"I hope so, otherwise I am going to feel so foolish for thinking he did."

"Foolish, or hurt?" Brenda wondered, knowing the answer already. Sharon sighed, knowing it too. "I don't think I've ever think I've thanked you for doing what you did." Sharon lifted her eyebrow, not fully understanding what Brenda meant. "For cleaning up my mess I left you with Rusty. For taking him in and taking care of him. It was wrong of me to put that on you, and I wanted to properly thank you."

Sharon smiled at this. "If you had stayed, would you have actually taken him in anyway?"

Brenda shrugged. "I don't know. Probably not."

"So, I would have more than likely taken him in anyway."

"Oh, for heavens sake, with you just take my thanks," Brenda said.

"I am not going to say 'you're welcome', taking him in helped me and him. I can't imagine not doing it," she argued.

"Well, then you're welcome."

Sharon glared at Brenda for a minute, before taking another sip of her coffee. She took her hand away from Brenda's and placed it on the mug.

*.*.*.*

Brenda walked around the corner, facing Rusty and Sharon. She wore an 'I love New York' shirt and a foam Statue of Liberty hat. Sharon let out a chuckle and shook her head. Rusty made a blunt laugh.

"Oh no," Sharon said. "You look like a tourist. Take that off before someone tries to mug you," she insisted with a joking manner.

Brenda sighed, and pulled the hat off her head. "Well, we are in a souvenir shop."

"Doesn't mean you have to look like a tourist," Rusty pointed out, trying not to laugh more. Sharon nodded in agreement.

"Hey, I think I want something though. Something to remind of this wonderful week," Brenda said, with almost a pouty face.

"So, be normal and take some pictures," Piper put in. Brenda rolled her eyes, not liking the girl in the first place and her rudeness only making it worse.

"Thank you, Piper, I hadn't thought of that," she replied sarcastically.

"I'll get you something," Sharon said, reassuring her. "Something that will remind you of everything this week."

Brenda smiled. "Okay," she said with a small smile.

"Hey," Judith said walking up to them. Another new bag in her hands. Each of them had at least four bags in hand.

"Alright, we are going to make one more stop, and then we can head back and get ready," Sharon told them.

"Where else are we stopping?" Terri complained.

"I told Brenda I was getting her something, and I can at least try to be true to my word," she explained. Rusty sighed, not wanting to. "Fine, you guys go back to the car, and I will meet you there shortly. Brenda go with them."

"You sure?" Brenda wondered, not wanting to leave her.

"I'm sure. It'll be quicker if I go alone."

"Okay, we'll meet you back at the car," Rusty said, impatiently. He began walking out of the store, and towards the car.

"Go," she pushed Brenda. Brenda nodded, and followed.

*.*.*.*

"What is taking you so long?" Brenda asked opening the door on Sharon in the mist of changing. Brenda smiled the woman in front of her was only wearing only a bra and panties.

"Brenda! Do you knock!?" She exclaimed, covering herself in case anyone was walking by.

"It's just me, calm down," she told her, walking in. She shut the door behind her.

Sharon sighed. "I'm almost done, I just need to put on my dress."

"Oh, you need help?" She suggested, moving closer to the older woman. Her red dress clung to her torso and the skirt frilling around her. The few lose curls that had broken free from her sloppy French twist bounced with each step.

"I'm good, thank you," Sharon said. She crossed over to the old wardrobe, and opened it. She pulled out the dress bag that had been hanging side it all week. "I'll be down in a second, you don't have to wait for me."

"What if I wanna watch you change?" Brenda asked, moving the back of her index finger along Sharon's shoulder and down the top of her chest.

Sharon gently ran her teeth over her bottom lip. "I think you should wait till later tonight to see me undress," she said in a suggestive tone. She didn't want the possibility of Brenda ruining her carefully applied make up or hair.

"Hm," Brenda said with a pout, though she was allured by the proposition. She walked out, and back down the stairs waiting with the rest of them.

All of them were taking pictures of each other with their intentions to post them on social media site clear. Brenda found herself being sucked into some of the pictures as Rusty asked her to take one with him. It was only a minute or so until Sharon heels were heard on the hard wood staircase.

Brenda looked up and saw the woman, unable to help the grin that appeared. Sharon wore a cerulean coloured dress that was floor length. The dress bore lose pleats starting just below the waist, and down to the floor, making it look like a flowing river. The top was a one sleeve square neckline; the sleeve, which was on her left shoulder, started as a thick upside down triangle, but as it passed her shoulder it became forked. The first division stretched all the way across her back to her right side, and the second to her left side. Her hair was in lose ribbon curls and pulled back into a half ponytail. The ring Brenda had given her just over a week ago matched it perfectly, glistening with the dim light. She moved down the stairs with ease, joining the crowd, though standing out among them.

"Wow, Sharon," Rusty said, catching site of her. "You look amazing." This comment made the rest look to her.

"Agreed," Brenda added.

"Why don't we get a picture of you three," Leo suggested. Sharon nodded, moving closer to Brenda and Rusty. She pulled her arm around Rusty, and Brenda did the same. They smiled as the flash run out. It then followed by a picture of just Sharon and Rusty, and then of Brenda and Sharon.

While taking the photograph of Sharon and Brenda, their opposing arms wrapped around the others waist. Their hands clung to the others waist. Brenda could have sworn she heard one of them cough 'just kiss her', which tempted her to do so.

"We should get going to dinner," Sharon said, pulling away from Brenda.

*.*.*.*

"What the hell is that?" Piper wondered, more towards Rusty. She poked at her food.

Rusty shrugged. "How the hell should I know?" He said, clearly annoyed by her.

Most of them were annoyed by Piper, and Piper had an obvious crush on Rusty. But Sharon somehow understood Piper, feeling somewhat bad for the girl. Sharon chuckled at the girls clear attempts to woo Rusty, and how bluntly Rusty kept turning her down.

"Would you like some wine?" the waiter asked Sharon and Brenda.

"No," Sharon said, "I don't." She said knowing she was driving, and it would not be right on this trip to do so. _Though, there are worse things I have done on this trip that shouldn't have been done, _Sharon thought.

"I'll have a glass," Brenda answered, knowing just one glass would influence her to much. He nodded, and poured her a glass. Brenda swirled the liquid in her glass, mixing it to her content, and took a sip. She noticed Brenda was staring at her. "What?"

"Nothing," Sharon said, turning her head away, blushing. She cut her steak, and took a small bite. "So, what was your guys favorite part about the trip?" She asked the table.

"The whole trip isn't over," Joseph pointed out.

"So far," she corrected herself.

"I loved Wicked," Judith said, unsurprisingly. "It was amazing. I'd love to do Broadway, it's so exciting!"

"Mine was orchestra, it was so peaceful, and tailored," Terri added. "I've never really seen one live, and seeing it live gives it so much more life." Sharon nodded in agreement, she also enjoyed going to a good orchestra now and then.

"Mine was that fight we saw with the guy and the hobo," Joe said. Getting a shocked look from all at the table. "That was so funny," he said.

"That isn't funny," Piper said horrified. "It's sad."

"The man was asking for money for food, and the man kicked him for it. What that man did was cruel," Sharon added. Joe rolled her eye, clearly not caring for her words. "Next," she said not wanting to talk any more.

"I liked the shopping," Piper added.

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Brenda quipped back. The comment earned her a nudge in the side from Sharon. "Ow," she muttered, looking at Sharon who was looking at her.

"I liked the sight seeing. I love it here in the City. It's so different than being in LA," Terri said.

"I preferred the actual show, the hustle and bustle of it," Gav said. "Reminded me of why I like theater of much. I realized how much I liked it and enjoyed it. The happiness, and emotions it brought from the audience. I love it."

Brenda and Sharon smiled at the answer. Knowing his answer was true and heartfelt.

"Your next," Gav nudged towards Rusty.

"Oh, right. My favorite part was not having to deal with school," he joked, getting a laugh from table. "Seriously, this week was stress free. It was nice." He looked to Sharon, it being her turn.

"My favorite part was relaxing to," she answered. "I haven't had a good break in year, and I got to spend it actually enjoying myself. I was able to enjoy the small things in life I missed; good shows, being here in New York City again, friendship." She looked at Brenda refraining from say 'love'. "It's been nice to remember all those things. And your favorite thing, Brenda?"

"Uh," Brenda paused, thinking. "I don't know," she said with a shrug. "I just enjoyed your company," she said to Sharon, but tried playing it off that she meant all of them by moving her gaze across the table. Sharon blushed slightly and turned back to her food, biting her lip.

She narrowed her eyes. "Shoot," she muttered.

"What?" Rusty and Brenda asked in sync.

"I left the card in the center council," she said standing. She was referring to the card Gav's father had given her for food and gas. "I'll be right back."

She walked to the front of the restaurant, got her coat from the hostess, and walked outside. She then retrieved her keys from valet. Her heels clicked on the gravel, and she wrapped her arms around her stomach from the cold. The air was brisk, but not windy. It froze her nose, ears, and cheeks, and it made her breath crystalize. This she did not miss about New York, she hated the cold.

Once she reached the car, she unlocked it, and leaned in to pull out the card, slipping it into her purse. She also pulled out the pack of cigarettes she had hidden under her seat. She pulled out one cigarette and the packet of matches that were inside it. She placed the cigarette in her mouth, balancing between her lips as she lit it. She inhaled deeply, relaxed by its soothing toxins. She pushed the smoke out of her nose, and then bent down to put the cigarettes back in their hiding spot. She turned around, shut the door, and leaned against the car as she took another long drag of her poison.

Her eyes slip shut, feeling the nicotine filling her lungs. She knew she shouldn't be smoking, especially on this trip but she was alone and didn't see the harm. She shouldn't have even bought the pack. She couldn't help it though. She gave it up, and now she was back to it. She regretted it, but she needed it; just like she needed Brenda.

"Captain Raydor?" She heard a boys voice call out, causing her to jump.

"Jesus!" She exclaimed, nearly dropping her cigarette. Her eyes opened and saw Gav standing in front of her.

"Not quiet," he said with a chuckle. "You smoke?"

She looked down at the cigarette in fingers. "Solemnly," she answered, knowing it was pointless denying it. She was caught red handed. She reached down to put out the cigarette.

"You don't have to do that. I'm not going to tell anyone," he told her. "Unless you let me take a drag." Her eyes went wide. "Jezze, Captain, I'm just kidding. Ligthen up. Finish it, I wanted to talk to you anyway." He leaned against the car beside her.

"What about?" She asked, taking another hit.

"Uh," he said, suddenly nervous. Her head tilted completely upright. "I..I…" he stammered.

"It's okay," she said, her voice now worried. "You can tell me, whatever it is."

He looked up to her, fear in his eyes. Not the fear as one would have of dying or having committed a crime, but fear of words and what would come of them.

"How… When did you know that you were attracted to women?" He asked, clearly nervous by doing so. His head was tucked down, like a dog tucking its tail.

"I'm sorry?" She diverted the answer. "I'm not," she lied. She took another hit off her cigarette, trying to play it cool. She blew the smoke from her nose, and flicked her cigarette.

"Oh, please, everyone here knows you and Mrs. Johnson are fooling around," he told her. She coughed what smoke was left in her lungs, and covered her mouth with the back of her hand.

"What?" she coughed, trying to breath correctly. "There is nothing going on between Mrs. Johnson and I," she said with the tone she had when she was trying to convince someone of a lie.

"You've got to be kidding, you two having been fucking each other with your eyes the whole week. If you aren't together, you two should stop lying to yourselves and do the world a favor and screw already."

Her mouth dropped open. Not only did his words surprise her, but the fact that he had seen it. If he seen it, they all had. Her love for Brenda was no longer a secret, nor Brenda's for her.

"Why are you asking me this?" She wondered, feeling slightly uneasy.

"I just want to know."

Sharon opened her jaw slightly, pushing it to the right. She sensed why he was asking, and nodded.

"You like a boy?" She asked, getting a horrified look from him. His eyes were wide, and wouldn't look at her. "It's fine if you do," trying to reassure him.

"It's not fine, my dad would kill me if he found out," he argued.

"I don't think it would be that extreme," she said with an arched eyebrow.

"Oh, no, I think it isn't. His brother is gay, and the whole family disowned him. How do you think he'd react to his own son?"

"Are you sure you are gay?" She asked.

"I don't know. I mean, I am really attracted to…" He trailed off. She nodded, urging him to continue. Sharon smiled lightly trying to reassure him, and took another long hit of the cigarette as he spoke. "To the idea of it." He shook his head. "And it scares me."

She did a ghost inhale, and let it out as she spoke. "I was scared too, for a long time. Even when I was in that type of relationship, I still never gave myself fully to woman. Not until…"

"-With Mrs. Johnson," he finished. She nodded. "How long was that?"

"30 years." Her mind wondered, questioning why she was telling him this.

"It took you 30 years?" His tone was that of awe.

She nodded. "Yea. And only my kids know that I am bi, they have known their whole because I felt I had to be honest with them. But I never told my family."

"Why not?"

"Same reason you are, too scared to. I am scared of their reaction," she admitted. She shook her head, trying not to think about it to hard. "My sister doesn't even know." She took a deep breath.

"So what do I do?"

"I think you should follow your heart," she told him. "And doing that doesn't mean coming out of the closet right away, or at even all maybe. As long as you are happy with who you are and who you are with, that's what matters." She flicked the butt of her cigarette again.

"But I still don't know if anything is going to happen," he said with a huff.

"Why's that?"

"Because I don't even know if the guy I like, likes guys. What if I asked him out, he turned me down, and then everyone found out? I couldn't take that."

"Is the boy someone that would tell everyone?"

"I don't think so," he said, with a frown. "But what if he is?"

"Then he isn't worth your time anyway." She took one last hit off her cigarette before putting it out. "Mind telling me who it is?"

She put the cigarette in a small container inside her purse, and sprayed a small amount of perfume on her so they wouldn't smell the smoke. She took a small mint from her bag, and ate it quickly.

"It's uh… It's uh, Rusty." His voice waver, and he looked at her. She just smiled, and rubbed her hands together to warm them.

"You should tell him. I think he will surprise you."

"You think?"

She gave a half smirk. "I do." He blushed, though it was hard to tell though the red that covered his cheeks. "Let's get back inside. It's freezing." She brought her hands to her mouth to warm them, blowing the warm air from her lungs between her palms.

They quickly walked back inside, getting curious glances from the table. They sat back in seats. Sharon placed her clutch bag in her lap, and glanced over to Brenda.

"What took you guys so long?" Brenda asked.

"Gav and I were talking," she answered simply.

"Your face is red," Brenda said, pointing out Sharon's now rosy nose and cheeks.

"Well, it is cold outside," she replied with a soft chuckle. She reached down to Brenda's lap were her hand was resting, and wrapped her fingers gently into the other woman's palm. "That can help warm me," she said. No whisper or secrecy intended.

Brenda bit her lip, glad to see Sharon's sudden bluntness of her affection. It also worried her slightly. Why all of a sudden was she was open when she had tried so hard to keep it a secret this week? What exactly did her and Gav talk about?

*.*.*.*

The group was now back home, tired from the long show that only three of them understood what was being said as the show was in French. Sharon, Gav, and Judith had whisper commentary to the others throughout the whole show. Sharon had given up trying to keep up with a line by line translation, and gave a brief one song by song.

Now they were sitting in the family room, still dressed to the nines. They were discussing the show, Sharon explained to them the plot. Finally, after the unth time explaining the rest understood, excluding Joe.

Sharon sighed giving up the battle. She looked down at her watch, seeing it was well past midnight. She let out a small yawn, and looked to Brenda.

"I'm heading off to bed," she said, patting the blonde leg gently.

Since Gav had told her that they were aware of Brenda and Sharon's relationship, she hadn't cared the rest of the night. She even openly kissed Brenda outside of the Met while waiting for the show. It was a small peck, but it still got a gasp from Brenda, and glares from various members of the line. Though none of the student's gave either of them a second glance as though they had been seeing them doing it all week.

"I'm coming with," Brenda agreed, retiring in at this late time. "Y'all should too, soon," she advised the lot, though did not pressure them into a bedtime. She got up, holding out her hand for Sharon.

"Probably," Leo said, yawing himself. "Why'd you have to yawn?"

"I'm sorry?" She asked, not really feeling bad. She laughed slightly. "But do try to go to bed soon, so you can sleep on the ride home." She stood, taking Brenda's hand.

Brenda led them to the room, silently. She closed the door, and moved over to her side of the bed. She grabbed her camera.

"Sharon come here," she said.

"Why?"

"Why? Why? Can't you just come here?" she said somewhat annoyed. Sharon huffed, and crossed over to Brenda's side of the bed.

"Yes?"

"I was thinking about earlier," she began. "About my souvenir."

"What about it? I told you I am getting you one. I just have to pick it up tomorrow."

"No, I know. I know." She moved closer to Sharon. "But I mean something else. Something I get to choose."

"And what's that?" Sharon asked, with a lifted eyebrow.

"I want a picture," she said, taking in consideration of what Piper had said about the picture earlier.

"Really of what?" She couldn't help but asked out of confusion. Brenda turned on Sharon's camera.

"Of you, and of me," she answered.

"We have one though?" Sharon said out of confusion.

"Not like this," Brenda pointed out.

"Like wha-" Sharon said, but was caught off guard as Brenda scoped her in closer and crushed their lips together. She could see a bright flash from the corner of her eye. She pulled back, and smiled. Sharon smiled back to her. "Mind if I see?"

Brenda held up the camera, showing her the picture. The picture was off center and barely showed the two, as they were in the corner.

"Let's take another," Sharon offered. She shifted herself in Brenda's arms, making it somehow lighter. She placed her hand under Brenda's jaw, the other on her shoulder. She moved in close, placing her lips on her lover tenderly. She hummed against Brenda's lips, getting a small moan from her. Another flash of light made her vision go slightly pink, and she held the kiss a few seconds longer.

"Hm," Sharon hummed again softly. "Did that one do?" She asked, lifted Brenda's hand to look at the camera. This time the picture was perfect. They were in the exact center of picture, with happy content looks. She smirked, content with the picture.

"When you get home, can you send a copy my way?" Brenda asked.

Sharon nodded with a smirk in agreement, walking back to her side, by the wardrobe and dresser. She took her hair down, placing the bobypins holding it up on the dresser. She heard Brenda taking off her dress.

"Sharon, can you put this back in the wardrobe?" She asked, tossing her dress on the bed. Sharon sighed, dragging the garment from the bed. She opened the wardrobe, placed it on a hanger, and hung it inside. She then reached over to her right side, and pulled the zipper to her dress down. She let it pool around her feet, unhooking her bra before reaching down for the discarded dress. She threw her bra on top of the low dresser, and hung her dress inside the wardrobes next to Brenda's. She saw a bright flash, and looked over to Brenda.

"What the hell?" Sharon asked, seeing Brenda holding the camera up to Sharon. Brenda was now sitting on the bed, propped against the headboard. Her legs were folded in front of her, her eyes smiled to Sharon.

"Taking pictures," Brenda stated simply, taking another shot of Sharon.

"Yes, I see that, but I am half naked," she pointed out.

"All the more reason to take picture," she said. Sharon moved over to Brenda, crawling over the bed. Brenda took another picture. Sharon reached over, attempting to grab the camera, but failed. She then sat up, at Brenda's feet. She smiled to Brenda who held up the camera again. She placed her hands on her legs, and she lifted her eyebrow and licked her lips slightly.

"Give me the camera," Sharon said, looking at the woman. She didn't extend her arm for it. She gave a smirked, pulling her lip to the right. Brenda took another picture, the flash once again catching Sharon off guard but blinding her this time. "Oh, you little-" she muttered.

Sharon propped herself on her knee's, and gripped Brenda's ankles. In a harsh pull, Sharon brought Brenda down; pulling her from a sitting position into a lying one. A gasp from Brenda occurred in the process. Sharon lifted her legs, and straddled Brenda's hips. She leaned down, taking the camera from Brenda.

"I'm a cop, if someone found these I could lose my job," she told her.

"So, delete them," Brenda said, almost sarcastically. Sharon glared at her over the camera, which she then lifted and took a shot of Brenda on it. "Okay, not far," Brenda said, covering her hurting eyes that now couldn't see anything from the flash.

"How is it not far? You did it to me?" She tested.

"If you are going to take one, at least let me pose," Brenda replied, looking back up to Sharon. Sharon lifted her right eyebrow, challenge her. Brenda pushed herself up slightly pulled her hair down, letting curls fall. She laid back down, the curls fanned out on the pillow. She brought lifted her hand up, and tussled her blonde locks. She rested her arm above her head, and tilted her head into her arm slightly. She bit her lip, and Sharon rubbed her lips together. Sharon lifted the camera, and took another picture of Brenda. Brenda took the camera from her. "Now your turn."

"You know I am just going to delete it, right?" Sharon pointed out.

"I know, but I still want to take one."

Sharon smiled lightly, crawling off Brenda to her side of the bed. Brenda sat up again, and turned face Sharon. Sharon laid on her side turning towards Brenda, draped her left leg over her right lightly. She rested down into the bed, her right arm rested under her head and her left on her ribs. She smiled at Brenda lightly, not really giving Sharon a seductive pose but a simple one. Brenda wouldn't have preferred it any other way, as she like seeing Sharon relaxed like this. The flash filled the room as Brenda took the picture.

Sharon reached out, dragging her hand along Brenda's rib. Brenda shuddered, and let the camera fall between.

"We should go to sleep," Sharon told her. Brenda nodded, knowing they needed it.

She placed the camera on the nightstand beside her, then turned back around to Sharon who was turning off the light. She searched for the womans lengthy fingers, entwining them together. She brought Sharon's fingers to her mouth and kissed them softly.

"Goodnight," Brenda told her. Sharon moved closer to Brenda, enjoying her warmth.

"Night," Sharon responded, then let out another yawn.

*.*.*.*

Brenda set the camera, which she had been recording her confession on, on the nightstand beside her side of the bed, not realizing she hadn't shut it off and it was still recording. She crawled over the bed and pulled herself over Sharon's frame, hovering over her without making contact to the skin underneath. Her hands sought out the woman's flesh, needing it. Feeling nothing but freedom doing so; finally not feeling any restriction doing so.

Sharon, still asleep, let out a soft garbled moan. Her eyes stayed closed, indicating to Brenda that she was still very much asleep. Brenda bent down, placing open mouth kisses on one of Sharon's weak spots, which was the bottom curve of her right breast. She heard a gasp, and felt Sharon's body move underneath her. She placed another kiss there, and nibbled slightly at the skin, eliciting a moan from Sharon. Sharon's hands sought out Brenda's hair, knotting her finger into the blonde strands. Brenda's hands moved up, palming both of Sharon's round breast. She switched placed of her hands and mouth, her hands now messaging the meeting point of Sharon's breast and rib, and her mouth tracing over her nipple. This earned a firm tug to Brenda's hair.

Brenda looked up slightly. "Good-mornin'," she told Sharon placing a kiss on Sharon's cleavage as she talked. Sharon shuddered, and pulled Brenda's hair to force her to look at her. Sharon shifted her wait, flipping them over onto Brenda's side of the bed.

"Morning," Sharon said confidently.

She gripped Brenda's wrist, forcing them above her head. Sharon kissed Brenda hungrily, making Brenda roll into Sharon's body. The feel of Sharon between her spread legs with the only thing keeping her center pressed against Sharon's stomach was her underwear was unbearable. She rolled her hips, pleasuring herself along Sharon's abdomen.

Sharon pulled away, flipped her hair over to her right shoulder, then let go of Brenda's left wrist. Her hand ventured down Brenda's body, and under her panties. She pushed her fingers deep into Brenda without warning. Brenda's hand flew around Sharon's body, clutching to her skin, and she pushed her face into Sharon's shoulder to muffle her moan. In doing so, Brenda bit Sharon, surely leaving a mark.

Sharon smiled wickedly, and repeated the motions until Brenda was sent reeling through a field of ecstasy. Brenda tried so hard to be quiet as she screamed Sharon's name against her skin. Her body was lifted at a 45 degree angle, as it usually did when she was close. Sharon knew in the within the moment she would make her love come, and that is exactly what she did. In the next thrust, Sharon ran her palm against the blonde.

"Sharon!" Brenda yelled, tipping her head back as she came hard on Sharon's hand. Her fingers dug deep into Sharon's skin, leaving red drops by the red welts.

Sharon let her ride it out, then pulled fingers out of her. Brenda collapsed back down on the mattress, breathing heavily. She looked up to Sharon.

"God, I love you," Brenda said, with a satisfied but weak smile.

Sharon smiled back. Running her hand clean hand on Brenda's cheek, and resting the other on Brenda's hip.

"I know. I love you too," Sharon finally said, finding it the right time to do so. Though she hoped she hadn't just set herself up for more hurt. She pushed the thought aside, and smiled. "I love you so so much. I don't think I could live without you."

Brenda's eyes beamed bright, and she leaned upwards for a kiss. A kiss that Sharon gladly accepted. She now felt relief in the fact, having finally told Brenda her feelings. She pulled back, and caressed Brenda's shoulder with butterfly kisses. She laid herself down beside her, wrapping her arms around her tightly.

"I hope no one heard you," she said, completely unaware what time it was.

"I don't think so, they aren't upstairs. I heard them go downstairs about an hour ago," Brenda said.

"What time is it?"

"Uh, close to ten, I think."

"Shit," Sharon mumbled, getting out of the bed. She scrambled over to her phone. She picked it up, and dialed a number. "Hello. This is Sharon Raydor, I purchased a customized piece from you yesterday." There was a pause. "Yes, that is correct." Brenda got of bed, and began dressing for the day. Sharon watched her carefully. "I know it is ready, thank you. I won't be able to make it down before the store closes today, because I woke up late. I was wondering if I could have it shipped to my home in Los Angeles because I heading back today."

Brenda walked over to Sharon. She kissed her gently. "I'll meet you downstairs," Brenda told her. Sharon nodded, smirking lightly.

"You can that's great!" Sharon exclaimed as Brenda excited.

Brenda walked down to the dinning room, were the students were all sitting in a circle playing an unknown game. Two were sitting directly in front of each other, on top of the table. The two being Piper and Terri.

"Go," Terri said.

"Hop," Piper said, more of a question though.

Rusty hesitated ever so slightly. "Into," was added.

"jeans," she went back without hesitation. Rusty now hesitated for a long time.

"Ah," the group called out. Terri sighed, and pulled herself off the table.

Rusty looked over and saw Brenda standing with confusion.

"I think we should let Mrs. Johnson go next," he offered, getting chuckles from the room.

"Go next for what. I don't know what y'all are doin'," she said, trying to avoid whatever it was.

"It's the alphabet game," Gav began to explain.

"Each person goes back and forth making a sentence. But they can only say one word, then it goes to the next till they hit Z. If you hesitate to long, you lose, or if the word doesn't work with sentence" Judith explained. "You can have one sentence. But you have to finish the sentence before going to the next."

"Come on, Brenda. 'Fraid of a challenge?" Piper asked in a joking manner. Brenda squinted her eyes, then walked over to the table. She sat on top of it.

Gav pulled out a coin. "Cause Piper won last, she calls it. Head's or tails?" He asked.

"Tails," Piper said. He flipped the coin, and it landed on tails.

"Go," he said, starting the game.

"A," Piper said.

"Bunny," Brenda instantly replied.

"Called."

"Declaration."

"Eventually."

"Forward."

"Growing."

"Honor," Brenda said with ease.

"In."

"Justice?" Brenda said, now questioning the logic of the sentence.

"Kevin."

"Liked."

"Maple?" Piper now said, finding difficulty.

Sharon stepped into the dinning room, and raised her eyebrow. She leaned against the door frame, watching in amusement.

"Not," Brenda added.

"Other."

"Pancakes."

"Quit."

"Reading."

"Stop."

"Talking."

Piper opened her mouth, trying to think of V. But her mind escaped her, and her pause was to long. Another lot of laughter roared through the room.

"Finally!" Rusty called out. "She finally lost!"

"You've never lost?" Brenda asked. Piper shook her head.

"Nope," Piper admitted, sinking off the table. "Hey Captain, why don't you and Mrs. Johnson give it a try."

"Oh no," Sharon said. "I don't think so."

"Why not?" Joe called out.

"Because I don't feel like it," Sharon sought as valid reason.

"Come on, Sharon; it's actually pretty fun," Brenda said. Sharon glared at Brenda over her glasses, and stepped closer.

"Fine, but I'm not sitting on the table."

"Okay," Brenda said with a content smile. She got off the table, and moved over to by the door frame where Sharon was standing.

"Call it, Brenda," Gav said, flipping the coin.

"Heads," Brenda said.

"It's Heads. Brenda you start."

"About," Brenda began.

"Being," Sharon added, not knowing the direction of the sentence.

"Careful."

"Don't."

"Escape."

"Fulfillment," Sharon added with a smile.

"Get."

"Happiness."

"In."

"Just."

"Kindly."

"Loving."

Brenda smirked lightly at Sharon's word, still hearing it fresh in her mind. Not only were they able to quickly feed off of each other, but their sentences flowed somewhat better and made sense.

"Maybe." Brenda said, without to much of a beat in between.

"Never."

"Openin'."

"Possibilities."

"Quit."

"Reasoning."

"Start."

"Trust."

"Understandin'."

"Validity."

"With."

"You." Brenda laughed slightly. "What?" She said, in her most Raydor like voice.

"You skipped X," Brenda pointed out. Sharon thought for a moment, and realized that she had. She also realized that meant she lost. "I win."

There was no cheering this time, just small grins around the table. Sharon cleared her throat.

"We should start packing up," Sharon said, looking down from Brenda. "We have to leave by 3, and I want to make sure everyone doesn't leave anything behind."

They nodded, and started making their way back to their rooms. Sharon felt a tug on her arm, and turned around seeing Rusty lagging behind. She stopped walking, and looked at him.

"What is it?" Sharon wondered.

"I just wanted to tell you that I do," he said.

"You do, what?" She said, not understanding the context but hoping her guess was right.

"I do want you to try and adopt me," he told her. A small smile appeared on her face and her eyes water slightly. "I know that I don't fit exactly into your family, I knew that being around Drystan. But I want a home, and I want a mother."

Sharon blinked, pushing back tears of joy that threatened their way out. She nodded, tensing her cheek muscles into a refrained smile.

"Okay," she said. She pulled Rusty into a tight hug, feeling nothing but happiness. She was with the woman she loved more than anything, and now Rusty had agreed to let her attempt to adopt him. Truthfully, she was on Cloud 9.

This place, this home that she had spent so much time fearing and hating, was now the home of dear and treasured memories to replace the haunting ones. She had confessed her love to a woman she wanted more than anything, and had the woman return her love. She would now be the mother of Rusty. She was on the way to becoming a Grandmother. She felt all stress gone from her shoulders, for once in a long long time.

She pulled away from Rusty, brushing his shoulder lightly with her hand to press out the wrinkles she just made. "Okay," she repeated, stepping away from him. "Tomorrow I will contact Cynthia, and see about setting this all up. And if you have any questions, or concerns, I want you to tell me right away. Don't be afraid to ask."

He nodded. "'Kay," he stated. "I should, uh, I should start packing."

"Hm," she said, nodding in agreement. They walked up the stairs together. Rusty disappearing into the boys room, as she made her way to hers.

When she entered the room, Brenda had carelessly thrown her things back into the suitcase and was now sitting on top of it trying to shut it. Sharon lifted her eyebrow, not surprised that Brenda would pack in such a manor.

"Need help?" Sharon asked, walking over to Brenda. Brenda's head snapped around to look at Sharon, blond curls flying around as she turned.

"Please," Brenda pleaded. Sharon walked over to Brenda.

"Shoot over some," Sharon advised, and Brenda obliged. Sharon sat next to Brenda on the suitcase, and grabbed a hold of the zipper. With great effort she pulled the zipper half way done, letting Brenda take over the rest. "You know, this would have been a lot easier had you just refolded your clothes?"

"To much work," Brenda said, with a distasteful look on her face. She stood and walked over to her side of the bed. She picked up the camera, tried to turn it on to double check that her video was still on it, but it did not turn on. "I think your camera died," she told Sharon.

Sharon looked over from her dresser, where she was neatly folding her clothing again.

"That's odd, it had half a battery last night," Sharon said, walking over to Brenda.

"Well, it's not turning on now."

Sharon took the camera from Brenda. "Shit, looks like I will have to delete those pictures after I get home."

*.*.*.*

Sharon sat in front of the terminal gate, waiting for their plane to start boarding. She rolled her neck, already exhausted of waiting to get home. A part of here didn't want to go home, wanted to stay here with Brenda and all of the kids that had grown on her the past week. She knew she couldn't though, she knew she had to go back to reality.

"Ma'am?" She heard a stranger say as he stepped in front of her. He stood at about 6 foot, with light sand brown hair, dark drown eyes, and was no older that 24. His stature was slumped, and tired. But his eyes seemed to go from tired, to happy when she met them with hers.

"Yes?" She wondered. The man smiled lightly, an unsettling cold smile. She shifted uneasily.

"I believe this belongs to you," he said, extending out Sharon camera to her.

"No, mine is right here," she said, lifting her purse in search of it, but found that it wasn't there.

"No, Ma'am, this is yours. You left it at security in the basket. I wouldn't had known it was your if I hadn't looked through it."

Sharon's mouth instantly went dry, and she glanced over to Sharon who sat opposite of her in the chairs. She glimpsed back at the man.

"You saw the pictures on it?" She asked, swallowing harshly.

"Yes, and I must say you should keep a better eye on leaving those types of things lying around," he told her.

"I'll keep that in mind," she said. She reached out or her black camera, and their fingers touched ever so slightly. His fingers were like ice, and felt dead. She quickly recovered her camera and put it back into her purse. Embarrassment washed over her. "Thank you."

He smiled again. "Welcome. If we hadn't been taking the same flight out, I don't think I would have caught you."

"Well, thank goodness for that," she said almost sourly. He took a step closer to her crossed legs, brushing the fabric of his pants against her leg. His eyes elevated over her body. She pulled away.

"Brenda, Honey, I think I want some coffee. Do you want some?" She asked, trying to get away from the man.

"I would, Joe, why don't you go with Sharon to get some coffee," Brenda suggested; hoping that Joe's tall and athletic domineer would help Sharon rid of the man. Joe nodded, and stood, clearly towering over the man.

"Come on, Captain," he said, grabbing her hand helping her out of her seat.

"Thank you," Sharon said as they walked away from the group.

"No problem, that guy was giving me the creeps," he informed her.

"Me too."

She crossed her arms over her stomach uncomfortably, feeling insecure about herself. She shook her head trying hard to clear the thought from it. She wanted to have a clear mind for her flight back home.

A/N: So, I was debating whether or not to add the femslash in this chapter or take it out, but I was told by a friend never to take femslash out, so I left it in for her. I know there is smut in just about every chapter, and I am trying to add a chapter without it (cause their relationship isn't strictly a sexual one), but because of all the ideas I have, it's hard to find one without some form of smut. And I know this was a bit jumpy and didn't flow as good as I wanted, but it's 21 pages so I couldn't add other scenes I wanted. Oh well. The next chapter will be shorter.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Charlie looked over to her Uncle Fritz, knowing something was wrong. Her aunt would be home soon, and she couldn't help but feel tension building. She wondered if she wanted to stay for dinner, like she had been offered.

"Uncle Fritz, are you okay?" She asked him, worried. He looked across from the couch to her, his gaze was glossy.

"I'm fine," he lied.

"You sure, you don't look okay." She said referring to the dark circles under his eyes and his appearance that was less than normal.

"Yea, just worried."

"What do you mean?" Charlie wondered.

"Your Aunt has been acting differently ever since she started hang out with Captain Raydor," he told her. "I think…" he trailed off.

"What?" Charlie pressed.

"I think she may be having an affair, and she is using Captain Raydor as a cover story so she can get away with it," he told her. Charlie swallowed harshly.

"You really think Aunt Brenda would do that?"

He shrugged, lazily. "We are all capable of doing things we never thought we could," he admitted.

Charlie turned back around. So, she hadn't been the only one to think Brenda was stepping out on her uncle, but she didn't dare say to him that she thought it was with Sharon. She would talk to Rusty, see if he knew anything first before confronting her Aunt again.

"I think you're losing it, Uncle Fritz," she said.

There was a pause as the door clicked. Neither had heard the car pull up, but it was clear that Brenda was home. Brenda opened the door, with her sun hat and sunglasses on and her luggage in hand. She beamed with radiance and glee. Her smile was wide, grinning at the memories of this week. Her eyes landed on Fritz, instantly making her smile drop. She could tell he was drunk, and drunk around Charlie. She walked over to Charlie, dropping her luggage by the door carelessly.

"Charlie, you're here early?" Brenda asked walking up to her giving her a small hug.

"Yea, class wasn't held today, our professor was sick. And you're late?"

"We stopped for ice cream," she explained. "Sharon knows the best place in town for it. It was truly the best ice cream I've ever had. The store even knew her by name."

Fritz scoffed, and walked over to the kitchen. "Why doesn't that surprise me?" He said with a low growl. She frowned lightly but shrugged it off.

"What's for dinner?" She asked.

"I am making meatloaf," Charlie said, standing. "I should probably go check on it." She walked out of the living room and into the kitchen.

"How was your trip?" He asked, half looking at her.

She sat on the couch. "It was good. I had plenty of thinkin' time."

"You did?" He asked, and was answered with a nod. "I did too."

"And?" She wondered.

"I don't think this is the right time to discuss this," he said, glancing at the kitchen. She bit the inside of her lip.

"Fine, then can we talk about how you are drinkin' with my niece here?" She asked. "You want my whole family to know?"

His face fell, and jaw clenched. "I haven't been drinking," he fought.

"Really, Fritzy?" She pondered, and shook her head. "So, you've decided." She stood, and began making her way to the kitchen.

"Decided?"

"No, it's fine. I understand. I've decided too," she said, turning back to him.

"Decided what? What have I decided, and what have you?" He wondered, genuinely not understanding.

"You've decided alcohol over our marriage," she told him. He walked closer.

"That is not what I decided!" He yelled at her, stepping over to her until he was towering her.

"No, what you want is me and the booze, but you can't have both," she yelled back, her accent heavier as she did.

"You don't get to decide that," he warned her.

"Yes I do," she fought back. Her hands were shaking and balled into a fist. Her eyes were wide, trying not to show fear.

"Uh, Aunt Brenda?" They heard Charlie's voice, and their heads shot to the direction of the kitchen door. Brenda stepped away from Fritz.

"We'll finish this conversation later," Fritz said. "What do you want?" He asked Charlie rudely.

"Dinner is, uh," she stumbled. She was scared. She had seen this kind of anger before, when he found out Charlie had drugged Brenda. But this anger was also different; it wasn't in fear of intoxicating himself, it was that he already had. "Dinner's done," she got out.

*.*.*.*.*

Rusty walked out of the school gates, seeing a blue Ford Escort Charlie told him she would be driving. He lied to Sharon, telling her he was staying late at school to make up a test when really he and Charlie had agreed to meet up after a scared call from Charlie at midnight last night. He rushed over to Charlie's car, and got inside. She drove to a McDonald's down the road near the school campus, and offered to buy him lunch.

"What did you want to talk about?" He asked, taking a bit of his fries. "You sounded really worried on the phone last night."

"I was… It's a long story," she began.

"So, start."

"Okay, but... Do you know if Captain Raydor and my Aunt Brenda are… are having an affair?" She struggled to get out.

He looked up at her, surprised. He swallowed his food, and took a drink of his Dr. Pepper.

"Why do you want to know?"

"I thought they may have been having one when we went shopping, 'cause of the way they acted. But Uncle Fritz told me yesterday that he thought she was 'cause she was spending so much time with Captain Raydor. I pushed it off thinking she not a lesbian, and I didn't think she would cheat on him."

"And now?"

"After seeing their relationship now, I can't blame her. I'm worried for her."

"Worried? Why?" He took another drink of his soda.

"Uncle Fritz is drinking again. I thought he was when I stopped by the other day, and then were arguing about it last night. I've never seen him so upset. I didn't want to leave her alone with him." Rusty shifted his jaw, knowing that uneasy feeling. "If she is having an affair with Captain Raydor, or, hell, with anyone, I don't think it's going to turn out good. I'm not sure he would go there, but with drinks in him…" she trailed off.

He sighed. "Obviously you can't tell anyone, but they are together. And you can tell just by being around them that they just want to be together. That's all they want. They're in love. But I don't think that's our place to tell Sharon about Agent Howard. If your Aunt wanted her to know, she would have told her."

"But what if something happens because we didn't say anything, can you live with that?" She asked him, with seriousness coating her voice. She pushed her hair behind her ear. "Look, if they love each other they will understand we are doing this for her-"

"But what if Sharon gets upset and confronts Agent Howard?" Rusty continued. "Who is to say that'd be any better?"

Charlie slumped into the chair, understanding his view. "So, either way it's not good."

"Pretty much," he said, shrugging.

"What do we do? We can't just sit back and do nothing."

He took a bit of his French fry. "Their adults and they all got themselves in this mess. They need to figure it out. If we step in, it's only going to cause more chaos and you know it."

She tipped her head back. She did know it, but she couldn't sit idle by. "Maybe Captain Raydor already knows?" Charlie suggested.

"Oh no, she wouldn't have it," Rusty explained. "She'd shoot him in the head, or come damn close."

She rolled her neck, looking down at her food not hungry. "If something happens though?"

"How about this, if you see anything like it again or if it gets worse then we'll tell her. Okay?" He compromised.

"Fine," Charlie accepted, though she still felt its pressure in the pit of her stomach.

*.*.*.*

Fritz sat in the cramped van, shifting to look closer at the camera. He sighed, knowing what he had seen wasn't what he thought it was.

"Hungry?" Sharon asked him. This state out had been going on for nearly five hours, and they had seen nothing.

Sharon and Fritz were in the surveillance van, Sanchez and Skyes where about twenty feet in front of them, and Provenza and Flynn where on the other side of the building. They stating out an escort house waiting to see if their suspect would show up (though they knew he eventually would and they'd be able to finally corner him). They didn't even have a clear description of him, just a vague description that could fit hundreds of people.

They had been looking for this guy for two days, and had yet to see him. He had killed two people, one young girl of the senator and the other was a blonde hooker. The only thing that had connected the two were the ballistics'. They hadn't even talked to the girls from the agency knowing they'd wouldn't be willing to work with them because the proof tying him to the murder was barely any at all, so they figured it was best to try this way first.

"I am, yea," he said. Sharon reached down into her bag and pulled out two granola bar.

"Sorry, it's all I have," she told him, half smiling. He smiled and took it.

"It's better than nothing," he reminded her. He was feeling terrible, having not taken a drink since before their stake out. He hoped it was over soon before he had to dig out the small bottle he had in his pant pocket he kept on him for instances like this, though he could feel the alcohol still in his system, he also felt the withdraw starting. He turned off his ear piece and mic. "Uh, Captain Raydor, you and Brenda are friends, right?"

"Um, yea?" She answered, feeling nervous as to where this was going. She turned off hers, so no one could hear.

He rubbed his face, not really wanting to ask the pending question. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer. "Do… Do you, uh, know if she is… seeing someone?"

She sat up straight, crossed her legs, and folded her hands on her knees. "Like having an affair?" She did her best to keep her voice from wavering.

"Yea."

She swallowed harshly. "No, she hasn't told me anything. I don't think she would tell me something like that," she lied. He sighed, defeated.

"Do you think she is?"

Her hands clenched, trying not to walk out of the van and away from this conversation. She squinted her eyes slightly, trying to convince him.

"Why do you ask?" She diverted the question.

He rested his elbows on his knees, showing her the hurt in him. "She's not the same. Hasn't been since she left Major Crimes. But after about of month at the DA's everything changed; she worked late, started disappearing during her lunches-"

"What do you mean disappearing?"

"-her co-workers would say she went out to lunch with you, but when I would ask her how lunch was she said she didn't eat anything, or that she never left work." His face was burdened, and conflicted. She now saw the impact of her choices. It was never her intention to hurt the man in front of her, though he wasn't her favorite person he didn't deserve what Brenda and her were doing to him.

"Go on," she said, needing to hear the rest of his thoughts.

"When she's home she's not happy. We don't make love anymore, it's just rough harsh sex. A part of her isn't there, it's with whoever she is having the affair with."

Sharon's face fell, and she tried not to cry. Her hands trembled. Brenda had lied to her, broken a promise. "I was under the impression you two weren't sleeping together anymore?" she murmured.

"What would make you think that?" Fritz wondered.

"She told she wasn't going to, not after you hurt her," she told him. Her eyes suddenly cold.

"She told that?!" He gasped, in shock. Though he didn't really understand why, Brenda didn't have any girls to talk to other than Sharon.

"Yes, I made her tell me," she confessed.

"I don't mean to hurt her, but I can't help it," he fought. His body was now trembling, and his forehead began to sweat.

"How can you not help it?!" She yelled. A realization hit her. "You don't _mean_ to hurt her, meaning you've hurt her more than once?!"

He pulled back. He would never say it out loud, but he found Sharon very intimidating. With her yelling directly at him didn't suit him well. He didn't know why but he found her oddly attractive today, even more so than most days. He found it hard not to stare at her on most days, stunned by her beauty. But today he couldn't help it. She was almost in a glow. Her hair was in lose curls, not in its usual carefully thought through straightened do. Her shoulders where more relaxed, though that had tighten. again during this conversation. She even had a look of blissful glee on her face until they had begun this conversation, which had turned into sadness and almost broken. She wore a tight purple dress that flattered her every curve, and had a slight plunge at her neckline showing just enough cleavage, that he found himself staring at. He could not deny he wasn't attracted to this woman, no matter how intimating he found her.

He shook his head, his mind running fast. He felt like he was going to be sick or pass out, but the thought of touching her seemed to keep him awake. Thoughts he knew he shouldn't have. Thoughts he forced out of his mind once and hadn't reopened because he loved his wife. His wife was slipping further and further away from him. He knew his drinking wasn't the only reason for her distance either. She loved him, he had no doubt of that, but she wasn't in love with him anymore. She loved her lover. The lover that no one seemed to know about, but he knew was there. He wasn't blind. And that drove him to drink more. It was a mad never ending game.

"I don't mean to, and I am scared I will end up hurting her again," he confessed, feeling weak. His body feeling fragile. Withdraw was being to take over his body. He took a deep breath, and looked over to Sharon. "I don't want to do that. And I think that's why she is cheating on me, because I'm not me anymore." His breathing grew shallow. He couldn't grab his flask, not with her watching him.

Her face changed from anger into fear and acknowledgement. "Oh my god," she muttered. "You're going through withdraw," she stated. She reached out, trying to touch her forehead.

"No!" He fought, trying to use any strength he had. He gripped her wrist, and shoved it away from him.

"Yes, you are! I watched my ex-husband go through it," she fought back, knowing she was right. She stood, bending slightly because of the low roof of the van. She moved over to him, leaned over him. He tilted his head, and pushed past his blurred vision to look down her shirt. "Give it to me," she told him with stern voice.

He lifted his eyebrow, drastically misunderstanding what she meant. He reached up, and cupped her breast. His thoughts clearly not right. She gasped loudly, and pulled back.

"Agent Howard!" She exclaimed. "That is _not_ what I meant?!" She yelled.

He looked up to her, his head feeling like it weigh a thousand pounds. "Then what did you mean?"

"The alcohol that you brought on this mission. You wouldn't have gone on this stake out without something," she told him. She felt exposed, though she wasn't, but the way he had grabbed her made her feel like it.

He arched his eyebrow. "You want it, you'll have to search me for it." His voice was shaking, so was his body. It astounded her that even through this he was hitting on her, but she wondered if maybe that was why he was.

She narrowed her eyes. She couldn't comprise this mission because of him, she wouldn't. Her stomach turned over. She walked back over to him, and reached out to his body. Her hands fell to his side, instantly finding the small bottle in his left pocket. She felt his hands running along her thighs, causing her to swallow harshly. _This is for Brenda_, she told herself. She knew if she took it, maybe she could force him to detox. Force away both his pain and the pain he was bringing Brenda. She knew Brenda loved her enough not to leave her, but she could try to help with the man Brenda loved. Though she couldn't help but feel the irony. She was so hurt by Brenda's lie, yet here she was trying to help her.

His hand moved to her ass, and pushed her forward. Her chest now pushed into his face, and his hands didn't leave her behind. She quickly pulled the small bottle flask out of his pocket as he his hand began kneading her, and forced herself out of his grasp. She wondered if he'd be so keen to touching her if he knew she was his wife's lover. She moved over to the door, opened it, and opened the flask.

"No," she heard Fritz call out as she began pouring out on the pavement below. She felt an arm wrap around her waist, pulling her back into the van. He flipped her around, causing her glasses to fly across the van. He pushed Sharon to the ground, placed both legs at each side of her waist, and forced her arms above her head. The force he held her wrist would for sure leave bruises.

"Does it really mean that much to you?" She tested, though she could see his body did in fact need it. "Take it," she told him.

He let go of her right wrist, and took the flask from her hand. He quickly drank the rest of container. He pulled off of her, and put the flask back into his pocket. She stayed on the ground, to stunned to really move.

"God, you're pathetic," she told him, rolling her head to look at the van wall. "This is how you get your way, isn't it? You just force Brenda into doing what you want. No wonder she is cheating on your sorry ass," she muttered.

"I don't force Brenda into anything. But I guess someone as cold as you wouldn't understand that, would you?" he shot back, taking a seat again. "How could anyone love you?"

The blow was low, and she felt more tears threatening her eyes. She put her by her mouth, and shut her eyes tightly. He was right. How could anyone love her? This woman she loved, and gave everything too had betrayed her. She knew Fritz wasn't lying about the sex, he had no motive to lie about that, at least not that he knew of. Sharon thought that Brenda was now hers, only to be boldly and bluntly reminded that she wasn't. She couldn't help as a small cry poured out of her. How could this woman make her cry so much?

This caught Fritz's attention, and he looked down to her. She had curled into a ball and was crying. This woman he just called cold, was now crying. His heart sunk.

"Captain, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that," he told her. He reached out for her hand, to help her up. She sat up, ignoring his hand.

"You're right though. No one can love me, not the way I want," she told him. "I've tried so hard to be this person, to feel, and I guess that is all I will ever be is the Ice Queen."

"Ice Queens don't cry," he told her. She wiped her tears, and he reached down for her hand.

"Don't touch me," she shot at him. He pulled back. She stood, and shook her head. She opened her mouth, but was cut off by a loud pop.

Quickly recovering herself, she reached down to the counter for her gun. Fritz did the same. They flung open the van doors, and saw Skyes and Sanchez running across the street to the building they were watching. Sharon turned to Fritz.

"You're staying here," she warned him. "I am not about to have a drunk ruin my op," she told him. She turned back on her ear piece and mic.

Without waiting for a response, she ran off. She followed Skyes into the building, trying to locate the direction in which the shots came from. They heard screaming coming from the floor above, and moved up.

"Lt. Flynn, do you see anyone running out?" Sharon asked over her mic.

"I don't see anyone, Captain," he answered.

They rushed into the room and found two women lying on the floor with another woman in the corner covered in blood but still alive. Sharon had Skyes stay in the room and call an ambulance, and they checked the rest of the building for their missing suspect. After coming up dry, they resided back into the main room where the girls were still crying. Skyes had already declared the two as dead, and the another as wounded.

"Damn it," Sharon muttered. "How'd he escape!?" She demanded to know. She had eyes on both exits, and he had still managed to get out. She sighed, and moved over to the injured girl that Skyes was trying to get a story out of, thought it was pointless because the girl was in shock. She was rambling nonsense. Sharon knew that she would have to calm down before even thinking of doing a proper question and answer.

"Get her to the hospital, and stay with her," she ordered Skyes. "Go with them," she said to Sanchez.

She walked back outside, and leaned against the van. Would she not kill for a cigarette right now? She let her head drop back against the metal, creating a soft "dong" like noise. She went to push her glasses up, and realized that she had never picked up her glasses. She clenched her jaw, refraining from tears. She covered her face, trying to contain herself. Her heart felt like it was about to shatter, and she needed to stop all this madness before it did. For so long she had to be strong and not let herself be fragile, and now that she had opened herself up to love and had become soft, she was close to breaking.

"Captain Raydor?" She heard Fritz ask. His voice alone pierced her.

"Agent Howard, please leave me alone," she told him, not looking at him. She was glad that Flynn and Provensza were still inside the building excavating what they could from the crime scene.

"I can't. I need to know if you are going to report me or not. I would to tell Brenda myself before it is actually done, if you are."

She looked up at him, and he could see tears threatening her eyes again.

"You don't need to know anything," she told him. "But-" she diverted her gaze to the right, unable to look at him, "-no I'm not. It… It would hurt Brenda to much," she said.

She let out a small laugh at the irony. She was so worried about breaking the heart of the women who just broke hers. She sighed, and crossed her arms in front of her. How was she going to handle this? How much could she take? It wasn't a matter of why Brenda had done what she did, the why couldn't matter at all, not when Rusty was at risk. She had to make the choice of ending this before she fell apart and risk losing him, or leave.

She didn't want to leave. She did want the why, but knew she couldn't risk it. She couldn't risk a second chance, her heart couldn't take it. What if Fritz found out and she lost any chance of adopting Rusty? But what was worse; losing Brenda, the only person she has ever truly loved, or possibly losing Rusty? All of the worries she had pushed aside and had previously justified, where now the sole things biting her in the ass.

She was angry to the point of shaking, and hurt beyond the point of completely rational thinking. What hurt the most was that Brenda didn't just lie but that she was still having sex with Fritz. She was sharing Brenda. She had put all of trust in Brenda only to be deceived in return. She was kicking herself for that, knowing this reason was why she didn't let people in. She was also upset at herself because she knew she was going to end up hurt in this relationship, that she would be on the losing end, but she didn't think it would hurt this bad or that she would allow it to. Had Brenda really loved her? And if so, it couldn't have been to the extent she had expressed.

"Sharon, are you okay?" Fritz asked her. He could see her struggling with an internal battle as her hands and head were shaking uncontrollably and her eyes were blood red to stop the tears. He couldn't help but wonder if it was what he had done to her by coming on to her, but he knew for a fact that it was also in words he had said. "I really didn't mean that, when I said no one could love you," he tried soothing the wound he created.

"Just stop," she said. She threw her hands up slightly in a warning manor, and walked away.

*.*.*.*

Brenda collapsed on the bed, exhausted from the rough, controlling, almost overbearing sex. Her legs throbbed, and hips now bore welts and were almost surely bleeding from Sharon's nails. She watched as Sharon sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. She pushed her hands through her hair, and let out a shaky sigh.

"I have to get back to work," she told Brenda. She stood and walked over to where her now wrinkled clothes lay on the floor. She bent down to pick them up. Quickly she began dressing. Once she had gotten her underwear and tanktop on, Brenda finally asked the question on her mind.

"What's wrong? Are you upset with me?" Brenda asked, her accent thicker than normal due to concern.

Sharon pulled tossed her hair back and looked down, adjusting the wire of her bra. "Why would you ask that?" she diverted. She had a tendency to do that while avoiding answering.

"You were rough, very rough, which you never are. You won't look at me. You are being…"she drifted her words. "You are shuttin' me out."

"I'm not shutting you out," Sharon lied. She grabbed her slacks from the ground, and pulled them over her legs hastily.

"Then tell me what's wrong?" Brenda pleaded.

Sharon huffed, annoyed, and dropped her hands harshly on her thighs making a clapping sound. She looked over to Brenda. "I need some time, Brenda," she said.

Brenda's face shifted from concern to hurt. "What?" The blonde barely got out.

"I can't do this right now," Sharon said, walking to the other side of the hotel room for her shirt.

"No! Tell me why?!" Brenda demanded, shooting towards the edge of the bed after Sharon.

Sharon sat, debating whether or not she would give Brenda the whole reason. She couldn't. Not without hurting her more than she already was. She nervously fiddled her fingers, and looked over to Brenda. If she was going to lie, she at least needed to be convincing.

"I'm in the process of adopting Rusty, and I already have so many negatives against me. If it came out that you and I are having an affair, I wouldn't get him."

"That bullshit," Brenda said, calling her out. "Rusty already knows about you and I, and they can't not give you that because you have a girlfriend."

"Who's married," Sharon pointed out.

"But I-" Brenda started, but was cut off.

"I've already made my decision," Sharon said, standing.

"That's not all of it," Brenda said quickly so she wasn't cut off again.

Sharon's face gave her away. Brenda could read the older woman like a book, and knew that Sharon was keeping something from her. She knew if she pressed Sharon enough, she would get the truth. She could see Sharon didn't really want to do this.

"I can't do this right now," Sharon said. She crossed over to the dresser, grabbed her black blazer, and threw it on. "I have to go. Please, don't try and contact me. When I think it's safe, I will contact you."

"I love you, Sharon. Please, don't do this," Brenda pleaded. She couldn't help but feel this was more of a break up then just a break. She reached out for Sharon's arm, but Sharon pulled back instantly.

"No!" She exclaimed. She rushed past Brenda, grabbed her purse, then rushed out the door.

Brenda sat naked on the bed filled with nothing but pain and confusion. There was no way that Sharon had done that based souly on the fact of Rusty. She could have lost Rusty at any point and time because of what they were doing, but she still took the risk. Something happened between the time they had talked on the phone last night, and their encounter this evening, something that had hurt Sharon and forced her into this decision. Brenda was bound and determined to find out what that was.

*.*.*.*

Sharon sat in her car for several minutes wondering what her next move would be. It was to early to go home, she had told Rusty the night before that her and Brenda had arranged a date and he would ask to many questions if she went home now. She started her car and began heading to the precinct in hopes that no one would still be there.

As she walked to into the Murder Room she saw a light coming from Lt Flynn's desk. She adjusted her bag on her arm, and hurried her step in hopes of getting to her office before he could stop her. A plan which failed miserably.

"Captain?" He called out, earning a defeated sigh from Sharon. She turned around to face him.

"Yes, Lt. Flynn?" she asked. She cleared her throat, realizing it was still watery.

"I thought you went home?" He walked up, getting closer to her.

"I forgot my wallet in my office," she lied. She shifted the bag on her shoulder, and placed the weight of her body on her right leg.

"Are you okay? You look like you've been crying," he pointed out as she was now directly in front of her. Even in the dim lights he could see it.

"I'm fine," she lied. This time she unable to cover the lie as her voice cracked. She tried pushing past him, but he grabbed her arm turning him back to her. She tried to yank her arm out, but his hand tightened.

"You're not fine," he insisted. He stepped closer to her. "You're crying?" He pointed out, wiping a tear off her eye. She pulled back; she'd enough of touching today. Way too much for her liking. He let go over her arm.

"I had a hard day," she told him, not wanting to go into more details than that. She hated that he saw she was crying. She knew she hadn't cried until Brenda had broken down almost every wall Sharon had built, but even as a child she hated crying in front of people. This was no different. If she was to cry, it would be alone, where no one could see how broken she was.

He nodded slightly. "I am here if you need to talk," he replied without hesitation.

She nodded awkwardly, and headed into her office quickly. She didn't need to talk, she needed to cry. She needed to be alone and detached from the world. She walked shut the blinds to the office after noticing Andy was still looking in on her. She moved over to her desk and let out a shaky breath. She tilted her head, holding back the waterfall that she could feel building.

"I just need to get my mind off this," she whispered lowly to herself. She couldn't break down here, not at the risk of Flynn walking in and seeing her in such a state of disarray. She reached down into her desk and pulled out the file of the report she hadn't finished.

She began filling it out without leaving a blank spot, or line. She had a belief that if you didn't run out of room on your sheet, you were missing something. And that something you missed could cost you the whole case. Plus, it was great to go back and review later before the trail. The more detailed the easier it was to prosecute.

She sighed slightly. She needed to talk to the witness, but she underwent surgery to remove the bullet and the doctors wouldn't let anyone speak to her until the next morning. She hoped that the witness would actually give them something to lead on. The man left no DNA at either crimes scenes and CSU was still looking for any at the Escort house. She needed a faster lead than DNA or prints that could take two days to be found and come back.

After another hour or two passed, she had finished a large majority of the report, and filed it back into her desk. She pulled her hair up into a sloppy ponytail, something she rarely ever did. Her hand hurt from the extensive writing, and she rubbed it gently in hopes to relieve some pressure. She looked at her clock, it was almost one am. Andy had surely left by now.

Tiredly, she made her way back down to her car. Her body had grown use to New York time, and was still getting used to being Los Angeles time. The drive home was silent and quick. Her condo was just as silent when she entered it.

Careful not to wake Rusty, she checked on him before retiring to her room. She normally washed her face, and changed out of her work clothes, carefully putting them in the dirty clothes hamper, and changed into her pajamas, but tonight was not one of those nights. She carelessly stripped her work attire onto the ground beside her bed.

She lay down on her cool bed, not caring she wasn't under the covers. Her arm extended out in search of the pillow on the opposite side of the bed, and, once grabbing it, brought it into her chest. She buried her face into it, letting the tears finally flow.

When the morning came, she found herself dreading the day to come. She just wanted to lie in bed all day without any interruptions. She hadn't even fallen asleep yet, but knew she didn't have a choice but to get up. She pulled herself out of the bed, seeing that her pillow was covered in makeup that had run off her face. She couldn't even imagine what she looked like. She pulled her bath robe over herself and head to the bathroom.

Refusing to look into her bathroom mirror, she turned on the hot water to her shower. She stepped in, knowing the water would burn her skin and that was what she wanted. Her mind raced as she leaned against the white tiles as the hot water hit her face and body.

Going in today would be a chore. She would have to talk to Agent Howard, a task she didn't want at all. She hoped Brenda was happy. She could have her alcoholic husband. She didn't care anymore.

She scoffed, knowing she had clearly just lied to herself. Of course she cared, she cared to much in fact. The thought of Brenda with him made her skin crawl. Him touching her, taking her, it made her sick. It wasn't something she could brush off. Brenda had promised her they had stopped, but they hadn't.

She knew Fritz was cheating on Brenda too. If he had been so easily wheeling to put his job on the line by coming onto Sharon, he sure as hell was doing it other places. She wondered for a few moments on why he had come on to her. He had been so well at hiding his drinking, and once it was outed he felt the need? She didn't understand, unless he had thought of it before. She also understood why he had changed so much from the man she thought she knew, why he hurt Brenda and was scared of doing so again. Addiction always won in the end. Sharon knew Fritz wouldn't have trouble getting sex if he wanted, he was a physically attractive man. She wondered if Brenda knew he was cheating on her; though that was doubtful.

She wanted nothing more to go up to Brenda and apologize, say she didn't mean it, but she couldn't. She couldn't forgive Brenda for that. She needed a break to try to forgive her. She also needed to think of how to tell Brenda that she knew Fritz was an alcoholic, and that he had sexually harassed her. Because even though Sharon was absolutely heart broken, she couldn't hurt Brenda like that. She knew that it would just be a break because she couldn't give up on Brenda. She could never let go of her, not completely. Brenda was her addiction.

She quickly washed herself after noticing her skin had turned bright red, and pulled herself out of the shower. She wrapped herself in the bath robe, and moved back to her bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed; the bed where so many times her and Brenda had made love. It killed Sharon because her sheets still smelt like Brenda. Her smell was another reason she wanted she wanted to crawl back into them. Just her sent was enough for Sharon to lose herself, to pretend nothing had happened.

She heard the alarm across the hall go off; assuring her Rusty would be up soon. She wondered how long it would take for him to realize she was still here, and not on her normal morning run. It'd be pointless to try and avoid him, because he was bound to question it regardless. But she could at least get ready for the day before then.

She didn't bother with her normal heavy makeup, and she pulled all her hair into the bun she only did when she wore her police uniform. It was either put her hair up now, or have to deal with it all day, and she didn't feel like messing with It during the course of this surely long day.

She walked out of her room, in a pair of black slakes and a nice blouse that wouldn't bother her. Her flats were by the front door, meaning she wouldn't put them on till last minute. She hated wearing them to work, always have feeling heels gave her a sterner look with still being femine at the same time. But she didn't want to take the chance of them possibly hurting her today, and with her luck if she did wear them they would end up killing her by the end of the day.

She walked over to the coffee machine, turning on that delicious liquid. She opened the fridge, and let out a small groan. All the contents inside of it needed to be made, a task she wasn't up to. She shut the fridge door, almost slammed it shut, and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl she had placed on the bar. She then rinsed it thoroughly, and grabbed the jar of peanut butter from the cabinet. She grabbed a plate and steak knife, and sat at the table.

Peanut butter always comforted her, and found she ate more of it when life seemed to take a sour turn on her. Without any care or precaution, she cut the first wedge of the apple out.

She heard Rusty's door open, and his footsteps coming down the hall. She carelessly used the apple to scoop the peanut butter from its container.

"You don't seem like the kind of person to eat peanut butter directly from the jar," Rusty said. He moved over to the kitchen and began making his cereal.

"Well, there are a lot of things you don't know about me," she snapped back almost coldly, but defiantly bitchy.

"Damn Sharon, all claws out this morning?" He asked.

She sighed. "Sorry, just tired. I didn't get any sleep."

"I know," he said, and sat down beside her. "I woke up last night when you got home and heard you crying. I kept waking up to check on you, and you still weren't asleep."

She pouted a little. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep you up," she apologized. She felt bad. After trying so hard not to wake him, she had.

"Don't be sorry, I was worried… It was my choice," he told her, not wanting her to feel worse. "I assume you don't want to talk about it?" He knew she wasn't one for talking.

"You assume correct."

"Do you want a hug at least?" He thought he'd offer.

She gave him a weary smile, a small tear filling her eye, and nodded. He stood, and moved over to her. She stood in front of him, and wrapped her arms around the boy, holding him tightly. She'd never given him a hug without her heels on, and hadn't notice how much shorter she was than him. Her head rested on his chest, and he patted her back slightly. It was clear he felt awkward, but he didn't move. When she pulled back she felt a tear roll down her cheek, the tear she had been trying to keep. Quickly, she wiped it away.

He gave her a small reassuring smile, knowing it wouldn't do much, and sat back down. She did the same. She cut into the next wedge of the apple.

"I have to call Cynthia today, see how the paperwork is progressing," she told him in need of a subject change.

"Still no word?"

"No, hence why I am calling. As soon as I find something out I will let you know. I promise."

Sharon made her way through the hospital to the witness's room. She had wakened, causing Sanchez to call her so she could question her. Sharon wondered if not talking to the girls first was the best call. If they had, maybe they could have saved the other two girls lives.

She reached the door, and adjusted her bag on her shoulder before entering. The girl sat in the bed with her cheap over bleached blond hair awry from sleep. She looked broken as her eyes stared out the window. Flynn and Sanchez were by the bedside, waiting for Sharon to arrive.

"Hello, I'm Captain Raydor," she said, walking to over to the woman. The girl looked over to her, her face numb. "I have some questions for you." The girl nodded slightly. Sharon sat in the seat beside the hospital bed. "Is it alright if I record this?"

"Sure," the girls voice barely cracked.

Sharon took out the tape recorder, and pressed record. "Can we start off with your name?" She asked, knowing the girl had refused to give it to the hospital. The girl shook her head. "We need it for the records, and we can get it through you telling us or other means," Sharon informed her trying to sound pleasant as possible, but knew it didn't come out the way she intended. She was hurting and aggravated and knew the tone was in her voice.

"It's Candice Rodgers," the girl gave up.

Sharon forced a small smile, knowing the girl wouldn't freely cooperate unless Sharon was nice. She couldn't blame the girl either. She couldn't imagine the things she had seen or what made her choose the life she had.

"Alright, Candice. Is there any information you can give us to help find who did this?" Sharon asked sweetly.

"I know who did this," Candice told her. Sharon lifted her eyebrow.

"You do?"

"Well, I don't know his name, but he's a regular," she clarified.

"You don't have any records of your clients?" Sanchez wondered.

Candice shook her head. "No, they were all on sugar paper."

Sharon sighed, knowing that meant they were all dissolved in water the minute they had stepped into the building. She really needed a name, and kept coming up without one.

"What did he look like?"

Candice shrugged. "Normal, but he always gave off a creepy feeling. He had light brown hair, dark eyes, pale, tallish."

"Do you know how old he was?"

"Uh," she thought. "I never really thought about it, but on the younger side. I know he worked for the government or something related to it, but I don't remember where. I think it was for a prison nearby. After so long all of their stories get blurred."

"That's alright," Sharon said. She hoped it was a prison nearby because the nearest was the California State Prison. "Is there anything else? Maybe a reason why he would have out lashed on you girls?"

Candice eyes watered up. "He wanted Bree, but she wasn't there."

"So he killed two women?" Sharon thought out loud.

"Bree was his type. He didn't have a type until about a year and a half ago, but he fell in love with a woman he couldn't have. He obsessed with her."

"You don't know her name?" She hoped. Candice shook her head no.

"I know she looked like Bree… He liked older women, dark hair, white …." Sharon shifted slightly, not knowing if this information was good, or if it creeped her out. "I know he was hired to watch the woman for someone he called "The Boss" and "The Boss" wanted her, but he wanted her for himself… Which is why I guess he pretended Bree was her."

"Do you know where Bree is?" Sharon asked, now worried for the woman's safety. Candice shook her head again. "Do you know Bree's full name?"

"Breanna Edman," Candice said. "Do you think she's okay?" She asked now worried.

"I don't know. Lt. Flynn, could you have someone do a safety check on her?" She asked. Andy nodded, and walked out of the room.

"He goes to a bar every Saturday night with his co-workers in Burbank somewhere. I think it's called something like Nightfall, or something related to it."

Sharon nodded, knowing that'd at least help. Tonight was the night he would be there, and if Sharon was his type, she'd play to that advantage.

She then asked Candice how the events at the happened that led up to the shooting, and listened carefully as she explained. Nothing else came from the story than what Candice had already explained, except how the man had escaped. He had escaped through a hidden hatch the house had offered in case of a police appearance. Which only meant it was more area for CSU to search for evidence.

**A/N:** Well that was supposed to be shorter than the last chapter, but that didn't happen. Can you tell I got a little tired at the last paragraph. Yea, sorry about that. And sorry if I repeated myself. I think I did a few times in this chapters. But I hope you enjoyed.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Sharon walked through the hallway, her higher than normal heels clicking with each step. She pulled down the skirt she was wearing, feeling uncomfortable of its length. The red fabric came about four or five inches short of her knee, and exposed much more of her legs then she was used. It clung tightly to her body, and came up past her hips to her waist giving her more of a figure then she thought she had. The top she wore was black, and was a simple black v neck cotton shirt that came to elbows. She decided to wear a belt with it on her waist. Her hair was in curls that she had pulled up out of her face. She also had to fix her makeup, making it slightly darker than she normally wear it. She hadn't gotten dressed up today because of yesterday, and now she had to wear it for the undercover mission she was about to ensue.

Rusty saw her turn into the kitchen, and dropped the orange he had been pealing. She smiled lightly, and pulled the back of the skirt down again.

"You look nice!" He told her.

"Thanks, I feel really uncomfortable though," she said, forcing herself not to mess with the skirt again.

"I can't imagine why," he joked lightly. She smirked.

"The skirt is Detective Sykes. I don't know how this thing doesn't drive her mad." She tussled her hair, and huffed.

"You going out with Brenda tonight?"

She looked at him, then to the ground. "Uh no," she barely got out. She picked up the keys on the bar, and sniffled trying to refrain from tears. Rusty took the hint, now understanding that Brenda was the reason for Sharon crying the night before. "I am going back to work, and I don't know when I'll be back."

"You're going to work dressed like that?"

"Undercover," she explained. "But I really need to go, I'm already late. I don't care what you make for dinner for yourself."

"Alright. Be safe," he told her. She smiled lightly, glad at his concern. She picked up her bag, and threw it on her shoulder.

"I'll try," she told him. She walked out of the condo, and down to her car. She was meeting up with the squad at the club, though not all of them where going to be inside.

The bar that Candice had been talking about was a club with the bar on the second floor and was down at the top of the Burbank area. The night had fallen over Los Angeles, and the rain, that had made Sharon's day even more somber, had finally subsided. She was surprised how silent the streets where for a Saturday night, but found it calming.

Her mind ran back to early in the day, when Brenda had shown up unannounced in the Murder Room. Calling both Fritz's attention, and Sharon's. Sharon had refused to speak with Brenda privately, not wanting to be near her. She was almost thankful that Fritz had suggested lunch.

Brenda had looked just as terrible as Sharon had; no sleep, and not caring of appearance. Something that did not go unnoticed by the others around them. She wondered how Brenda had taken all of, how she had reacted.

She turned down the road, turning more frequently than driving straight until she reached the club/bar. She turned off her engine and saw the van sitting inside the parking lot. She walked over to it and opened the door, finding Provenzia , Tao, and Buzz sitting inside. They all looked at her in awe for a minute or two.

"What?" She finally asked.

"You just look," Provenzia began to say but fell short.

"Different," Buzz finished for him.

"Thank you?" She took it as a compliment. "Anything yet?"

"No, so you're not as late as you think you are," Provenzia added.

*.*.*.*.

Sharon sat in the club at a table by herself. Her drink in hand, that she had been sipping all too slowly in order to not have to order another. She shouldn't have been drinking at all, but in order for the undercover to work she needed to play the part. She looked around the crowed room, wondering if the group she had been looking for had even arrived yet.

A few men walked into the bar area wearing California state corrections hats. They looked somewhat tired and worn out, but it was evident they were excited about being out.

"Hey! If it isn't my favorite boys!" The bartender exclaimed. One of the men reached over the bar and kissed her deeply.

"I think we're in business," Sharon whispered into her mic, before looking up at the crowd again.

She slammed her drink, and moved over to the bar. She flipped her hair out of her face and looked over to the group of men.

"Can I get you something?" The woman behind the bar asked, calling Sharon's attention.

"Yes, another appleteni, please," she said. The bartender nodded and began preparing her drink. Sharon leaned against the bar, partially to call more attention to herself and partially because her feet where already beginning to hurt.

"You seem like a girl to drinks hard liqour, not an appleteni," she heard a man say behind her. She turned and smirked at the man. He was tall, closer to 40 with dark brown hair, and pale skin with stunning blue eyes. He wore a hat just like everyone else in the group.

"I do, but tonight I'm trying to take it light," she told him. It wasn't the man she wanted to talk to, she knew that,, but at least she had broken into the group.

"Why take it light? You have your whole life to do that, live for now," he told her. She lifted her eyebrow, smirked slightly, and nodded. She knew this was a bad idea but she needed to stay In with this group. She turned slightly, looking at the other four men. One of them caught her eye. She knew she had seen him somewhere, but she couldn't place where.

"Hey, Denise, make that appleteni and whiskey straight," he yelled at mother woman behind the counter. Of course he would choose the later.

"You got your in, but are you sure it's the best idea to drink?" She heard Tao ask in her ear piece. A suggestion which she ignored. She hoped that if things got to out of hand the three that were inside the club watching over her would step in. She had trusted that Skyes, Sanchez, or Flynn would conger a way of pulling herself out of a situation before it turned sour.

"Here you are, Miss?"

"Shar-" she found herself saying. "Ri. Shari," she covered. She had been called Shari multiple times growing up, and she hated the name. But it's not like she was here to enjoy herself.

"Here you are, Shari," Denise said. Sharon smiled politely and took the glass.

.*.*.*.*.*

Sharon slammed down her glass down on the bar counter, throwing the drink back to the back of her throat. A loud cheer erupted from her audience, which was nearly half the people in the bar area. She turned and smiled. She was wasted, and she knew it. Not to the level where she was incomprehensive, but she knew that was around the bend. She had let her pain cloud her judgment and got too far into this part of the operation, liking the numbing feeling it gave her and the attention she was gaining.

She felt a hand on her back, and turned to see who it was. Andy was standing by her side, looking at her with concern.

"You are drunk, you should go home," he told her, almost warning her.

"No," she said pulling away from him, stumbling slightly. He gripped her wrist, not allowing her to walk away from him. "Let me go!"

"You're coming with me," he told her and began dragging her away from the bar.

"Let me go, I'm not drunk," she yelled to him.

"Hey! The lady said let her go!" The tall man who had convicted her to start drinking hard liquor yelled. Sharron had learned his name was Darrne.

Andy glared at the man. "She is coming with me."

"Do you want to go with him?" He asked Sharon. Sharon shook her head. He looked back to Andy. "Now let her go."

"And what are you going to do if I don't?"

Darren lifted his hand and swung his fist towards Andy. His fist collided with Andy's left cheek, knocking him down to the ground. Sharon gasped loudly, and fell to her knees. A task which was not so easy to do with her consumption of alcohol and heels.

"Oh my god, Andy," she said.

"Problem solved," Darren said. The man she had recognized, and learned his name was Peter was standing by Darren with nothing by rage in his eyes.

"I didn't want to go with him, but did you have to hit him?"

"He wasn't letting you go," he told her. "Come on, he'll be fine." He helped her up, and pulled her back over to the bar. She caught a glimpse of Sykes and Sanchez running to Andy's aid.

"I think I should go home," she said, pulling away from him. He looked at her and nodded.

"Fine. I just didn't want someone making you do something you didn't want to do," he told her.

"Thank you, but I really think I should. Maybe I am a little on the drunk side," she told him. She walked over to the bar where the cash register was. "I'd like to pay for my drinks," she told Denise.

Denise looked at her with confusion. "They've all already been paid for," she told her.

Sharon brought her eyebrows together. "By who?" She asked looking around.

"Peter," Denise answered. Sharon looked around the room, and did not see the man anywhere. She sighed, and nodded.

"Tell him I said thank you when you see him."

"Uh huh," Denise said waving her off.

Sharon made her way back down to the club area where Andy was being escorted by Sykes out of the club. She fell behind them, waiting until they got outside to walk up to them. She knew Sanchez wouldn't be far behind her. When they had reached the van, Sharon walked over to Andy.

"Lt. Flynn, I'm sorry, I didn't know he was going to hit you," she apologized. Andy looked at her, a large bruise already formed on his face.

"You were just getting to many drinks from them, I was just cutting in before it got out of hand," he told her. Her facial features where soft, and looked sad by the fact that she had gotten him hurt.

"I know, thank you."

"Another bust," Sykes said, with a sigh.

"I don't think so," Sharon rejected. "Peter, the boy I talked with briefly, was acting very strange." She tried recalling, though her recollection was impaired. "He was visibly outraged by Andy, he kept staring at me all night and only talked to me when I confronted him-"

"-so," Provenzia asked.

"So, when I was talking to Darren he said that Peter was acting weird, that he was usually sociable, and thought it was because he liked me and I was talking to Darren, not him... And he also paid my tab, and heleft right after what happened with you," she directed towards Andy. It hurt her mind to recall all of these events. She knew they had not listened to her conversations the whole night because the others were scanning the room too. "I want you to do a background check on Peter. And run his picture by Candice."

"Right now?" Tao asked, pointing out that it was nearly 2am.

"No, no, in the morning. It's late, go home." She told her squad. She turned to walk back to her car, but stumbled. She felt arms wrap around her, catching her from falling. She looked up to see Andy, there to save her again.

"You're not driving home," he told her.

She nodded slightly, knowing she was well past the intoxication limit. She was surprised she was even functioning at the level she was. One more drink and she would be gone. She was already acting on some of her drunken traits, but at least she hadn't hit the point of blurred nonsense. She was thankful that Andy had stopped her before then.

He walked the two of them to her car, knowing he had come in with Provenzia. She dug her keys out of her bag, and handed them to him. He unlocked the car, and they slide in, her on the passenger's side and him on the drivers.

"I don't know where you live," he told her.

"I don't want to go home. I don't want Rusty to see me like this," she said, knowing it would not be good.

"You can sober up at my house and then head home."

She nodded, and they drove away towards his house. The ride was silent, and she tried not to fall asleep. After a few minutes they had arrived at a small townhouse. He helped her out of her car, and inside his home.

"Your house is nice," she murmured.

"Thank you."

He led her to the couch. She sat down, trying to still be somewhat graceful. He sat beside her. He reached down, unbuckled her shoes, and took off her heels. He saw her red feet.

"How can you wear those for so long?" He asked her.

"I have been wearing heels for years," she answered. "Though, drinking does help one forget the pain."

He laughed slightly. He lifted her right foot onto his lap, and began rubbing it. She hummed, and leaned back against the couch. When she opened her yes, Andy was leaned closer to her. His eyes closed and rubbed her foot. She pulled him close, kissing him. He pulled away, stunned.

He looked down on her. His mouth hung open. She leaned in, pressing her body against his. She kissed him hungrily. She pulled herself on top of him. Her hands placed on both sides of his face, and her hips rocked against him. Her right hand let go of his neck and began undoing the buttons of his shirt. He pulled back and pushed her back onto the couch.

"Sharon, no," he told her. There were so many reasons for him not to peruse her advances.

Her face fell into hurt of being rejected. He wondered how often she actually offered herself up like this. Little did he know that she never did, and because she did she hurt and that was why she was seeking comfort.

"Please," she whispered.

He looked at her, and could see it in her eyes. She needed him. He didn't understand why, but he knew it wasn't that she wanted a quick lay or that she had feelings for him. She needed somebody, and it might as well be him. At least with him he knew it wouldn't hurt her more, or at least he could hope not. He could control it.

He sighed. "You're drunk," he told her. He knew that even though she needed someone, he couldn't take advantage of her. It wasn't him to do so.

She leaned up, and gripped his shirt. "I don't care," she told him gripping his white shirt.

She pulled him down into a rough kiss. She leaned back into the couch in a seating position, and he lay on top of her. His knee's placed under hers so he could balance himself on the couch. In this moment he realized he had more desire for the woman in front of him than he previously thought.

He pushed her skirt up as she unbuttoned his pants, and they knew what was to come was going to be rough, which was exactly what she wanted right now. He pushed his pants down just enough to enter her, and with that he did so. Her panties weren't even off, just merely pushed to the side. He locked her hands on the couch cushion by her head. Her chest heaved upward, pushing against the fabric of her shirt.

With each thrust she became more sober. Their actions becoming more clear. But she couldn't stop him now. She couldn't lead him on like that and then stop him half way through. She had made this choice, and she was going to follow through. It wasn't that he was bad either, but the more sober she got the more guilt built within her. She was doing the exact thing she was so upset about Brenda doing, and this was probably worse. At least Brenda was sleeping with her husband, whereas Sharon was having a drunken screw with her co-worker. Yes, Sharon had needed someone. Yes, she wanted to know if she could move on from Brenda. But this, she knew, was not the best way of going about that. But her bed was now made, and she would have to sleep in it.

When Andy had finished, he carefully rolled off of her. His eyes glossed over, and body trembling. She waited for him to come back down before she really looked at him. He had moaned her name as he came, as if he had been waiting to do it since they met. She wondered if he had. She wondered if she just dug herself a whole bigger than she could get out of. Did he have feelings for her?

"I should go," she said, standing. She put her hand on her forehead, already feeling the effects of the hangover to come.

"Perhaps you should clean up first?" He suggested. She looked down at her leg, and nodded. "Bathroom is down the hall, first door on the left." She simply nodded again, and made her way down the hall.

He watched her walk away, and covered his face as she disappeared from sight. Why had he just done that?! He knew why, but it didn't take away from how stupid it was. It was beyond stupid, sleeping with his boss, but he did it anyway. She looked so hurt, and he couldn't bear to see her that way. But when she walked away she looked even more so, like she just made a huge error. Which she had. But he hoped that she trusted him.

He wondered if that is what she had truly wanted, or if she just thought she wanted it because she was drunk. Thought she wanted a temporary fix, for what he could only presume was a large wound.

When she came back out, her hair was thrown about and was slightly slumped over. She reached down for her purse, and looked over to Flynn. It was clear she was still intoxicated, but nowhere near as much as she had been.

"Good night," she told him.

"Night."

She walked out of his house, and made her way to her car quickly. She began digging in her purse for her keys, which were no where to be found. She sighed, and looked back to Andy's house.

"Shit," she muttered. She walked back up to the front door, and knocked on it. She just wanted to get home. He opened the door and looked at her with confusion. "You have my keys," she explained her presence.

"Oh, right." He walked over and picked up her keys. He handed them to her. "Are you sure you're okay to drive?" She nodded, and walked away before he could say anything else.

She carefully drove home, knowing she still shouldn't have been driving though she knew she was okay to do so. She was still over the legal drinking limit, but she had to get away from him. It took her a while to arrive home, but when she did she was beyond grateful.

She opened the door and saw the living room light still on. She walked over to the couch and found Rusty asleep on it. She walked around to the coffee table, leaned down onto it. She reached out to Rusty, shaking him lightly.

"Rusty, Honey, go to bed," she told him. He looked up to her with a glossed over tired expression.

"What time is it?" He asked her, half sitting up.

"Uh," she paused, having no idea. She looked down to her wristwatch. "It's almost 4:30am."

"I guess I fell asleep waiting for you to get home," he said. He opened his eyes completely, and looked over to Sharon.

"I told you I wouldn't know what time I would be getting home," she reminded him. He nodded, and squinted his eyes. "What?"

"You were at work?"

"Yes?" she questioned, wondering where he was going with this.

"Why do you smell like sex and alcohol?" He asked. Her face fell from the small smile it held. She should have known he would have been able to tell, he was observant. Hence why she hadn't wanted to come home right away in the first place.

"It's a long story."

"Short version?" He asked, picking up his throw blanket.

"I was undercover at the bar," she told him.

"That explains the alcohol, but not the sex," he said. "You stop over Brenda's or something? You could have at least taken a shower."

"That is where I was headed, now go to bed."

He walked down the hall to his bedroom, leaving her alone in her living room. She rubbed her forehead, and shook her head.

Brenda. What had she done? She wondered as she walked to the bathroom. She slept with someone else, a co-worker none the less. But in doing so she realized that she couldn't be with anyone else. She just wanted Brenda. She couldn't lie to Brenda either, even if she wanted to. She would tell her. Wondering if she should say it bluntly, apologize first, beg for mercy; which would be the best? She still couldn't tell Brenda about what had happened the day before. She hoped that Brenda wouldn't a hypocrite and would forgive her.

She stepped into the shower, and let her thoughts try and sort them out. She sighed tipped her head back into the shower, pushing her hands through her hair smoothing it down. She let the water run down her face.

She would do all of her options; tell Brenda, apologize, and beg. She would do anything for her. She knew she needed Brenda, but never had she thought she wanted Brenda's love as much she did right now. She felt used, dirty, and cracked. She couldn't blame Andy, she had made the advances. She wanted to see if Brenda was it for her, and knew the risk she of what she had done while she was doing it. But she needed to do it. As much as she hated that she did, she needed that question answered. Now she knew it. Brenda was the rest of her life.

Another chip of her heart broke off. Brenda wasn't hers. Brenda was Agent Howards, that cheating alcoholic womanizer. She was married to him. She still slept with him. She was still married to him. She wasn't going to leave him for Brenda. Fritz's words rung in her ears.

'Who could ever love you?' his voice was clear.

She shook her head. No. She wouldn't weep for her love. Weeping was done, and she knew that. She would fight, and she would win. Brenda would be hers. She wouldn't stop until she was. They had both messed up. They had both been horrible to each other, but it was Sharon who needed to confront this. Love was a battle, and they were in war between heart and mind. Body and sanity. She would claim victory in this. She would, as usual, get what she wanted even if it meant Brenda hating her to get there.

She wouldn't sleep in a bed of lies anymore.

*.*.*.*. (Sunday).

"Lieutenant Flynn, my office please," Sharon said first thing as she walked into the murder room, and b-lined to her office.

"Now what did you do?" Provenzia asked. Flynn smirked slightly at the irony, and followed Sharon into her office. She was glad Rusty had decided to work on his homework in the break room.

Yesterday had been awkward between Andy and her. They had avoided each almost the whole day, due to Sharon not feeling like dealing with him until she had figured out what exactly what she wanted to say to him.

"Yes?" He wondered once he was in her office.

"Shut the door," she ordered him. He nodded, slightly confused, and did as he was told. "Take a seat."

"What is this about?"

"You know what it's about," she told him. She sat at her desk, and crossed her legs. She pulled out her phone and set it on top of the desk, to make sure she didn't miss if it went off. She was actually expecting a text from Brenda, she had asked if they could speak.

He crossed over to the seat opposite of her desk. He sat down, and looked at her. "What about it?"

"I'm sorry," she said. "For… that," she added and pulled her right cheek up.

"For sex? Don't apologize, Sharon-" she glared at him "-Captain Raydor," he corrected himself. "I am just as much to blame as you are, if not more."

"You weren't coming onto me," she pointed out.

"No, but I was the one that was sober and I should not have taken advantage of you like that. It was wrong of me."

She smirked slightly, knowing he was stubborn and wouldn't let her take the blame. "It shouldn't have happened."

"I know."

"And it can't happen again."

"I know."

She rubbed her lips together gently, thinking. "Why did you give in, if you knew you shouldn't have?" She asked.

"I don't know," he lied. "But I know you regret it."

She lifted her eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yea."

"Well, I am your boss," she reminded him. He nodded, knowing that was some of it.

"There is more than that."

She sighed, and looked down to her hands that she just became aware she was playing with. She tossed her hair back and cleared her throat.

"I'm seeing someone," she admitted.

"Oh," he barely got out. She looked up to him, and he was genuinely shocked.

"Is it really that hard for people to fathom that I am in love?" She blurted out, almost angrily. His expression changed again at hearing the word 'love'.

"Uh, no. You just don't seem like the cheating type," he told her. Her rules were too strict for that, and he knew it.

"I'm not, at least I didn't think I was." She looked up to him with sad eyes. His face grew into one of empathy.

"Sharon, I'm sorry if I had known-"

She put her hand up, stopping him. "Don't. My relationship is very complicated. I don't have her heart completely, and what happened between us… it was my way of trying to figure out if I could be with anyone else."

"Oh," he said. He finally understood why she looked at him the way she did.

"Oh god, I didn't mean," she began but trailed off. "I'm sorry," she repeated.

He nodded, understanding. He knew there was no relationship there between them. He knew she was using him, even with her drunk he knew that. He could see it in his eyes. The funny thing was he wasn't hurt or upset by it, he understood. He liked her, and was attracted to her, it would be silly to deny that now, but he just realized it wasn't about the sex for him. It was about making her happy. He wasn't in love with her, that he knew too. But he felt an odd kinship for her that he couldn't explain.

"It's fine," he told the truth. "It's not like I expected anything to come out of having sex with you," he said. It came out much harsher than he intended, but he didn't understand what he felt let alone the words to say to her.

She was clearly taken back, and somewhat offended by the statement. "Okay then." She cleared her throat again. "You should get back to work," she told him. He took the hint and stood.

He walked out to the murder room, getting odd stares from his co-worker. He ignored them and sat down.

"What did the Wicked Witch want?" Provenzia leaned in and whispered.

"Nothing," he clearly lied. He turned to the murder board, and looked at what they had complied the day before. He heard her heels clicking as she walked back to Sharon made her way back into the room.

"Did we find anything else on Mr. Riley?" Sharon asked, referring to the boy Peter they had an encounter with.

All they had found yesterday was a false address he had given DMV and the prison he worked at. Apparently he had not shown up for his shift today, and no one had seen him since last night. But Candice has given a positive identification of him, and they knew they were on the right path finally.

*.*.*.*.

Brenda heard a knock on her door, and pulled herself from her bed. Another knock came impatiently from the other side.

"Hold on," Brenda yelled to the person on the opposite side of the door. She pushed her hand through her hair, so it was out of her face. She pulled her brown sweater closer to her body, and opened the door. She found Sharon standing in front of her. Her glasses where off, and she hadn't look like she had slept well the past few nights. 'Good,' Brenda thought. "Sharon?" She questioned out loud. "What are you doin' here?"

"You weren't answering my text," Sharon answered. She'd never been to Brenda's house but to pick her up to go to New York.

"Because I feel like talking to you," she pointed out. She thought that was pretty clear.

"Is Agent Howard here?" Sharon asked.

"No…" Brenda trailed off.

Sharon placed both of her hands Brenda's face, and kissed her. She pushed them both back inside the house. The kiss was passionate, and caring. Brenda pulled away from Sharon.

"No, you can't do that! You can't just tell me you want a break and then kiss like that!" Brenda defended herself.

"I made a mistake; I shouldn't have told you I wanted a break in the first place."

Brenda looked at Sharon and moved closer to her. "Why did you do it then? And why are you here now, what changed?" Her big chocolate brown eyes filled with sadness and confusion.

Sharon shook her head. She couldn't tell her why she did it, not yet, not till she was sure Brenda wouldn't be hurt as much by the whole truth of how Sharon found out. But she would tell what changed. She found the words harder to say than she thought it would be.

"You're going to hate me," she mumbled.

"I could never hate you, but you are starting to scare me."

Sharon let out a shaky voice, best to just rip it off. "I slept with Andy Friday night."

She couldn't look at Brenda as she said, but she heard the blonde's sharp intake of breath and the watery exhale. She turned to Brenda, whose eyes were making no attempt to hide the pain and it hurt Sharon to know she had done that. But she needed to be honest.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to lie to you," she told Brenda.

"You guys have been-" Brenda began but couldn't finish her sentence.

"No. God no, Brenda. It was that night," she tried to explain.

"Then why did you sleep with him? I don't understand. Was I not good enough?" Brenda cried.

"No! It wasn't that. I was hurting and confused Brenda… About you, about our relationship. I sought comfort. I had so many questions about where we were, but I know now. I know I just want you." Brenda looked at her as though she still didn't understand . Sharon sighed. "I needed to know if I could even possibly move on from you, and I can't. I just want you, and I don't care what that means. I will fight for you even if you hate me right now. I don't want us to lie, and I know it hurts you but I had find out… I know I was wrong about how I went about it, and I have this overwhelming guilt because of it. I shouldn't have slept with him. I should just let this break ride out and answered all those questions myself… But I didn't, and I've never regretted anything more."

Brenda bit her lip, trying to hold back more tears. She pulled the fabric down on her shirt and wiped away her tears. She was hurting but she wanted Sharon. She didn't want to forgive her so quickly, but she understood. She even hated that she understood so easily. She knew Sharon would have one day stepped out. She had wondered at the beginning how long Sharon would stay her mistress. How could she be upset when she was the one that was married?

She heard Sharon move over to her, and felt as Sharon's hand wrapped into Brenda. A large object was placed into her hand. She pulled her hand away from Sharon's and looked down to what the woman had placed inside of it. In her hand was a large locket necklace with a large opal in the center and was framed subtle flourishes. She looked up to Sharon, and dried the rest of her tears from her eyes.

"Open it," Sharon told her.

Brenda looked back down to the locket, and carefully opened it. On the right side was the picture Brenda had taken of them in New York in their room of them kissing. To the left was an inscription. Brenda brought it close to her eyes, but still couldn't read it without her glasses.

"I can't read it," Brenda groaned.

"It's says 'I love you'," Sharon said. She placed her hand back into Brenda's.

Brenda's eyes went from sad to happy in a matter of seconds. It didn't matter what Sharon had just told her, because Sharon loved her. She knew Sharon had said it only once before, but now it was printed. Their love was undeniable, even more so than she thought before. Brenda smiled lightly and leaned in to kiss Sharon.

The kiss was slow and tender. Their hands pulling each other closer.

"I know you needed clarity," Brenda whispered. "It kills me but… I love you and I want to be with you. Even you flaws and mistakes."

Sharon smiled weakly, and placed her lips on Brenda's once more. Brenda found herself tugging Sharon towards her bedroom, discarding each other's clothing as they moved closer to it. Brenda pushed Sharon down onto her bed, pulling herself on top of the older woman. She knew Sharon liked being top, but she at least owed Brenda this much.

Clad only in her bra and underwear, Brenda leaned down to tease Sharon in multiple areas where she knew it'd get a reaction. Sharon's head tipped back into the pillow, and gripped Brenda's shoulders. The moan that she has suddenly cut off by a phone ringing.

"Shit," Brenda mumbled, and scrambled off the bed to try and find her phone.

"Seriously?!" Sharon called out, her body incredibly ready and needy.

"It may be Fritz," Brenda explained. She pulled out her phone, and huffed. "It is. I don't wanna talk to him," she said as if she were five years old.

"What if he is on his way back here?" Sharon said. Brenda walked over to Sharon, and placed her phone on the nightstand.

"You know what, I don't even care anymore," Brenda said. This earned a large smile from Sharon. Brenda wrapped her arms around Sharon's neck and kissed her deeply. Just in time for her phone to go off again. She moved back to her phone with and overly dramatic sigh. "Yes, Fritz?" She answered. Sharon could hear Fritz's voice over the phone.

"My boss called off the op," he said. Clearly working more than just Sharon's case at this moment.

"So, you're heading home?" Brenda asked.

"Yea, I will be back in about 20."

"Okay, but I'm not home," she lied. She looked over to Sharon who had a raised eyebrow.

"Where are you?"

"Out with Sharon," she said with a smirk, that wasn't a complete lie.

"Oh, is she there right now?"

"Um, yea?"

"Can I speak with her?" He asked. Sharon knew it was just his way of confirming that she was in fact with Sharon. Brenda handed Sharon the phone.

"He wants to speak with you," Brenda said not knowing why he would want to.

Sharon accepted the phone. "Yes?" She answered smoothly.

"Oh," was all he said. "I thought that maybe-"

"No," Sharon cut him off. "I am here with her. Just me no one else." Sharon found herself laughing slightly as she lay half naked on their marriage bed.

"Okay, well then you girls have fun tonight."

"Oh, I'm sure we will. And sorry if I keep her all night. Don't want her out on the roads late," she said, buying her till morning to be with her.

"That's fine. Bye."

"Bye," Sharon said, handing Brenda back the phone.

Brenda put it back to her ear, and heard nothing at all. "He hung up," she said.

"Well, I guess we should be going?" Sharon questioned.

"Ah, yes. I would love to have sex with you on my bed for once, but we can't stay here."

"That's, but then we really should be going," she told Brenda, sitting up. Brenda took Sharon's hand, and pulled her from the bed.

Quickly they threw their clothing back on, left their house to their normal hotel.

**A/N:** Sorry for the hetero, I tried not to get to detailed in it but some had done… Sorry…. It, like everything else, leads up to something in later chapters. Nothing is in this story is pointless.

Reviews are wonderful, helps me know that people are actually READING this. So, please do so if you can… Especially if they are about what you think is going to happen, or contrastive criticism.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I tried to update this sooner, but I've been going through a lot recently and haven't been able to focus on anything too long. I tried to get this done and out for you all asap, but it didn't quite work out that way.

Authorjazyme: I know you've been reading because you sent me a message on my ch 9 update on tumblr . But she hasn't told Brenda why yet because it is one thing for her to hurt Brenda because of her actions, but another to hurt her because of Fritz's. She doesn't want Brenda knowing what Fritz did and things she assumes Brenda doesn't know about him yet, and also she wants Brenda to tell her about what is going on at home first. I am only saying this because I forgot to include it, and it won't be covered. And the Andy/Sharon situation will play a role, not a big one, but one that is needed when the time comes.

CalliopeSphia: No it wasn't pretty at all. And she regrets it. But she needed it to find out how she truly felt. She'd been aware of a lot of her feelings, but after that she became aware of the rest of them. And your presumption is somewhat correct, but also very wrong.

Chapter 11

Part One

(At hotel directly after ending of last chapter)

Brenda lay underneath Sharon. Their bodies touching everywhere they could. Their hands softly caressing the others body; fingertips lightly grazing the others side. Brenda turned her head slightly, looking at Sharon who was half asleep on top of her.

"Sharon," she whispered.

Sharon's eyes fluttered open. "Hm?"

"You're falling asleep."

"Sorry," Sharon said, and rolled over to the opposite side of the bed. Brenda moved closer to her, and wrapped her arms around her. Sharon smirked, and pulled Brenda into her.

For the second time, they were separated by Brenda's phone going off. Brenda sighed, and flipped over towards the nightstand where her phone sat.

"I swear to God, if that's Agent Howard," Sharon mumbled, just wanting sleep.

"It's not, go to sleep," Brenda said. "Hello?" She answered as Sharon snuggled into her pillow. Brenda huffed. "Sir, for the last time you have the wrong number. Please stop callin' me," Brenda said. Sharon could barely hear the other side, but whoever it was angry. "I don't know what you are talkin' about, Sir. Please stop calling or I will report you." The voice on the other end became clearly more enraged by her. "I don't have a boyfriend? What?" Brenda said with an annoyed sigh.

Sharon sat up, curious aboutto the conversation. "Why don't you just hang up, Brenda?" She questioned.

"I want him to stop callin' me!" Brenda pleaded. "Yes, I want you leave me alone!" another pause. "Well, how about I trace this number and have you arrested for stalkin' a stranger?" More yelling rang through the telephone.

Sharon reached out her hand, and gestured for the phone. Brenda handed it to her, and Sharon held it up to her ear.

"Listen, its past midnight and I had a horrible day. I would like to enjoy this night with my girlfriend in peace. So if you please stop calling! That'd be great!" Sharon hung up the phone, and threw it on the nightstand. She fell back into the bed, wrapping herself in the blankets tightly. She was beyond tired and didn't feel like dealing with dumb asses tonight. The phone went off again. "If you answer that, I will break your phone," Sharon warned.

Brenda chuckled, and ignored the call. She shut off the light and moved into the bed beside Sharon. She pulled herself into Sharon, spooning her until they drifted to sleep.

*.*.*.*.

The annoying ringing went through Sharon's ears. Her eyes opened, and saw her phone going off on the nightstand. She groaned, and pulled herself out of the bed. Phones were going to drive her made today. She picked up the phone, and looked down at the clock. It was not even 4 am, and Provenza was calling her.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" She groaned, tired after the three and a half hours she'd managed to get.

"We need you at a crime scene," Provenza said.

"Peter killed someone again?" She asked, not wanting to be dragged into a case at this hour.

"Don't know, but you should get down here," he told her.

"I'm on my way," she said and hung up. She hoped Taylor was not about to added to their work load.

She rubbed her eyes, and walked over to the lamp. She flipped the switch on, and saw Brenda stir. Brenda squinted her eyes and looked up at her lover. "I didn't mean to wake you, go back to bed," Sharon whispered. Quickly, she threw her clothing on.

"I feel like I got into a car wreck," Brenda groaned under her breath.

Sharon chuckled. "Sorry about that."

"Where are you goin'?" Brenda got out, shifting in the bed. She began to sit up, but Sharon pushed her gently back to the bed.

"Work. I was called in," Sharon answered.

She sat at the edge of the bed by Brenda to put her shoes on. Brenda reached out and rubbed Sharon's hip slightly. She buried herself into the pillow. Sharon stood, and kissed Brenda's cheek softly.

"I will take a break around eight, and I'll bring you something to eat," Sharon offered. "But for now, get some sleep."

"Love you," Brenda barely said as she was falling back to sleep.

"I love you too," Sharon reciprocated. "Bye." She said. She watched Brenda on the bed for a moment, smiling foolishly before leaving.

*.*.*.*.

The crime scene was in the hallway of a seedy motel. The walls were an unsettling shade of green, the paint peeling off the wall with age. The lights flickered, making Sharon's headache worse. The front clerk was not in the slightest surprised that a murder had taken place, and was as helpful as tits on a bull in answering any questions they had. Of course the hotel had no security cameras, only fake ones for show.

The victim was a Hispanic boy, around 20. He had one clear close range shot to his chest. That wasn't close enough to leave tattooing but close enough to leave a fairly large exit wound.

Sharon rubbed her eyes once again, trying to contain a yawn that threatened to escape. She leaned closer to the boy - he looked vaguely familiar, as though she had seen him in passing some point.

"Anyone know his name?" She asked her tired team.

"Eric Norland," Sanchez answered.

"You alright, Captain?" Andy asked.

"He looks familiar," she said. She tilted her head to get a better look at the boy. She wondered why she had come across so many familiar faces she couldn't place lately. "Does he have a phone?" she asked. Skyes picked up an evidence back, displaying the untouched phone. "I want his phone records as soon as possible, please," she directed at Tao.

"Well, we dusted the phone, and it was clean," Tao explained. Sharon raised her eyebrow. "And I have a stylus, so we can at least see what his last calls were." She nodded, allowing this. Tao carefully pulled out his stylus from his phone, and began going through Eric's. "Last calls were to 555-897-0419," he said. Sharon looked over to him with wide eyes. "He made two outgoing calls to it. First one at 00:41, lasting two minutes, the next calling directly after the first."

"His death was about a half hour after that," Morales explained. Sharon walked over to Tao, and looked over his shoulder at the phone.

"What?" He asked.

"That can't be right," she whispered to herself.

"What can't?" Flynn wondered.

She looked over to her team, her expression confused. "That's Brenda's number," she said. She shook her head slightly, recalling the odd phone call that Brenda had gotten around that time. "Are you sure that is his phone?" Tao exited out of the home screen, displaying a photo of their victim with was presumably his girlfriend.

"What is it, Captain?" Sykes asked, deciding to be the one to do so in a room full of people that clearly wanted to.

"It just doesn't make sense," she said.

"Well, unless you know where she was?" Provenza asked. Sharon cleared her throat and shook her head.

"Uh, no," she muttered. "Why would I?" She scoffed.

"Wait," Skyes said, being over.

"What?"

"There's a hair," she answered. She carefully pulled a long, blonde, curly hair from the boy's dark blue jacket. Provenza, Flynn, and Tao all cleared their throats. Sharon's stomach fell into her knees.

There was no possible way Brenda did this, not even the slightest. Sharon had been with her the whole time. But why did it seem like someone was trying to set her up? It didn't make sense. She shook her head.

"It's impossible," Sharon thought out loud.

"Why?" Provenza asked, being the usual ass he was. But Sharon couldn't answer the question, not giving away where Brenda was and what they were doing.

"Brenda couldn't have done this, and you guys know it," Sharon explained. "Find me the bullet," she said, before walking away.

"Did the woman from FID just tell us that 'someone couldn't have done it'?" Sanchez asked, almost stunned.

Flynn followed her out. "Sharon?" He called after her. She looked at him, her eyes filled with worry. "Are you okay?"

"It's not Brenda," Sharon told him. "I know it's not."

"How? I know you two are friends, and I don't think it's her either… But we have to rule her out first. We can have her come down to the station give us her alibi," he told her. She rubbed her head and huffed.

"We should wait till morning," she told him. "And I want that bullet found."

*.*.*.*.

Sharon entered the hotel room with a bag of food in her hand. She could hear the shower running, and walked over to the bathroom after setting the bag down. Opening the door to let some of the steam roll out, she walked into the bathroom.

"Brenda, I'm back," she said just loud enough to be heard over the running water.

"Join me!" Brenda shouted back. Sharon smirked. She hadn't showered yet and she desperately needed to after having her team point out that she was still wearing yesterdays clothes. Of course she had brought her change of clothes with her, but had no time to change yet between work and dropping off Rusty at school for an early chess practice followed by a study group Gav had forced him into.

Sharon quickly took off her clothes and joined Brenda in the shower. She wrapped her arms around the woman, and kissed her shoulder. She worried so much about what would happen if the bullet was found by CSU, or, even worse, if it somehow matched Brenda's gun. Not even for a moment did she fathom the idea that Brenda could have done this, but how was she supposed to prove that without outing them? She needed to discuss it with Brenda first. She let the situation disappear from her mind for this moment, enjoying being close to the woman she loved.

"I brought you food, and I don't want it to get cold," she told the blonde.

"You always have to take the fun out of everything," Brenda pouted.

"Sorry," Sharon said, feeling slightly disappointed at herself too.

When they got out of the bathroom, Sharon dressed while Brenda began eating the few chocolate filled croissants she'd picked up from her favorite bakery. She knew Brenda had never had there before, and had promised to bring her some at some point.

"These are so good!" Brenda exclaimed after taking her first roll

"I told you they were," Sharon simply replied. She gave a half smile at Brenda's reaction.

Brenda walked over to Sharon who was fixing the buttons of her purple button up shirt. She touched Sharon slightly, tilting her head.

"Sharon, is everythin' okay?" Brenda asked, causing Sharon to look up. "It doesn't have anythin' to do with Lieutenan Flynn does it?"

"No! God no!" Sharon sighed. She placed her hands on both of Brenda's arms, rubbing them slightly. "You have nothing to worry about. I know I messed up with him, and I lost some of your trust. I understand that I did… But whatever it was that happened with him… It's over. It never really was, and you don't need to worry about it. Okay?" Brenda nodded slightly. "I love you, not him. I am completely and one hundred percent yours, Brenda. And I won't leave your side, no matter what."

"Even if it's hell?" Brenda asked.

"Even if it's hell," Sharon whispered. She kissed Brenda's forehead. She heard her phone ringing in her bag and picked the bag off the table. "I am going to destroy this thing," she muttered, gaining a chuckle from Brenda. Sharon sighed when she saw it was Andy, but answered it. "Captain Raydor," she answered. She watched Brenda move back to the table and continue eating.

"Hey, so, we heard from CSU and they can't find the bullet but we did find a print on the eye glass case that were a match to Brenda's," Andy explained. "You need to come in so we can pick her up."

Sharon looked over to Brenda. "I'll be there shortly," she muttered. She hadn't had time to tell Brenda what was happening, and now she had to leave. She knew the DNA on the hair wouldn't come back for another few hours to a day.

"Brenda, I have to tell you something and you have to trust me," Sharon said. She walked over to her, and sat across from her. "I don't know how serious it is, but everyone seems to think that you are somehow involved in the murder case I started last night." The roll Brenda was taking a bite out of fell from her hand to the table. She looked over to Sharon.

"What?" She barely got out.

"I wanted to tell you in case we have to bring you down, but I am going to try to let it not get to that point," Sharon explained.

"You don't think I did it, do you?" Brenda asked.

"No, I know you didn't. You were with me when it happened," Sharon told her.

"But you can't tell them!" Brenda exclaimed.

"I know, and I haven't. I don't care if they know, but I know you do."

"I don't want Fritz to find out this way," Brenda defended. "It wouldn't be right." Brenda squinted her eyes. "If they think it's me, I need to know who it is. Who is it?"

Sharon shook her head. "I can't tell you."

"Why not?" Brenda pleaded.

"You know why not," she reminded her. "I shouldn't have even told you that you are a suspect." Brenda huffed and slumped in her chair. She took another bite out of her roll. Sharon looked over to Brenda,. "I think you should head home, if they find you here they'll check the security cameras," Sharon said.

Brenda looked at Sharon remembering that they were all over each other in the elevator on the way up. Well, Brenda was all over Sharon while Sharon was reminding her of the cameras; it was only the last few last floors Sharon gave in. Brenda sighed, and nodded.

"Can I finish eating first?" Brenda asked.

"Yes, but I should head back in. I need to try and clear your name before they are fully convinced to bring you in," Sharon said. She was worried that the squad already was, but couldn't make a move without her say. She tossed her hair, and placed her hands awkwardly on her hips. She looked down to Brenda who sat at the table eating, and loosened her shoulders. Brenda looked worried and confused about the situation, not understanding how she could be a suspect in the first place. "Brenda, I'll fix it. I promise," she swore.

"I believe you," Brenda said with a weary unconvinced smile. Sharon kissed Brenda's forehead before grabbing her bag and heading back to work. She hoped Brenda believed in her, that she would get her out of this.

*.*.*.*.

It had been three hours since Sharon had departed from the hotel, and evidence against Brenda was only piling up. No bullet was found and there were multiple calls from the victims home phone to both Brenda's home phone andand cell phone. Sharon had tried to explain the possible situation, theorizes it away -, but she knew it wouldn't work, not with all this evidence.

She sat in her office, tapping her pen on the desk trying to think of a way to get around this. But her mind was coming up blank. The only thing that could be done was to tell the truth, but she needed to convince Brenda of it.

There was a knock on her office door, and she looked up through the glass wall. She found Amy on the other side, waiting to be let in.

"Come in," she called, granting the woman access.

Amy strode into the room, confident in what she had to say, like she had practiced it. This caused Sharon to lift an eyebrow, and sit back. She wondered if, for once, the girl would actually say what was on her mind.

"Yes?" Sharon asked, leading Amy on to continue.

"We need to bring in Ms. Johnson," Sykes stated. "You all are close to her and your closeness is clouding your judgment. It is obvious she did this, and you guys don't want to accept it. I get it, you guys don't think she did it, but it's clear, Captain Raydor. You, of all people, should know not to take your personal feelings into consideration." Sykes exhaled sharply.

"Are you finished?" Sharon asked. Sykes pulled back into herself as though she was getting yelled at by a principle and nodded. "Okay." Sharon stood and glared at the young woman. "I know for a fact Brenda did not do this, but I have no way of proving it to you. So, I will go with you, since you seem to be the _only_ person in my _entire_ squad with _any _form of objectivity, and we will bring her in. Would that appease you enough?" Sharon quipped.

Sykes nodded her head and excited her office. Sharon rolled her eyes, and huffed. She knew Amy had a valid point, and she knew Amy had seen Sharon push this off as long as possible, but now she needed to do this. There was no alternative.

*.*.*.*.

"Comin'," Brenda called out to her front door. She shook her hands slightly, in worry of who it may be. When she opened it her fears were confirmed. "Sharon?" She said, half surprised, but half not. She knew it was this would probably happen.

"Brenda," Sharon said with a 'sorry' look on her face. She looked down and saw Brenda was wearing the locketd she'd bought her. Though she was trying to hide it under a sweater, Sharon could see the unique chain she bought for it.

"Uh," Amy cut in, catching the look between the two. "Mrs. Johnson? If you could come down to the station we have a few questions for you."

"About?"

"The murder of Eric Norland," Sharon said, finally answering Brenda's question from earlier.

Brenda's face fell. "What?" she barely got out. Her expression was horrified, and she was on the verge of tears. "Uh, let me get my jacket," she muttered and walked back into her house for a moment.

*.*.*.*.

"What was your relationship to Mr. Norland?" Sykes asked. Her and Sharon sat in front of Brenda at the interrogation table.

Normally Sharon would have Andy do the interrogation with her,it didn't seem right given their liaison. . Sharon didn't want Brenda to be reminded of her terrible mistake. It was hard to explain to Andy why she didn't want him in there, but had settled on giving Sykes experience.

"I worked with him. He was an intern at the DA's office, and was organizin' the files the last person left for me," Brenda answered. Sharon closed her eyes and remembered seeing him there. That is where she knew him from. Before going to New York, Sharon had picked Brenda up from work for lunch and he was in her office.

"You didn't have any other contact with him outside of work?" Sharon asked. It was like she was getting her teeth pulled out having to ask these questions.

"Uh, he called me a few times after hours. I was helpin' him get a job for when he graduated," Brenda explained. Sharon could see the pain within the blonde. "He was so bright, and wanted to go so far," Brenda said, tearing up.

"You were close to him?" Amy wondered.

"We went out for lunch once or twice, and he helped me a lot. He went above and beyond his internship."

"How long has he been an intern there?" Sharon pushed in.

"Uh, about 3 months. He started just after I was hired on."

"And there was nothing going on between you two sexually?" Sykes asked.

"What?" Sharon and Brenda asked simultaneously out of shock. Both gawked at the woman.

Amy opened the crème folder, and pulled out Brenda's bank statements. "There are three charges to two different hotels in the past 2 months, and there are multiple dinner purchases, and gifts… Including a seven thousand dollar ring. Did you buy it to insure it for money later?"

Sharon put her hands under the table, pulling off the ring Brenda had gotten her. She carefully put it in the pocket of her blazer. She hadn't known it had cost the woman that much. She also wished Brenda hadn't purchased those things on her card. But she couldn't say too much, because all the other rooms Sharon had purchased she'd put on her own card.

Brenda leaned in. "I am not havin' an affair with Eric Norland. For God's sake, he's a kid!"

Sykes shook her head slightly, not believing her. "Where were last night between midnight and 1:30?" She finally questioned.

Brenda shook her head. "This is ridiculous. If I am not being charged with anythin', I'm leavin;," Brenda said standing.

"Only the guilty leave," Sykes continued.

"Oh, Sweetie, you have so much to learn. You think can scare me? You don't know my reputation, do you?" Brenda said with malice.

Sykes opened her mouth, but Sharon cut in. "Amy, shut up and get the hell out," Sharon warned. Amy looked back at the Captain.

"Are you kidding me right now!? Captain, she did it! This is absurd!" Amy yelled.

"Get out!" Sharon yelled back. Amy groaned and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Sharon reached down, and shut off the camera. She quickly rushed over to Brenda, embracing her in a tight hug. Brenda instantly gave into it, and buried her face into Sharon's neck.

"I'm so sorry, Brenda," Sharon apologized. "I tried to fix it, but I couldn't. More evidence keeps pilling up against you."

"I don't understand why though," Brenda said.

"I think you're being framed," Sharon concluded. "It's the only thing I can think of." Brenda pulled back slightly.

"But why?" Brenda repeated.

"I don't know, maybe one of your old cases; I will find out. But please Brenda, give your alibi before anything else comes up and your arrested," Sharon pleaded. Brenda pulled away from her.

"I don't want Fritz to find out this way, Sharon. He deserves more than that."

"He deserves nothing!" Sharon shot back.

Brenda's looked down. "I can't."

Sharon shook her head and threw up her hands. "I can't do this right now. I need to go and try to save your ass, because you won't." She walked out of the room into the main hallway. She walked to the break room for another cut of coffee, and found Rusty sitting at the table with Gav. She walked up to them in a panic. He shouldn't have left school for another 5 hours. "Rusty?" She said calling their attention. "What's going on?"

Rusty looked up to her with sad eyes. "I'm sorry, Sharon."

Sharon sat down in front of him. "Rusty, what happened?" She demanded. She looked down at his hand and saw it was cut up. "You didn't get into another fight, did you?"

"Not exactly," Gav answered for him.

Her eyes flickered between the two of them. "Just tell me what happened," she requested this time.

"Gav and I went out for lunch between rehearsal and studying, like we said we were going to do," Rusty started. Sharon nodded, remembering giving him money this morning to do so. "Well, we decided to walk 'cause it wasn't far and it was less hassle. A couple blocks from the school a couple of varsity baseball for our school cut us off-"

"-They literally cut us off, as in almost hit us with their car," Gav added.

"And they jumped out, and were screaming at us," Rusty continued.

"Calling us faggots, and a bunch of stuff," Gav put in.

"It was fine, you know? It's not like I haven't been called that stuff before, or worse. But then one of them, Jake, asked," Rusty paused trying to find the exact wording the boy had used, "At first he asked how it felt to be an orphan? A drag on society? Then the other guy, Danny, said that I wasn't, that I was adopted… then Jake said 'Oh right, little loner got adopted by the dyke. I guess the faggots stick together.'" Sharon's stomach churned, she hated that word. The only time she was called it was by people she was arresting, or those who hated her. "I got so upset. They could have called me every name in the book, and I wouldn't have cared, but to call you that…"

"Rusty, you shouldn't have gotten into a fight because of what some stupid naive high schoolboy called me," she said.

"I didn't mean to," Rusty defended. "I told him to shut up and that he didn't know what he was talking about, but then he called you a cold hearted homo who didn't deserve to be alive."

"And then I stepped in, and told them to leave him alone, and they hit my stomach," Gav told her.

"After that I just blacked out," Rusty said. "Next thing I knew I was on my here. I don't remember what happened."

"You beat the shit out of them is what happened," Gav told him.

Sharon leaned back into her chair. "You better hope they don't press charges, Rusty," she told him.

"Why would they, they're the ones who started it," Rusty fought back. Sharon knew it would be pointless to fight it, she knew Rusty was someone who needed to see something to understand it.

She looked through the glass wall as a knock came from it and saw Flynn looking at her through. She narrowed her eyebrows, bringing them in close together.

"You guys should head home," Sharon instructed.

"Why? What's going on?" Rusty asked, not understanding why.

Sharon looked at him. "Aren't you two supposed to be at a study group, which means you have a big test coming up; doesn't it?" She asked.

Gav's groaned. "Thanks for reminding us," he said sarcastically. Sharon stood.

"Can Gav spend the night?" Rusty asked. Andy knocked on the glass once more.

"Uh, sure, but I have to get back to work," She said as she walked over to the door. "I'll try and be home no later than 7."

"Cool, I'll have dinner ready," Rusty said. He grabbed his bag from under the table, Gav following his lead.

"Alright," she said. She opened the door, leaving it open for Gav and Rusty to exit from. They practically ran out of the break room.

"Bye," they told her as they passed her.

"See you soon," Sharon said, then turned to Flynn. "You needed something?"

"What's going on?" Andy asked her.

"Rusty got into another fight at school," Sharon began explain. "He-"

"-That's not what I am talking about. I meant with you and Brenda? You kicked Sykes out, turned off the camera, and questioned her?" He guessed.

"I didn't question her, I was trying to convince her to give us her alibi," Sharon answered, feeling the need to defend herself.

"And she won't?" Andy asked, knowing they needed it.

"Not yet," Sharon said with a sigh.

"I don't understand why she won't tell us? Could it really be worse than a murder charge?" He said with a tone of disappointment. "If anyone knows how this all works it's Brenda." Sharon nodded, agreeing.

She wanted to understand why Brenda was not giving her alibi, but she couldn't. She didn't understand why she would want to keep Fritz from it, or why she was even still with him in the first place.

A/N: Thank you to Trica for being my beta!

I literally cut this chapter in half. It's a two part chapter. I had to because there was way too much going on for just one chapter. I told you there would be angst starting in this chapter, but this is just the start of it. There is a lot more angst coming up, and will continue for the next few chapters. A lot of the stuff I have mentioned and have been building up for in previous chapters started coming out in this one, and soon all of it will make sense.

I wanted to write Brenda being bitchy towards Andy, but I didn't have the room for it. Things are escalating quickly... But she is not happy about it in the slightest.

Part two is already written and will be posted by the end of next week .

Reviews are appreciated.


	12. Chapter 112

Chapter 11

Part 2

Brenda dried her eyes and looked at Sharon's front door. She took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. She adjusted Joel's cage in her hand, and watched the door. She forced a weak smile when she saw the door opening with Sharon on the other side.

Sharon's glasses were off, which Brenda knew was a sign of her relaxing for the night. And here Brenda was bringing her troubles in. Sharon's hair was pulled back into a clip and was wearing a loose blue sweater and jeans like she had been doing some cleaning.

"Brenda," Sharon said in almost a whisper at seeing her. "You can't be here," she told the blonde.

"I know, because of the investigation, but I have nowhere else to go," Brenda said, trying not to cry. Sharon's face grew to concern.

"What happened?" Sharon wondered.

"Do I have to tell you standing on your here?" Brenda reacted. Sharon shook her head slightly in disbelief and stepped aside. Brenda moved her way inside. She saw Rusty and Gav sitting in the living room playing a video game. Brenda looked over to the kitchen, where the pots and pans were sprawled out across the counter tops.

"I was reorganizing them," Sharon explained. She grabbed Brenda's wrist and began pulling her to her bedroom so they could talk privately.

"Hey Mrs. Johnson," Gav exclaimed, catching her off guard. Rusty looked over to Brenda and Sharon now.

"Hi Brenda," he said, slightly confused. Brenda had never come over to the house while Rusty was home. But he could see she had been crying. And he could also see she was holding a cat cage.

"Hello," she said softly with a gentle smile. Sharon walked over to her bedroom, and waited for the blonde.

"What are you doing here?" Rusty asked.

"I'm not sure yet," Brenda answered.

"Brenda," Sharon called, signaling to the door. Brenda moved quickly aside to the door, where Sharon let her in first. Sharon sat on her bed, and Brenda shut the door behind her. "You can let your cat out," Sharon said as Joel whined inside his cage.

"Thank you," Brenda said, letting Joel out. He instantly ran away from his owner and into Sharon's lap. Sharon gasped, surprised to see the cat she'd never met be so warm to her. She rested her hand on his head, and began petting him. "He likes you," Brenda coo'd, walking up to her.

"I can see that," Sharon replied as he nuzzled into her hand. Sharon couldn't help but smile slightly. Brenda's hand reached over to Sharon's knee, and settled on it lightly. Sharon looked up. "What happened, Brenda?"

Brenda broke eye contact with her, and fell into her lap. "Fritz found out about y'all's investigation when he went to check on that case your unit is workin' on together… I didn't tell him about it, and I wasn't gonna… I thought you could handle it before it got that bad. But he still found out… When I got home he was upset, and I left before it could get out of hand." Sharon tightened her hand around Brenda's. "He doesn't believe me."

"What do you mean?"

"He thought I was with you last night, which I was… Just not the way he thinks. But since I can't give my alibi he doesn't understand. He thinks I was having an affair with Eric too, and that you were coverin' for me."

"I'm a little lost," Sharon said.

"You said I was staying here last night, remember? But since you haven't said anythin', and I haven't given my alibi…"

"Oh, right. I forgot I ever told him that."

"I did too. But he was so upset, Sharon. I kept saying that I wasn't, but he kept getting more and more angry… He got called back in to work, and I left."

"Are you going back?" Sharon questioned, needing the answer. Brenda opened her mouth, but nothing came out but a cry. She knew the answer, but couldn't give it. Sharon shushed her and pulled her into a hug, allowing Brenda to cry on her shoulder. "Brenda, you need to give your alibi."

Brenda pulled back, and sniffled. "It's not just my life this will affect."

"No, it's not. It's mine too, Brenda. Is keeping me a secret really that detrimental to you?" Sharon finally asked. "Is it worth going to prison, so your husband doesn't know? Brenda, please. You, of all people, should see how ridiculous this is."

Brenda bit her lip. "He already thinks I'm having an affair anyway… He's gonna find out." Sharon smiled lightly. "What's the point of keeping it a secret anymore, anyway?"

"You lost me again" Sharon added.

"Well, I-" Brenda started, finally looking the happiest she had since she arrived, but was cut off by Rusty.

"-Sharon, the Chinese food is here!" He yelled over the door.

"I have to pay. But Brenda, you can stay here as long as you need," she told the woman. Brenda smiled lightly, and nodded. Sharon gently pushed Joel off her lap, and left the room.

*.*.*.*.

Gav leaned against the bar, watching Rusty get the water from the fridge. Rusty turned back, and set the pitcher on the counter beside Gav. He reached over for the two glasses he'd pulled out when he noticed Gav was staring at him.

"Yes?" Rusty asked. Gav broke his gaze and looked down.

"Oh, nothing."

"Dude, if you have something to say, just say it," Rusty pushed, being louder than he intended. Sharon had fallen asleep on the couch and none of them wanted to wake her.

"It's just… Well," Gav stumbled. Rusty lifted his eyebrow, urging him to continue. "What Jake said, was it true?"

"About Sharon? No, do you seriously have to ask that?" Rusty replied, almost angered that Gav would even asked.

"No, not about her, about you. When you were talking to Sharon, you sounded like you were, I don't know…."

"Gay," Rusty answered. "Yea, that would makes sense cause I am," he said with a half-smile.

"Oh."

"Why are you asking me this?"

Gav turned beat red. "I don't know, I just kept thinking about it."

"It doesn't bother you, does it?" Rusty tested.

"No, I was just curious." Gav said, suddenly becoming shy. He pulled his arms around his stomach. Rusty huffed, misunderstanding why he was acting like this.

"Great, now you're uncomfortable," Rusty said, feeling upset.

"No, I'm not!" Gav said, whispering but exclaiming his words.

"Then why are you acting like this?"

Gav sighed, giving up. He grabbed Rusty's arms, and pulled him into a kiss. Rusty was caught off guard and threw his hands up, knocking the container of water to the ground with a loud crash. Neither pulled away.

Sharon shot up from her spot. She looked into her kitchen to see what had caused the noise, and saw Rusty and Gav in it. She cleared her throat, and Gav finally pulled away from Rusty. The fact that they had been caught caused both of them to blush.

"Sorry Sharon, we didn't mean to wake you," Rusty apologized. Sharon cleared her throat again, but this time from exhaustion.

"What broke?" She asked, walking out of the living room and over to them. But as soon as she entered the kitchen she stepped into the freezing cold water. She gasped at the sudden cold, and jumped back.

"I'm sorry, that's my fault," Gav added to the apology. "We'll clean it."

Sharon, who was still not 100% coherent, nodded. "Do so quickly, please," she directed. Rusty rushed off to the bathroom for a towel. Sharon smirked, and looked at Gav. "Finally told him how you felt?"

Gav gave a comedic thoughtful face. "I didn't really tell him… I just kinda…"

"Ah, and I interrupted," Sharon acknowledged.

"Kinda yea," Gav agreed. "On the bright side though, he didn't pull away."

"That's a good sign," she said with a yawn.

"Sorry for waking you," he said.

"It's fine. If I had slept on that the couch all night, I would have regretted it in the morning," she explained. She rubbed underneath her eye. "Where's Brenda?"

"She went to bed after you fell asleep," Gav replied. Sharon nodded.

"I should probably head there, I have work tomorrow," she pouted. Gav gave her a small smile. She began walking away, but turned back. "No sex in my house," she ruled, and made sure it was loud enough for both of the boys to hear. "Goodnight," she said.

Rusty, who was coming out of the bathroom as she entered her bedroom, told her goodnight before she shut the door.

She waited a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, and moved over to her bed. She could see the outline of Brenda on it, sleeping on her side of the bed. Sharon chuckled and laid down beside her.

"Is everythin' okay?" Brenda mumbled. "I heard somethin' fall."

"It was just a water pitcher, everything's fine," Sharon responded. She draped her arm on Brenda's waist and snuggled into her neck. She felt Joel on the other side of Brenda, curled into Brenda's stomach. Brenda tangled her fingers, lifted them to her mouth and kissed them softly.

*.*.*.*.

"I'm really nervous," Brenda said as they walked into the LAPD headquarters hand in hand. Sharon could feel Brenda shaking. Multiple eyes were on the two women, most knowing the women in some way or another. Sharon didn't care about their judgments, but she knew Brenda did. She let go of Brenda's hand.

"It's okay. It's going to be okay. I'm right here," Sharon repeated for the tenth time this morning. "Giving your alibi will free you in more ways than one," she reminded her.

"I know," Brenda said. Her shoulders dropped. "I just wish I could talk to Fritz first, tell him instead of him findin' out this way. It doesn't feel right."

"Honey, I know you feel this way, but you need to. It's not a choice anymore."

Brenda nodded, and took a deep breath. She could do this. Sharon was right, she needed to do this.

"Mom!" They heard called out, through the busy area. Sharon instantly recognized the voice, and faced the entrance of the building.

"Caycee?" Sharon said in awe. Brenda looked at the young woman too. She was a spitting image of Raydor but in the form of a 21 year old. The young woman had a look of fear on her face. She ran over to Sharon as soon as she spotted her. "Caycee, what are you doing here?"

"We were coming to visit you," Caycee said.

"We? You mean…?" Sharon hand flew over her mouth. "She's not with you. Where is she!?" Brenda instantly saw a look of fear on Sharon's face.

"Mom, I'm sorry. I thought it would be fine, she was doing so good!"

"Caycee Rosaline Raydor, where is she?!" Sharon demanded.

"I don't know!" Caycee said, on the verge of tears. "She was asked to do a lecture at USC, and they can't find her. She showed up at the hospital but not the lecture, and she's not there anymore."

"Why would you let her go anywhere by herself in an unknown city!? I thought you knew better than that. God, she could be anywhere in this city!" Sharon looked horrified, as though the person she was talking about was ripped from her.

"What's going on?" Brenda asked, wanting to know. Whoever this person was had a big impact on her.

"My sister," Sharon said. "I have to find her." Sharon looked back to her daughter. "Does she know how to get back to your hotel, or my house?"

Caycee shook her head. "I don't know."

Sharon tipped her head back. "Brenda, I'm sorry. I have to go."

"I'm goin' with you," Brenda told her. She could see Sharon needed her, and she wouldn't leave her side.

"You have to give your alibi."

"It can wait for now, I am goin' with you," Brenda said, grabbing her hand again. Caycee looked between them, clearly seeing what was going on between them.

"Okay," Sharon whispered, nodding. She started tearing up, "Okay." She turned back to Caycee. "Let's go." They rushed out of the building and back to Sharon's car. Sharon pulled out her phone, and dialed Rusty's number.

"Hey?" He answered confused.

"Rusty, I'm sorry. I know you and Gav had plans today, but I need you to stay home until I say so," she told him.

"Uh, why? Am I in danger or something?"

"No, but my sister might show up, and if that happens I need someone there for her," Sharon elaborated.

"Alright."

"She'll be confused, I know she will. Do not touch her; tell her to wait in my room and call me right away. Got it?"

"Got it," he said.

"Thank you, Rusty."

She hung up the phone, and let out a shaky breath before getting into her car. Caycee got in the backseat, allowing Brenda to sit in the passengers.

"We're gonna find her," Brenda reassured her. Sharon tried to smile and be optimistic, but something about this situation did not sit right with her. She pulled her pack of cigarettes from under the car seat. "I didn't know you smoked."

"I thought you quit," Caycee said from the back seat.

"I did," she answered Caycee. "And there is still a lot you don't know about me, Brenda."

*.*.*.*.

"Sharon?" Andy asked seeing the confused woman standing by the elevator. She looked up to him. She wasn't wearing her normal clothing, but a red turtle neck long sleeve turtle neck, and somewhat loose fitting jeans. Her hair seemed longer than normal, and was pulled back with a headband. She was visibly shaking.

"Where is Shi?" She asked Andy.

"She who?" He wondered, truly confused.

"Shi, I need Shi," she started shaking more.

"Are you okay?" He grew concerned. She leaned over, and began hyperventilating. He reached out for her, and she screamed.

"No, no," she repeated. She pulled away and shook her head quickly. "I need Shi. P-p-please get her."

"What's going on?" Tao asked walking down the hallway towards them.

"I have no idea," Andy replied. "Something is wrong with her."

"I need her."

"Need who?" Tao asked. He tilted his head to look at the brunette.

"Shi-Shi-Sharon," the woman finally said.

"And who are you?"

She looked up to them, her eyes wider than Sharon's. "Virginia," she answered.

"Oh," Andy said, finally understanding this wasn't the woman he thought it was.

"Sharon hasn't come in today," Tao told her.

Virginia shook her head. "She needs to."

"Well, call her. Tell her you're here. Do you want to wait in the squad room?" He asked kindly. She nodded harshly. He led them to the murder room, while Andy pulled out his phone to dial her number.

"Andy," she said, finally picking up after not doing so all day. "I'm sorry I haven't called in today. I was busy."

"Looking for your sister?" He said.

"Uh, yes? How did you –"

"-She's here," he answered her question before she finished speaking it.

"Oh, thank god," he could hear her sigh of relief through the phone. "Guys she's at Major Crimes," she explained. "I will be there shortly. Have her go to my office. She isn't good with people."

"See you in a bit," he said. She hung up without another word.

Within fifteen minutes she, along with Caycee and Brenda, arrived. She rushed past everyone to her sister, where she hugged her sister tightly. When she pulled away, she didn't do so completely. She turned and held her tightly on the sides.

"Vivi, thank god," she soothed her sister. "I thought I told you to have her go to my office," Sharon directed towards Andy.

"She didn't want to move," he said, feeling bad for not listening to her. Sharon had a way of making you feel small, even when she wasn't trying to.

"Are you okay?" Sharon asked her sister. With Sharon's whole team's full attention on the scene in front of the, Virginia nodded slightly and pulled Sharon closer. "What happened?"

Virginia shook her head. "The bad man, Shi. The bad man who hurt you a long time ago. He was at the hospital… He thought I was you," Virginia told. "He said that the worst hadn't even come." Sharon glanced to Brenda with concern. A knot filled her stomach.

"Wait, the guy at the university?" Brenda asked.

"What is she talking about, Mom?" Caycee put it.

Sharon ignored Caycee. "Was it the man that sent me away?" She asked her sister, trying to dance around the words she didn't want to say and have her whole team know all her horrors. Virginia nodded. "Oh my god, what is he doing out of prison?" she mainly asked herself.

"I d-don't know. I broke the rules, Shi. I broke the rules because I saw him and I wasn't supposed to. I wanted to yell. But I broke the rules," she repeated. She jerked away from Sharon, gripping at her arms, but Sharon held her tighter. They could see this behavior was something Sharon was raised around and learned to control.

"It's okay, Vivi. Shh, it's okay," she said. She rubbed her hand on Virginia's arm, calming her. "You're okay and safe now. All is forgiven." Virginia nodded and leaned down into Sharon's arms. Virginia was ever so slightly taller than Sharon, making the stance slightly awkward, though neither of the girls seemed to care. "Where did you go?"

"I tried to find you house," Virginia answered. "But I couldn't. After a few hours, I took a cab here."

"A few hours? Vivi, we've been looking for you all day."

Virginia pulled back and looked around. "What time is it?"

"4:30," Sanchez answered.

"I lost track."

"I know," Sharon said. She knew it was easy for her to lose track of time when she was panicking. "I think we should get you home."

"What about the guy that hurt you?" Flynn asked.

"He's paralyzed, and a very old man by now. What is he going to do?" Sharon shot back, even though she knew he didn't know what happened. She had no doubt as soon as she left they would look it up, uncovering one of her biggest secrets that she'd been able to keep for years. She bit her lip. "I'm sorry. I should be back tomorrow."

They began walking out, and Brenda followed. Sharon turned to Brenda.

"Brenda? You have to stay," Sharon requested.

"No," Brenda fought back . "I can do this tomorrow."

"Mom, let's just go," Caycee pressed.

"Fine," Sharon got out. Fear, concern, and sadness were written all over her face. Brenda couldn't leave her like that.

*.*.*.*.

Brenda watched Sharon walk back into the living room. She looked exhausted after her long day of worrying. She sat beside Brenda on the couch, and pulled a pillow over her chest.

"Vivi really likes Joel," Sharon said.

"You alright?" Brenda finally asked. It was past ten, and everyone had finally left or gone to sleep. Sharon figured it was best for Virginia to stay the night, at least tonight, to prove that she was safe.

Sharon rolled her neck. "No, I'm not," she truthfully answered.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Brenda pushed. Sharon rolled her head to face Brenda.

"No," she answered simply. She lay down, resting her head on Brenda's lap. Brenda's finger gently combed through her hair. After a few minutes, Brenda decided to say something.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me you had a sister. After all of this, I thought we were being open with each other."

"Are you kidding me?" Sharon retaliated, sitting back up. "I have opened up to you so much. I'm sorry if I wanted to keep one thing to myself as long as I could. She's the one thing that I have always felt guilty and ashamed about." Sharon began tearing up again. "If I hadn't been born first, she'd be fine. If she was fine, my mother wouldn't have killed herself. I had to raise her! All by myself! If anything went against her rules, she would freak out, and I had to calm her down. She blamed herself for our mother's death and tried to be perfect for this hypercritical society that mocks her for being different."

"I am the only person who she could be the closest to normal with. And I wanted to know why… I thought I could help other people with Asperger's communicate more easily… And while I was studying that Vivi was studying to be a heart specialist. And she did it, she is one of the world's most renowned heart surgeons…"

"Why do you feel ashamed?" Brenda asked not understanding. Sharon stood and turned away from her.

"Because I left her, Brenda. When that man hurt me, I ran. Our mother and father had abandoned us in their own ways, and she never forgave herself. And because I was scared, I left her. I'm ashamed of that. She fell back in her treatment, and never fully recovered to the progress her and I made. She got worse and it was my fault. And I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to think less of me!" She scoffed, turned back to Brenda, and pushed her hair out of her face. "And I shared with you so much about myself. You say you thought we have been sharing things, we haven't. I have."

"I have told you things?"

"What?" Sharon cried. "What have you told me? That you gave your cousin a scar as a tradeoff for one of my darkest tales? Or that Fritz was rough with you because I found the bruises? That's not sharing Brenda…" Her hands were shaking. "You, however, forgot to share how Fritz is a raging alcoholic, womanizing, abusive pig."Brenda face dropped into terror. "You really didn't think I would find out he's been hurting you, or that he's drinking? We went on a stakeout together, Brenda. And he came on to me and assaulted me," she finally lashed out.

"You're lying," Brenda said, standing.

"I'm lying!? Are you serious!? Why would I lie about that!? He groped me! He put his hands on me! Do you really think if he had the balls to do that to me, he's not doing it to other women?" Sharon yelled, but still was trying to keep some level of silence to not wake those sleeping. She knew the truth hurt her, but for Brenda to not believe her was worse than the outcomes she'd thought of. "I can't do this, Brenda!"

"Do what!?"

"This! You constantly choosing that bastard over me! You don't want to give you alibi, you were only going to do it because I was pressuring you to. Admit it; you were glad my sister went missing so we didn't go up there!" She was full blown yelling now. She didn't even wait for Brenda to respond before continuing. "You are so scared about hurt him, the man who has hurt you time and time again. But for once, Brenda, think about how this is hurting me! Or do you even care!? Were all your words just lies so you had someone to fuck?" She screamed.

"No, Sharon, you don't understand. I fi-"

"-No, Brenda, you don't. I have torn myself to nothing; broken down every wall I ever built, for you to love me. And it's not enough for you." She crossed across the living room to the wall separating it from the dining room. "Please just go, stay at a hotel or with Charlie, but I can't be near you right now."

Brenda walked passed her to the door only grabbing her purse. She turned to Sharon. "I thought you told me you weren't going to leave me," Brenda forced out.

"This isn't me leaving you; this is you deciding what you want, and don't come back until you do," Sharon said, her voice finally calmer but thick with tears. Brenda nodded, and walked out. She didn't take the time to collect her things, knowing she would be back to Sharon soon. But she could see Sharon needed her space and wouldn't be willing to hear her out.

Sharon shut the door and moved over to the kitchen, where she pulled out a bottle of wine. She started to head towards her cupboard for a glass, but decided she didn't really care if she had one or not. She popped open the bottle and sat at the breakfast bar. She took a large drink and rubbed her forehead with the tips of her fingers.

Her mind ran fast. Had she just made a terrible mistake? She'd chosen Fritz over her multiple times, would this time be different? Was that her goodbye? She couldn't help but feel it was.

She heard the door down the hall open and waited to see which person she had woken with her yelling. Rusty entered the room, and sat beside her. He reached out for her hand, holding it lightly, and gave a poor smile.

"She'll make the right choice," he told her.

"Who is to say I'm the right choice?" She questioned herself. "I'm the mistress in this."

Rusty exhaled deeply and looked at her in the eyes. "Because who would let you go?"

Sharon chuckled. "I'm not really popular with people, Rusty. My niceness level isn't up to par."

He laughed. "No, but that is what makes you you."

Her eyes dropped down to the counter top, and her lounge rolled in her mouth. "I'm sorry you had to hear that. I shouldn't have yelled at all."

"It's fine."

"It's not fine. I was so scared of this." She closed her eyes, and tilted her head back.

"Of what?"

"Of me breaking, especially around you. Rusty, I took you in trying to give you something stable. Let you see how the world can be… Give you something good. And, just like everything in my life, I messed up."

"No you didn't. Do you really think that?" Rusty said, feeling horrible. "Sharon, you're more of a mother to me than I've ever had. I know my past doesn't determine my future, thanks to you. If it wasn't for you, I'd still be on the streets." She pulled him into a tight hug, nearly squeezing all the air from his lung. "I can't breathe."

She pulled away. "Sorry, but, uh, thank you," she gave a slight smile.

She heard her phone ringing on her desk. She slumped off of the bar stool and walked over to where it was sitting. She picked it up and sighed.

"It's Brenda," she told Rusty.

"Don't answer it."

"But what if-"

"Don't 'what if'. It will only make you feel worse," he said. "Now, you're going to sit down and just talk."

"About?"

"Your feelings."

"Oh no, I am not talking to you about this," she protested, backing away. He rushed over and grabbed her arm.

"Who else are you going to talk to about it?" She groaned as he led her to the couch. "So, start from the beginning."

*.*.*.*.

Brenda rushed into the house, her mind running so fast she felt like she could vomit. She leaned against the wall and let out a shaky breath.

"Brenda, is that you?" she heard Fritz call. He walked into the living room and saw her. "Where the hell have you been?! I come home, and I find your shit just thrown around and you not here!" He was angry and made no attempt to conceal it.

"I didn't want to be around someone who didn't believe me!" She fought back. She pushed past him.

"Oh, really is that it? It doesn't have to do with the divorce papers I was served today?" He questioned. She stopped in her tracks and turned to him. "Yeah, thanks for the warning."

"I was gonna to tell you first. I didn't know you were goin' to get them that quick." She turned away and headed towards their bedroom.

"So you were waiting to screw me over. That's even better. Do you even have the decency to tell me why?" He asked, following her.

She pushed open the door, walked over to the dresser. She pulled his bottle of vodka from his sock drawer. "This may have somethin' to do with it," she pointed out. She threw the bottle to the wall, smashing it to tiny pieces. "I am done, Fritz!"

She ran past him, going from room to room, smashing any bottle she could find. She wouldn't have it in her house any longer. Once she reached the kitchen she had collected four more bottles, bringing them with her to the sink. She began throwing each one into the sink.

"Brenda, stop it!" He yelled.

"No! You stop!" She threw the third to last bottle in, causing it to shatter loudly. "I am sick of comin' second! I am sick not feelin' loved by you! You are not the man I married! Did you think I wouldn't find out what you did to Sharon!?" She wailed.

She lifted the last bottle to throw it. He lunged for her, trying to get the bottle from her hand. They fought over it, till he flung her back against the wall off of him. The bottle collided with the wall with her, and her face hit the corner. She fell to the ground, and looked up to him. Her hand cupped her eye were she knew she was bleed. She stood, though still somewhat shaky.

"You're right. I am havin' an affair," she confessed, "with Sharon and I love her. I loved you, Fritz. I gave you so much, and you gave it all away." She swallowed, and squeezed her eyes shut. "I am done bein' hurt by you. I can't help someone who doesn't want it. I want you out of this house by mornin'," she warned him. She grabbed a few more pieces of clothing, and left without another word.

She began driving down the road, wondering which direction to head. She figured it would be best to head to a hotel for the night. She ordered her car to call Sharon, even though she knew she wouldn't pick up. She had tried several times already, and had gotten no response. But this time she would leave a message and hopefully Sharon would listen.

"Sharon, I'm sorry. I already chose you." She tried to control her tears, "You didn't watch the video I made you…" She said. The video had explained that she had decided to divorce Fritz, and why, and her expressing how happy she was. She had hoped when Sharon was going through the pictures she would have found it.

"But I choose you. Please, know that. Please watch it." Brenda let another cry out. "I filed for a divorce, and I tried to tell you… I went home to get some more things. Fritz got the divorce papers today. I didn't think he would get them so soon… He hurt me again and I can't do it anymore. I told him everythin' about you and me, and I left. I love-"

She saw a bright light, and looked to her left, only just in time to see the truck heading directly towards her. A force pushed over her, colliding with her. Pain rushed over her like nothing she had ever felt before. Her head snapped forward, hitting the steering wheel. Her back jerked awkwardly, then back into place, creating a loud crack. She felt her body go weightless for a split second, then the world colliding with her as the car rolled over. Everything stopped for a second.

She could hear people yelling in the distance, but they seemed far away. Her mind seemed to be slipping away no matter how hard she tried to keep herself thinking. It slipped away until it faded to nothing, and the world around her went completely silent and black.

A/N: Yea, bet you guys weren't expecting some of that. Like me throwing Virginia Dixon in the mix as Sharon's twin. I like Virginia I just think it helped explain why she is so harsh on rules and sometimes socially awkward. And it's also another reason why she is so held back and doesn't talk about herself. It just gives a lot more depth to her I think.

I said this was angst filled right? Sorry about the cliff hanger. But there is more angst to come, so prepare.


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Sharon watched Rusty walk down the hallway. After a half hour of barely scraping over the relationship between her and Brenda, and skipping over some major situations that had happened, she'd finally satisfied Rusty's prying enough to at least push him in to bed for the night. She leaned over, waited to hear his door click, and rushed over to her phone. She knew Rusty was right, but she was curious if Brenda had left anything in her voicemail in the ten times she had called. She had, and just a minute or two ago.

She called her voicemail, and anxiously waited to hear what Brenda had to say. She wasn't even sure she wanted to hear it, but the part of her that did took over her body.

"Sharon," Brenda's voice came through her phone, "I'm sorry. I already chose you." Sharon could hear Brenda crying on the phone. "You didn't watch the video I made you… But I choose you. Please, know that. Please watch it." She heard Brenda sob, and it nearly broke her heart. "I filed for a divorce, and I tried to tell you… I went home to get some more things. Fritz got the divorce papers today. I didn't think he would get them so soon… He hurt me again and I can't do it anymore. I told him everythin' about you and me. I love-" Sharon heard a loud collision through the other side, then what sounded like metal being crushed before the line went dead.

Sharon quickly hung up and tried calling Brenda. After the phone not being answered twice, she instructed Siri to locate Brenda. She ran over to the door and threw on her coat. She grabbed her bag and keys, and rushed out of the house. She didn't tell anyone where she was going, all she knew is that she needed to find Brenda.

The directions her phone gave her led her to the scene of an accident only two blocks away from the hotel they usually went to. There was an ambulance, three police cars, a fire truck, and one wrecked car. Brenda's car was thrown out of the intersection and into the adjacent street, flipped upside down. Sharon turned off the siren and rotating light she had used to get to the location as quickly as possible. She ran over to the scene. A patrol officer tried to stop her, but she flashed him her badge to get past him.

When she reached the car, she saw Brenda was still unconscious inside of it. She could see a pool of blood pooling underneath her, her blond hair resting in it. She turned away. She walked over to another officer on the scene.

"Why is she still in the car?" She asked him, almost franticly. He pulled his attention away from the fireman he was talking to.

"Only got here about two minutes ago, Ma'am. She's unconscious and we don't want to risk injuring her neck. Assuming it's not already," he explained.

"And what about the man that hit her?" Sharon tested. She looked around and didn't see any other wrecked cars.

"Witness said it was a heavy duty truck, so it was fine enough to drive off."

"So, no news on who did this," Sharon said.

"No, like I said we just got here. We don't even know who she is," he stated.

"Her name is Brenda Leigh Johnson," Sharon informed him, looking back over to her totaled car.

"The Brenda Leigh Johnson? As in one of our own?"

"Till just recently, yes," she answered.

"And you are?"

"Captain Sharon Raydor." The boy pulled back at the mere mention of her name. He straightened his stance. "Seems like you know who I am too. I'm not here for a performance review, Officer."

"What are you here for, then?"

She ignored his question and moved closer to Brenda's car as she saw more action beginning to take place. There were EMT's surrounding it. They were knocking out all of the glass in the side windows. She watched as one climbed into the passenger's seat. They placed a gurney under Brenda, and carefully pulled her down.

Sharon's hand flew over her mouth, gasping with fear and sorrow as she saw the unrecognizable woman. Brenda's left eye was purple and swollen. Blood was running down her face with no singular direction, large clumps of her hair were covered in it too. Her back was arched oddly. Her knees were covered in bruises, made visible by the riding up of her skirt. Sharon sprinted towards the EMT's that were carrying Brenda away, and followed them over to the ambulance. She reached out for Brenda's limp hand and held onto it tightly.

"Ma'am, you can't get on," the EMT said.

"I can and I will," Raydor stated without any ambiguity. "I am a police officer, for one. And two, this woman is my girlfriend, and I am the only thing she has right now. So, yes, I am."

He moved aside, allowing her onboard the vehicle. The siren began blaring and it tore down the street. She watched in silence as the medics worked on Brenda. Everything was happening so fast; them calling out to each other to get a tube for her throat, starting her IV, arguing over whether or not to give her pain medication.

When they reached the hospital, Sharon's head was spinning. Her mind was running over everything that could be wrong with Brenda. She wondered if their fight would be the last thing she ever said to the woman. As she was lead to the waiting room, all the sounds became blurred and all she heard was her own heartbeat.

"You look like you can use some water," Sharon heard a woman say. She looked up, and saw a nurse standing close to her. She was the only other person in the room. Sharon couldn't do anything but nod. Her stomach was in knots, just like it had been all day. The knots had grown now.

The nurse walked away and came back a few moments later with a paper cup of water. She handed it to Sharon, and Sharon drank it quickly. It didn't help any.

"Maybe you should sit. We will keep you up to date, okay?" The nurse asked.

Sharon nodded again, knowing the nurse had more important things to do than make sure Sharon wouldn't get thrown into an anxiety attack. She sat down in the waiting room. Her head spun and she placed it in her hands.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. She found herself calling Tao, in hope that he was still at the office.

"Lieutenant Tao," he answered.

"Oh, thank God you're still there. I was wondering if you could pull up a street camera for me?" she said. She tried to force her voice to sound normal. This accident didn't feel like an accident, not with the events leading up to it.

"I was just leaving, Ma'am," he groaned.

"Please, Lieutenant. It shouldn't take too long."

She heard him sigh on the other end. "Alright," he mumbled.

After she hung up with Tao, she waited patiently for him to finish. Her fingers nervously tapped her phone, and something clicked in her mind. She needed to call Charlie, but she didn't have her number. She sighed, knowing Rusty did.

Rusty answered after the third ring. "Hello?" He hardly said. She knew she woke him up.

"Rusty, could you get me Charlie's number please?" She asked politely.

"Okay?" the boy responded, disorganized. "Why did you call me?"

"Oh, right." She remembered she left without a word. No one knew where she was. "Brenda was in an accident, I'm at the hospital. I need to call Charlie and let her know."

"Is Brenda alright?" He asked, the statement having made him more alert.

"I don't know yet, I'm still waiting."

"Alright, I'll text you her number, give me a minute," he said. He hung up, and a few moments later she received Charlie's number. She hesitated slightly before calling it.

"You've reached Charlie, I can't come to the phone right now. If you'll leave your name, I will try to get back to you as soon as possible," the girl's voice came through the phone.

"Hi Charlie, its Sharon… I, uh, was just calling to let you know that Brenda was in an accident. I don't know her condition yet, but I know it's bad. We are at Saint Vincent's. I know she'll want you to be here. Night." She hung up, and let out a shaky breath.

It was another three hours before she heard any news. Brenda had fallen into a coma. While the doctors were optimistic she would wake up, they weren't sure of when that would be. Tao had called her back, and it was seen to that the car that hit Brenda was sought out. It wasn't an accident at all.

Sharon found herself in the hospital chapel. She found her way into one of the pews. She didn't pray often, she thought prayer was for situations like this. To find hope again when it started to fade. To remember why she needed religion.

When she walked back into the waiting room, she wasn't alone anymore. Fritz was standing in the corner. Disgust filled her and she charged over to him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She asked with anger.

"Brenda is my wife, and contrary to what you might think. I do care what happens to her."

"You care about her? That's why you physically hurt her again tonight?! I don't think so," she shot back. "I suggest you leave, now."

"That's not happening! I am not going anywhere," he fought back and step closer to her. She could smell the alcohol on him, and could tell he had taken in more than his normal consumption.

She stepped back, and straightened her back. "No," she shook her head, "you don't get that right. After everything you did to her! No. You have no idea how close I am to arresting you for domestic violence right now, and I think you should leave before that happens."

He gave a scornful look, and walked out of the room. She let out a sigh of relief, and walked back to the nurses' station. The nurses on the floor looked at her.

"Any news?" She asked hopefully.

"I think they are almost done with the test, you'll be able to see her shortly."

Another 15 minutes went by before she was able to see Brenda. She walked down the ICU, and found Brenda's bed close to the end of the wing. Brenda's bruises were now bigger, and her cuts were stitched. Her left knee was in a cast; Sharon could see it through the thin hospital blanket. She had a brace around her back and neck as well.

She couldn't help but let out the soft sob as she crossed over to the bedside. She grabbed Brenda's hand, and kissed it lightly. The woman was freezing to her touch.

"Brenda, I'm going to find who did this to you. I promise." She tilted her head, and took in a deep breath. "This is my fault. If I hadn't told you to leave. If I didn't let you go back to him…" Brenda didn't move as Sharon spoke.

She shook her head, and rubbed her lips together. She took off her shoes, set down her bag, and crawled into the bed beside Brenda. The small bed required Sharon to wrap her arms around the woman to be in a comfortable position. She pressed her head lightly into Brenda's shoulder and cried herself to sleep.

*.*.*.*.*

"Captain Raydor?" Sharon heard, she opened her eyes and squinted in front of her. Standing on the opposite side of the bed was Charlie with two coffees in her hand. Sharon sat up off the bed, stretching, and yawning. She blinked her eyes a few times, and refocused back on Charlie.

"How long have you been here?" Sharon asked.

"Almost 4 hours," she answered. "I was out with some friends, when I got home I got your message and came straight here."

Sharon nodded slightly. "What time is it?"

"Almost 7." Charlie extended her hand out to Sharon with a cup of coffee it in. "I got you some."

"Thank you," Sharon said accepting it. "Why didn't you wake me up?" She asked, taking a sip of the coffee. It tasted nothing like how she liked it, but at this moment she didn't care.

Charlie shrugged. "Figured you needed sleep, I guess. I had the Doctors talk to me outside and everything so they didn't wake you."

"Did they find anything else?"

"Well, she's been taking way more aspirin than she should. She was way above the recommended dose. They think that and the head trauma is why she's in a coma," Charlie explained. She sat down in the only chair in the room. "She has to have surgery on her knee, and she sprained her back. And she has pretty terrible whip lash. But at least all the cuts are going to heal just fine, or so they say." She yawned and took another drink from her coffee.

"Thank you for being here," Sharon said with a small smile. She licked her lips slightly, and looked down to Brenda. "Charlie, did you know what was going on with Fritz and Brenda?"

"I'm not sure what you mean," Charlie said, shifting uncomfortably.

"That he was abusing her."

Charlie gasped and threw her hand over her mouth. She knew things were bad, and Fritz had scared her with his behavior, but she didn't think actually would.

"I know he had been really temperamental, but I didn't think he…" Charlie let out a soft sob and looked at her aunt. "I should have said something when I saw it… Oh God," she whispered.

"Don't blame yourself, Charlie. The only person to blame is Agent Howard." She moved off the bed. "I should get Rusty, and head to work. Could you call me if anything happens?" she asked. She felt guilty for leaving, but she needed to find who did this.

"Of course. And if Uncle Fritz stops by?" Charlie asked.

"Don't let him in. If he persists, call me or the police," she instructed. Charlie nodded.

*.*.*.*.*

"Your back," Rusty said as Sharon walked through the front door. He was sitting in the living room in the chair. All his school attire was on and he was waiting.

"For a bit. I see you're ready for me to take you to school?" Sharon observed.

"Actually, I didn't think you were going to be back so I asked Gav to take me," he said.

"Oh, I see. That is well thought out," she said. She moved over to the living room and sat on the couch. "You don't have to go to school today if you don't want to."

"I want to. But I was wondering if I could visit Brenda after school?"

"Of course." She was surprised he would even ask such a thing.

There was a delay before either spoke again. "How is she?"

She looked over to him with sad eyes. "She has a couple serious injuries, and she fell into a coma," she answered.

Rusty's mouth feel open. "What?"

She nodded. "The doctors are optimistic she'll wake up, they just aren't sure when."

"Sharon, I'm sorry." He moved closer to her. "She's a fighter, she'll be fine. I know she will."

She gave him weak smile. "I hope you're right." She looked down the hall. "Is Vivi still asleep?"

"Yeah, I was going to wake her before I left so she didn't wake up with no one here and freak out," he explained.

"That's very wise of you." She sat up and pushed her hair out of her face. "I'll go get her up now."

She stood and walked to her bedroom where she allowed Virginia to sleep for the night. Virginia was sprawled out on her bed, taking up the whole thing. She moved over to the bed, and sat on it.

"Vivi, it's time to get up," she said just loud enough to get Virginia's attention. Virginia groaned and rolled over. Sharon smirked at the childlike behavior. "Come on, Sweetie. I don't want to leave until you get up."

"Then don't leave," Virginia mumbled as she pulled the blanket closer to her.

"Well, you can't sleep forever," Sharon pointed out. She heard Virginia sigh. Her sister flipped over to look at Sharon, and folded the blanket over.

"That's not true. I could die and then I would sleep forever," Virginia responded.

"Don't say that, Vivi," Sharon replied. She knew Virginia had a tendency to say things like that without thinking. Sharon hated when she did.

"Well it's true." Virginia sat up and rubbed her face.

"You're not dying anytime soon, now up," Sharon said. She stood and grabbed Virginia's hands. She helped her sister up and led her to the bathroom for a shower. Virginia never fully woke up until she had taken one.

Once Sharon heard the water running, she moved back into the living room. She watched Rusty throw his bag over his shoulder.

"Gav here?" She asked.

"Yea," he answered. He gave her a hug and left the house.

*.*.*.*.*

Sharon faced her team. They all watched her closely, seeing that something was wrong. Sharon had made Tao swear to not say anything until she was able to tell her team in person. Now, in front of them, she found herself finding it hard to say anything at all.

"What's going on?" Provenza asked.

Sharon exhaled nervously. "Brenda was in a car accident last night. She is now in a coma, but stable." There was a murmer through the the team, all in a tone of worry. "Lieutenant Tao has already confirmed that the car wreck wasn't an accident. Whoever hit her intended to." She folded her hands. "And I know she is being framed." She heard Amy sigh again. "I know she is being framed, and I think the person who hit her is the one who is framing her."

"You're still stuck on that she is framed? The woman wouldn't give us her alibi and now she can't," Amy spoke.

"If you must know, Brenda wasn't just protecting herself by not giving her alibi," she explained. She took a deep breath, and rubbed her hands together. "I was with Brenda that night, we've been seeing each other for quite a few months. I got to her house about 8:30, and we left to the Hacienda Hotel and I was with her until I was called in that morning to go to the crime scene. The phone calls that Brenda received, Brenda did not recognize the number or the voice." She sighed. "The hotel has cameras. If you need verification," she paused, thinking about the tape, "You can find it there."

The room was stunned at her confession, not knowing how to respond. She felt herself growing awkward, and walked past them to her office. She turned around, facing the window. She shut all the blinds, and turned away from the door. She couldn't believe she had just told them all that. She heard a knock on the door.

"Yes," she could hardly even say. She saw Andy walk through the door, and was relieved it was him. She rushed over to him and threw her arms around him. He didn't say a word, just held her tightly. He soothed her. When she pulled back she gave a poor attempt at a smile.

"I'm sorry about Brenda," he sympathized.

She nodded slightly, and sniffled. "Did you need something?"

"Uh, you weren't here yesterday. I thought you could use a briefing."

"Right." She crossed over to her desk, sitting the chair. She lifted her hand for the file. He gave it to her, and she flipped it open. "You spoke with Eric's girlfriend?"

"Yeah, she doesn't know anyone that would want to kill him. Everyone got along with him. Hell, everyone we spoke to only had good things to say. None of them seemed like they were hiding anything. The only odd activity was towards Brenda. "

"I don't understand why someone would go this far out of their way to frame her," she replied, sighing. "What about the Riley case?"

"Uh, Sykes found a possible cabin he might be staying at right before we left last night. We couldn't get a judge to sign over for a night warrant and no-knock… but now we are just waiting for a signature, and well… you," he said.

It took another half hour before a judge was located to sign their warrant, and then they were on their way to Topanga. She was already upset with her team. They had located the hotel security camera and all found themselves huddled around a monitor to watch the two women making out in the elevator. She had caught them in the act of rewinding it, and was livid with each one of them. She said they could use it as confirmation, not for their own entertainment.

Sharon decided it was best to stay in the surveillance van -if Peter was there he would surely recognize her. They pulled up to the old cabin, and noticed there were no cars in the front. Sharon sent Sanchez and Tao around the back, with Provenza, Flynn, and Amy going into the house. They received clears from all directions.

"Oh my God," Sharon and Buzz heard Amy say.

"What?" Sharon demanded.

"Captain, you need to get in here," Amy said, her voice was shaking causing Sharon to fear the worst. Sharon jumped out of the van, and went inside the house. Amy was trying to keep Provenza and Flynn out of the room she was in. "Captain," she called Raydor.

Sharon moved down the hall. "What is it?"

"It's you," Amy explained.

Sharon opened the door, and her stomach fell. Pictures of her were covering the walls. Pictures of Sharon working on an outside crime scene. Walking with Rusty into work or his school to watch his chess match. Pictures through the window of her car of her making love to Brenda. Pictures of their trip to New York. Even one was while she and Gav were outside talking. In all the pictures that had Brenda in them, Brenda's face was stretched off. One caught her eye. She moved over to it, and recognized the image. It was the picture she had taken in New York City for Brenda. The picture she deleted as soon as she returned home. And it was here on his wall.

Then it clicked in her mind. She remembered Peter's face. He was the boy that she had seen in the airport that returned her camera. He was stalking her before that day.

"He's been stalking me for months," she whispered. She looked over to Amy, who looked terrified. "Thank you for not allowing these to be seen by them."

"I wouldn't like it if the roles were reversed," Amy pointed out.

"Hey Captain, we got the truck that hit Brenda last night here," she heard Tao say in her ear. She quickly walked past Amy and moved to back yard. She found Tao and Sanchez standing by an old Ford truck, with its front wrecked.

"How do you know this is the one that crashed into her?" Sharon tested.

"The license plate. I ran them last night, and the truck came up stolen."

"This hurt Brenda," she sorted out, "because of me." She covered her face slightly. "This doesn't make any sense," she mumbled. Why was this man stalking her? Did he hurt Brenda to get to her? Was this truly her fault?

"Who is Noah?" Amy asked through their speakers. She moved back inside, followed by Sanchez and Tao. She found Provenza searching other rooms while Flynn had managed his way into the one Sykes was in. Amy was standing in front of a desk with a notebook in her hands.

"What are you talking about?" Sharon asked.

"He was hired by some Noah guy to kill you, but then he fell in love with you," Amy explained. Sharon reached out for the notebook, and Amy handed it to her.

"I would have thought you would have looked it up yesterday after I left," Sharon thought out loud. "He is the man Virginia was talking about. The man she saw at the hospital. The man who hurt me. It was a long, long time ago. He must have hired Peter"

She read in silence. She read how Peter worked at the corrections facility, and how he met Noah. He talked about how Noah and he got close, and Noah hired him to kill her. He explained how by surveying Sharon he fell in love with her. And not the cute crush love, the kind where if Sharon had known she would have gotten a full on injunction. He talked about some of the things her and Brenda did, and how he fantasized that it was him. He talked about how he had snuck into Brenda's house and poisoned all of her sweets with aspirin, a simple and overlooked death. How he planned his murders just right to have them fall into Sharon's lap. He explained how he was framing Brenda for the murder of her co-worker to try and tear Sharon and Brenda apart. He went on about his hate for Brenda, and his distaste for Rusty. Envious of both. And then the entry from two days ago.

The man that had called Brenda was Peter. Sharon had told Peter she was with her girlfriend, and that set him off. His method of slow death didn't suit him any longer, and he wanted her gone. He wanted to be the only one in Sharon's life. And he would take out anyone else who got to be with her that was not him.

Sharon dropped the journal and looked over to the others who were looking for more evidence. "Stop!" she shouted. Their eyes looked at her. "I need to leave!" She exclaimed, and ran out of the cabin without further explanation.

The others followed suit, although they were confused as to what was happening.

"What's going on?" Provenza demanded.

"No time to explain right now," she stated as she got inside the car they. She started it, and turned on the rotation emergency light. "I want you, Sykes to go to pick up Rusty right now. Tao, Flynn, Sanchez; come with me."

They didn't question it as they got into the car. They quickly sped down the roads heading towards Sharon's house. She explained to them what she thought was going on. If she was right, Peter would be coming after Rusty. He could take him from school. Or, if he was following them, he would see that Rusty had been taken home by Gav for a while. If he knew that, he could be waiting for Rusty to get home. But Rusty wasn't there, Virginia was. When Sharon realized that, her fear was at its peak.

They rushed to her floor and found the door slightly open. She pulled out her gun from her holster and lifted it to shoulder level. She heard a crash followed by a familiar scream. Virginia was inside. Without caring about protocol she pushed open the door and ran into her house. She walked around the wall, heading into the kitchen.

Peter was standing over Virginia. Virginia was sitting back against the wall, with her hands wrapped around her sides. She was crying hysterically and rocking back and forth, as Peter's gun was pointed directly at her head.

"Peter, what are you doing?" Sharon asked calmly, though every bone in her body told her to shot him then and there. She knew Tao, Sanchez, and Flynn were directly behind her with their guns pointed at him.

"I found a way for us to be happy," he said, looking up to Sharon.

"I don't understand what you mean?" She tried to sound sweet. She swallowed the scream inside her.

"Noah wants you dead," he admitted. "But I don't. And I just found my way to do both." She took a deep breath in and moved closer to him as he cocked the gun. "Why don't you put down the gun, love?"

She knew she had already blown protocol, but she was not going to give in to him and break that sacred rule. "We both know that's not going to happen," she told him.

"Do you really love her more than me?" He questioned with sadness in his voice.

Sharon knew she had to play this sick game. "No, of course not. But I don't want her to be hurt."

"But that's the only way we can be together," he pointed out. She glanced at Virginia, and could see the terror in her. She wanted to hold her close and tell her it would be alright. But she could see Peter's plan in her mind.

"You want her dead so you have my body to show Noah," she stated.

"Now you're getting it."

"Peter, please don't do this. We can… go away. Somewhere where he can't find us," she said. All she could do was hope he would buy into it.

"Don't you understand, Sharon? He found you once, he'll find you again. This is the only way," he said calmly.

He smiled to her, that creepy smile she remembered seeing at the airport. Without warning, and still looking Sharon dead in the eyes, he fired his gun. Not giving it another thought, she fired hers. The bullet landed right between his eyes, causing him to fall backwards.

Worried, she looked down to Virginia, and cried out at what she saw. The bullet had hit her chest, right above her heart. Sharon ran to her sister, and fell to her knees. She sat beside Virginia and began applying pressure to the wound. She looked down to her sister's face, her eyes filled with pain.

"It's going to be okay, Vivi. Everything is going to be okay," she tried to use soothing words. "I'm right here. Stay with me, baby," she whispered. She watched Virginia's eyes close, and she reached up and tapped her face. "No, you have to stay with me," she repeated but got no response or struggle. She reached up and checked her sister's pulse. It was gone.

Sharon couldn't breathe. Tears streamed careless down her face, and she sobbed loudly. She cried and begged for Virginia to wake up, even though she wouldn't. She couldn't accept this, she wouldn't. Sharon was only a quarter of a person. Virginia was her other half, and Sharon had given what she could to Brenda. Now both were gone. Her whole world was crashing down for everyone to see, and she was left with next to nothing.

A/N: Yea, that last bit just kind of happened… It wasn't in my outline… I don't know why I wrote it in, but I did. Now you're stuck with it. Sorry if you hate me now. Thought it gave you a shit ton more angst too. But now it gives me another chapter to play around with between this one and the original outline…

But I tried not to give you guys toooo much of a cliff hanger this chapter.

Feedback is lovely


	14. Chapter 13

A/N: Prewarning: this chapter is kind of everywhere. This is back in Salt Lake at Virginia's funeral (yes, she's dead). But there is a lot of flash backs; a few from more recent times, but mostly memories of Sharon's youth and growing up in Salt Lake. I am only introducing a few more people cause it'd be too long if I did more. Also, the people in this one affected her life greatly, but aren't currently important and will just be in this chapter for the most part (maybe mentioned later on but that's it).

Chapter 13

Sharon stood in front of the large hole in the ground. Her daughter hand holding hers. She could hear multiple people crying as they lowered her sisters casket into the ground. All she could do was swallow harshly. She wouldn't cry; she refused to. She knew Virginia wouldn't want her to. Not only that, but she needed to be numb right now. Letting her walls down only led to damage. She couldn't afford any more damage. And she didn't want everyone to know how damaged she was. She didn't want her family to know how weak she was.

Noah wanted her broken, and that is exactly what he got. She wouldn't let him get that satisfaction. He would never know how bad he destroyed her.

_Sharon's heels clicked as they hit the cement floor. She pulled her blazer down, and cleared throat in an attempt to clear her nerves. She tried to rid her mind of the thoughts filling it; mostly her thoughts of her sisters pending funeral. All she wanted to do was put a bullet through his brain. _

_She turned the corner and saw him sitting in his cell looking smug and confident, until he saw her face. His face dropping made her feel slightly better. She nodded, queuing the guard to open the cell. She walked in, acting confident, and sat across from him._

"_Hello, Noah," she said calm. Her insides were shaking, but she maintained her demeanor. "It's been a long time."_

"_It has," he croaked. He was much older now, nearing his late 70's. His hair was grey, and he was hunched over. But he still looked very much like the man from all those years ago. "How have you been?" he asked coldly. _

"_Wonderful," she lied. She folded her hands on the table, and leaned in closer to Noah. "Though I can't say the same for you accomplice."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_You're plan failed; to have me killed. Peter fell in love with me, and turned against you-"_

"_-You're lying!" Noah exclaimed._

"_Am I? He wanted me all to himself. He didn't want me dead at all." Sharon smirked, portraying emotions that were false. "To bad neither of you will never get what you want. Peter is dead, and you're dying. You will die knowing you last will with never be followed through. I am still alive. And I know you wanted him to break me first, but I'm not."_

_She could see the rage in his face. His jaw was clenched tightly, and his face was turning red. She stood, knowing she had accomplished what she needed. Now she needed to get out as soon as possible before her fiaced began cracking._

"_Enjoy dying, Noah," she told him. She turned her lip up with disgust and walked out. _

_When she knew she was out of his line of vision she let go of the breath she had been holding in. Her hands started shaking. She faced one of her worst fears, facing him again. It didn't help with the closure she was looking for. In fact, it only made it worse. _

"Mom," Sharon heard Drystan and Caycee call out. Caycee tugged at her hand. She looked over to her daughter.

"Yea?" She asked. Caycee jutted her head forward. Sharon looked forward, seeing that everyone was looking at her. She had gotten so lost in her thoughts she missed the service.

Sharon nodded, realizing she had missed the serice. She pulled away from Caycee, and began heading away from the crowd. She felt a hand brush her shoulder lightly, and she turned to see that is was Rusty trying to briefly comfort her. She smiled lightly at his attempt, and proceeded forward.

She shook the Priest hand and thanked him. She turned towards the crowds, mostly holding members of her family. She couldn't look most of them in the eye. They blamed her for this, and Sharon couldn't deny the blame. She felt guilty for all of it.

"For those of you who would like to, there wake will be at Aunt Ellie's. You can follow the cars there," she addressed them. "But for now, I would like for my children and I to say our goodbyes." The crowd nodded and began disappearing.

Sharon walked back to her kids, and turned to Rusty. "You don't have to stay for this. You can head back if you'd like," she told him.

"I want to be here," he said. He grabbed her hand lightly, and she nodded.

"Okay," she whispered. They waited for everyone to be gone. Sharon knew there was a small window between now and when the person came to fill the grave.

Sharon moved closer to the grave. She swallowed the tears she had. She felt Caycee's hand wrap around hers again, and Rusty filled the other. Drystan stood beside Caycee holding her hand. She couldn't help but let a single tear roll down her cheek.

She closed her eyes, letting the wind carry her senses. It was all she could hear, and it was the only feeling she paid attention to. She wished she could be carried away with it, but she was bolted to the ground.

"It's not your fault," Drystan said out loud, all knowing it was directed to Sharon.

"No matter how much you think it is," Rusty added.

"And you don't need to keep punishing yourself," Caycee put in. Sharon could sense this was planned by the three of them, to talk to her. She let go their hands and brushed the tear off her cheek.

"Not right now," she muttered and turned away from them. She walked across the lawn heading back to her car. She could see Aibhilin standing by the Drystan's car waiting for him.

"Sharon?" She asked, seeing Sharon was crying. Something Sharon didn't realize she was doing.

"Not now, Abby, please. I just need to be alone." She pushed past the girl to get to her rental car. She jumped inside her car, slamming the door behind her.

She turned over the ignition, and drove away. She knew if she stayed that her children would chase after her. She drove down the road to the James Madison Park. After getting out of the car, she walked down to the Jordan Creek Trail, where she followed it all the way down to the spot she always and Virginia always went to when they were teenagers.

The spot had only been touched by weather. She walked down to the Creek, and sat in the bench her high school boyfriend had made her. Her head filled with so many memories.

She pulled in her jacket, feeling the cold wind of December brushing through the trees and over the creek. She sat down on the bench, and ran her hands along metal. She laughed slightly at how it sat at an angle. She closed her eyes, letting her mind drift to thought of the first time she sat on the bench.

"_Eagan, come on," Sharon instructed, skipping down the trail. She enjoyed the summer breeze. _

"_Seriously," he groaned. He pulled the cart further down using only a rope to pull the cart by. _

"_If you're going to take so long, I'm just sit," she said snarky. She pulled herself onto the cart and sat on the bench._

"_Oh, come on," he said dropping the rope. "It's not that much further."_

"_What you can't pull me?" She tested. She lifted her eyebrow testing him. He huffed, and picked the rope back up. They began moving again, but now much slower. She smirked contently, watching him._

_When they reached large patch of grass that directed them to their desired location, Sharon hopped off the cart. She walked over to Eagan. She kissed him lightly, then turned to help him pull the wagon through the grass. Once they got past the trees, they pulled the bench off the cart and moved it about five feet from the creek. He pulled the shovel and concrete off the cart, and began digging holes for the bench._

_Sharon smiled and took off her shoes. She pulled up her calf length skirt her aunt made her wear and stepped into the creek. Eagan handed her a bucket to start making the cement. _

"_Thank you for doing this for Vivi, I know she'll like it," Sharon told him as he worked. _

"_You don't need to thank me, I'm happy to do this," he returned. She had explained the location to him. How their mother use to take them here, and after their mothers death they didn't have much left of her. This place was one of those things._

_She smiled lightly, and began started making the cement. She had never been out here at night, and thought it was even more beautiful. The way the moon reflected off the water, giving them enough light to see without using their flashlights._

"_You know," he added, calling her attention, "I'm surprised you wanted to do this in the first place?"_

"_Why?"_

"_We can get in a lot of trouble for this," he pointed out. She stopped what she was doing and turned to him._

"_Can we?"_

"_Yea, why did you I think I suggested we do it at night when not many people would be around."_

"_Oh," she got out. "How much trouble could we get in?" She wondered._

"_I don't think too much. This place needs a bench anyway." Sharon smirked. _

_They worked in silence. Sharon began filling the holes in the ground with the concrete. She helped Eagan set the bench into it. They stood back and looked at the work they did. _

"_It's crooked," Eagan said sadly. _

"_It looks fine," she encouraged him. She turned to look at him._

"_What?"_

"_The tides low," she said subtly._

"_So?"_

_She grabbed his hand, and bit her lip. "Care for summer night swim?"_

_His face fell slightly. "Really?"_

_She shrugged slightly. "Yea." She pulled her skirt down, and threw off her over shirt leaving her undershirt on. She smiled and stepped into the water until it came to her stomach. "You going me, or did I make a fool myself?"_

_He shook his head, and stripped down to his boxers. He got in and closer to her. She dived into the water, abandoning him. When she surfaced she was a few feet from him. He laughed, and dove in. He swam over to her, and grabbed her hips before resurfacing. When they looked at each other they were smiling foolishly. It was exactly what they were, fools. _

_He kissed her softly. She was the only boy she'd ever kissed, and she loved kissing him. He made her want to break all the rules; which was why her Aunt Ellie and father couldn't stand him. It only fed the fuel of wanting him more. She needed the rules for Vivi, but she hated them. Even though she hated them, she followed them religiously for her sister. But Eagan was her secret, the one rule she loved breaking. _

_She pulled away from him. "Eagan, I'm ready," she whispered. He looked at her cautiously. _

"_Are you sure?" He asked. She nodded, and kissed him gently again. He was only three months out of graduation, and she wanted to be with him until then. She knew it was stupid to believe they'd continue dating once he left, and didn't try to tell herself different. She was a realist. But she wanted him to be her first, and she wanted to be his. Sure she would get into enormous trouble if anyone had found out, but she trusted him that no one would. She had thought about this for months, but never thought she'd follow through with the idea. She was only doing so now because she was already breaking the rules, what was one more? _

_He grabbed her hand, and pulled them out of the water. He led them to the bench, without either of them thinking of how it wasn't settled yet. She pulled her shirt off and smiled weakly at him, feeling self-conscious. He kissed her shoulder, not knowing what else to do. Carefully, she lifted her hips to pull her underwear down. She turned to him, and lay down awkwardly on the bench. _

_He pulled himself over her after pulling off his own boxers. He leaned down on top of her, and adjusted himself._

"_Wrong," Sharon muttered slightly, almost disappointed. She reached down to help him. She pulled herself back up, and looked at him. She rubbed her lips together nervously. _

"_Ready?" He asked. She could hear he was scared to. She nodded slowly, and looked at him with worried eyes. Slowly he pushed, and she gasped in pain. He instantly stopped. "Are you okay?"_

"_It hurts," she told him. She shifted uncomfortably._

"_Sho-should I stop?" He wondered, not wanting to hurt her. _

"_No," she told him shaking her head. He continued slowly._

_It took a few more seconds for the pain to stop, and by then he had finished. She wrapped her arm around the back of his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. He pulled away from her, though she protested. He looked embarrassed and got off the bench. He put his clothes back on. He wouldn't look at her. _

_She sat up and looked at him. "What's wrong?" She asked, worried._

"_I'm sorry, Sharon, we shouldn't have done this," he said, still not looking at her. She stood and walked over to him. She gripped his face, making her look at her. He eyes traveled down her body and turned away again. She wrapped her arms around her stomach, feeling almost mortified. "You're not attracted to me," she stated._

"_I… I want to be," he told her. "I'm gay," he said finally looking at her on his own will. Her jaw dropped._

"_You decided to me this after you just took my virginity?!" she yelled. She grabbed her clothes and put them on quickly. "Way to make a girl feel special." She began walking away, but he grabbed her arm._

"_Sharon, listen to me, I didn't want to admit it to myself! I thought maybe if I had sex with you I could… Get over it. You have no idea how much I wanted to enjoy myself, and how much I do love you," he told her. "I love you so much, Sharon… And I wish I was the man you thought I was."_

_She sighed and relaxed. "You're still the man I love," she informed him. "This doesn't make me love you any less. I want to say I don't care, but it hurts. It hurts because I love you and want to be with you."_

_He pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention."_

"_I know," she muttered. She looked at him, feeling bad for her reaction even if it was just. She couldn't imagine being in his position. And though she was upset about how he used her like this, she understood his need to know. She knew that internal battle and what it felt like. Being attracted to the same sex, and not knowing how to react to it. She caressed his back and pulled away. _

"_If it makes you feel better, I'm bi," she admitted. She had never actually said it out loud. She knew it was true. She couldn't deny the feelings she had towards women, and she knew she felt towards men now to. In an odd sense she had done this not only for her love for him. But doing this made her want him more, and she was hurt to know he didn't want her. _

_His eyes got wide. "Are you really?"_

_She nodded, and gave weary smile. "We're a pair aren't we?" He laughed slightly, and she laughed with him._

She heard footsteps coming from behind her and she turned. "Eagan?" She asked, not knowing for sure she was correct. She hadn't seen him since she was 16.

"Hello, Sharon," he said with a small smile. "I thought I might find you out here."

"How did you even know I was in town?"

"Virginia's death was in the paper," he explained. "I wanted to come and give my condolences, but you weren't at the wake."

"I can't face all of them. Not when they all blame me."

He walked up to her, and sat beside her. She shifted uneasily, remembering the last time they were on this bench. She tried not to let her mind find the worse thoughts of the last time she saw Eagan.

"No one blames you," he told her.

"Tell that to Aunt Ellie," she said. She looked at him, and saw the young boy sitting beside her in his pick-up truck crying. She forced the memory to the back of her mind. "We should go.

*.*.*.*

Sharon sat at the table talking to Jackson, Rusty, Caycee, Drystan, and Abby. She was glad Jackson was here. No matter how things ended between them they remained on good terms for their kids. Jackson was close to Virginia and was just as hurt by her death as the rest of them. As much as Sharon hated Jackson sometimes, she needed him now. It made her feel less alone.

"Sharon," she heard her name being called. She turned and saw her aunt standing in the doorway. The woman was in her late 80's with grey hair, and a hunched back.

"Yes?" Sharon responded.

"Can I talk to you?"

Sharon swallowed, and walked over to her aunt. She followed Ellie to the back patio where Ellie sat on the chair, and looked over to her niece. Her face was long and saddened. She looked out to the lawn with a frown.

"Do you remember after your mother died and you guess stayed here for a while?" Ellie asked. Sharon nodded softly. She let her eyes close and could almost see it. She could hear their laughter as their Grandmother played with them so they forgot the pain. "I was so scared of everything. I was scared for your father, I was scared for Vivi, and I was scared for you having to live with all that burden. But you turned out better than I expected.

"It was why I was so harsh on you and Vivi, I just wanted you to both reach your full potential. And you both did. And I know I've never said this, but I am proud of you," Ellie said with a small smile. Sharon looked at her aunt directly in the eye.

Ellie was never this open hearted or kind. She had almost always disapproved of Sharon's life choices; who she was dating, her sexuality, moving to LA, helping Vivi move to Seattle, marrying Jackson, and so on. Ellie had always been hard on the two of them, and acted more like a parent than their father had. She always hated her aunt, though didn't dare say it and thought she could do no right in her eyes. And now, after all these years, was she saying how proud of her.

"I'm sorry," Ellie added. Sharon had never heard her aunt say that either. "It's not your fault what happened."

"You don't really think that," Sharon returned. Ellie sighed.

"I do to an extent. You were blindsided by Vivi showing up in the first place, she shouldn't have been there." Ellie placed her hand on Sharon's knee. "I know you would never ever have put your sister in harms way. And I know you did everything you could to save her."

Sharon looked away from her aunt and out to the large tree in the backyard. "I did, but it didn't save her. And because of me," she trailed off to refrain from crying, "because of me she was killed."

Sharon let out a shaky breath and stood. She walked over to the tree. Her fingers ran against it, and she sat down on the grass next to the garden. She moved the rock and showed a stain that hadn't gone away over all the years, thought it was severely faded now.

"_Vivi, that's not fair," Sharon called out as she chased the teenage girl. "Give it back!" Vivi pulled her hand up high, and ran out to the backyard. _

"_You shouldn't have it in the first place!" Vivi explained. She lifted the bottle higher. "Daddy said we can't colour our hair and you're breaking the rules!"_

"_It's two shades darker! He won't notice!" Sharon yelled. _

"_Rules are rules!" Vivi exclaimed. _

_Sharon sprang forward after the hair dye. She grabbed a hold of it, but Vivi pulled back. Sharon's hand slipped and yanked off the lid and Vivi fell backwards, spilling the contents all over both of them and their aunts garden. Vivi landed in the garden, killing Ellie's tulips, and the dye hit the brick wall. Sharon gasped and rushed over to help her sister up._

_They had tried to clean themselves off before their dad arrived to pick them up or before their aunt got home, which ever was first. But neither could fully was the dye off their skin and looked spotted. They had forgot that the wall had been covered with it. _

_Once their father came to pick them up the Sharon's roots were dyed, and he could see the spots. She knew Vivi wouldn't be able to lie, and she didn't. They were both grounded for two weeks, until it was found that they had dyed the wall then it went to a month._

Looking back she remembered being so upset with Virginia about that. When she was younger she just thought if Virginia hadn't seen it, she probably wouldn't have noticed it either. She didn't talk to Virginia all but once the whole time she was grounded. But now, it all seemed foolish. She would trade that month for anything. She wished she had told Virginia why she was having such a hard time, why she rebelled that year of her life. She wished she had her sister to tell. She wondered if maybe she could tell Brenda when she woke up.

She smiled lightly at the thought. She may have lost Virginia, but she still had Brenda. Then she frowned again. No one had the slightest clue when Brenda would wake up, or the state she would be in once she did.

Sharon stood, and walked past some of her cousins. After greeting them briefly and hearing their condolences, she moved back inside. She walked upstairs to the study and looked through the selves. She pulled out an old photo book, and began flipping through the pages. Her fingers traced over the ones that had her sister in them. Let the memories of most fill her. She stopped at one, and looked at it.

It was a picture of her and Virginia Christmas a few years ago, the last time she had been there. They were both smiling at the camera, glad to see each other. It was the one thing she could always count on every year. Seeing Vivi made things alright. She should have known something was wrong this time around.

_Sharon leaned against the door panel, her hands drumming against the wall behind her. She rested her head back, and looked over to the clock in the kitchen. _

"_Mom, they'll be here shorty," Drystan told her, trying to calm her. She looked at him and smiled. _

"_I know, I just can't help but worry," she said. He laughed, and pulled her away from door._

"_Don't worry. They're fine. She can be fine without you," he reminded her._

"_But I feel she is safest with me." She knew the thought the greedy, but she knew it was true._

_Drystan exhaled. "Come on," He grabbed her hand, and pulled her out of the hallway and dragged her into the living room. She looked across the room at her family, all her happy joyous family in front of her. All gathered sharing stories of their years past adventures, most joined in their stories. She heard her cousins grandchildren playing in the next room over and couldn't help but smile at their the sound of all the laughter._

_Living alone she always forgot what it was like to be surrounded by so many people she cared about. Surrounded by such life and love. She was use to the could emptiness of her home, or her life for that matter. She had grown use to surprising it all down, only allowing this side of herself out once a year. But it wasn't complete yet, not without Vivi and Caycee. _

_Andy looked over to her, smiling. She crossed over to her and wrapped her arms around the older woman smiling wildly. Sharon couldn't help but smile in her presence. The woman was always radiating the room, warming those around her. She couldn't blame her son for falling in love with such a woman, no matter how their relationship surprised her. _

_He had gone to Dublin as a foreign exchange student, to further his learning's about their family heritage and ancestors. He was only supposed to be gone to 8 weeks during the summer, and stayed for his first semester for her. At first she was livid, but Jackson had signed the forms allowing him to. When he returned, he was head over heels in love. As soon as Abby had reached 18 she moved out to be with him, and they had been in separable since._

_Sharon pulled away from the girl when she heard cheering from the front door at the excitement of a new arrival. _

"_Nollaig shona dhaoibh!" She heard Ellie call out down the hall giving a Christmas wish to Caycee and Vivi. While they were strong in their belief, tradition of their ancestors had passed down of some Gaelic traits. _

_The two women returned the blessing as Sharon walked down into the hall. She saw her daughter, and gave her a quick hug._

"_Merry Christmas," she told her, then turned to her sister. "Happy Christmas," pulling her sister into a tight hug._

"_Nollaig shona dhuit, Shi," Vivi returned. _

"_Aw, you guys are matching!" Caycee pointed out as they took off their coats. Sharon looked Vivi's outfit, and laughed because their outfit were very similar. Both were wearing dark blue jeans, with a black under shirt and a red cardigan over it. "We have to get a picture of this!" _

"_Can we eat first?" They heard Ellie asked. "We've been waiting on you two before we ate."_

Sharon was pulled from the memory by a knock on the door. She looked up to see Caycee standing in the doorway. She smiled lightly, and gestured her to come in. Caycee crossed over to her mother and Sharon handed her the photo album.

"Do you remember this day?" Sharon asked.

Caycee smiled. "Yea that was the night you got Aunt Vivi to walk around the house singing Rudolf with you and Abby. I think that was the only time anyone had ever heard either of you singing."

"That night was so much fun," Sharon reminisced.

"That was also the year Drystan's proposed to Abby," Caycee reminded her.

"It was, wasn't it.

"Yea," Caycee looked up at her mother. She could see all the repressed pain in her eyes. Sharon was good at lying and keeping her emotions deep within; but Caycee had always been able to see through it. Not many could see her like an open book, but Caycee knew all the small signs. Part of it was, was that they were practically the same person with the same thought process and ideas. "Mom, I'm worried about you."

Sharon looked up to her daughter. "Don't be."

Caycee smiled lightly. "I can't help it, you're my mom." Sharon smirked back. "Question, how, uh, how would you feel about me coming back to LA?"

Sharon's expression dropped slightly. "But what about school?"

"The semester is almost over, and… I don't feel right without Aunt Vivi there. And I want to be closer to you."

"If it's what you want," she said with a still unconvinced tone.

"Do you want there?" She questioned.

"Of course I want you there! I just don't want you to give up your dreams because of me."

"I'm not, Mom. I'm not happy there in the first place. She wanted to be independent, so I stayed because I knew you wouldn't want her that far away alone," Caycee explained. Sharon reached out for her daughters hand, with a look of relief.

*.*.*.*.*

"I really hate wakes," Sharon mumbled to Eagan, who was still present for an unknown reason. He looked over at her with drawn in eyebrows. He rubbed his scruffy chin.

"Why?" He wondered, leaning in closer to hear the story.

"They force you to mourn in public, and it's idiotic. I mean, I can understand in front of your family, or a loved one, something like that; I do not understand having to do it in front of every single person she has ever known." Sharon arched her aching back slightly against the couch. "You know I'm not one on displaying emotions, and pretending to be fine is worse right now."

He reached over and brushed his hand over her shoulder slightly. "I know this must be really hard on you." She nodded, and tried to keep her mind on the present. "But I know you. You've lost so much in your life, and you're so strong."

"Not everything that I lost was my fault," she quipped. He sighed, knowing exactly what she had been referring to.

"I know it wasn't."

_Sharon looked across to the drivers side at Eagan. His eyes lost and confused. She could tell he was trying not to cry._

"_For God's sake, say something," she whispered feeling discouraged._

_He looked at her finally, and away from his steering column. He blink a few times, and lossened the grip he had on his wheel. Her hands shook with nerves and overwhelming sadness. Sadness she hadn't felt since her mothers death._

"_I guess… I guess the problem took care of itself," he muttered. _

"_The problem took care of itself!?" She looked at him in absolute horror now. "I cannot believe you! Do you have any decency at all!? You fuck me, then tell me you're gay! You get me pregnant and tell you can't stay! That you are still going to college, because you didn't want a baby to ruin your life! And now I tell you I lost the baby because my body regretted it! That I had to make the doctors promise to lie to my family about it! And ALL you can say is 'the problem took care of itself!?' I know I wouldn't keep this child, but god, Eagan! Did ever even care about me at all?!" _

"_No, Sharon, that's not what I meant," he said, reaching out for her._

"_Don't touch me! I get that we weren't forever! I knew that when I was stupid enough to sleep with you! But I at least thought you cared!" She yelled. She could see he was crying, and that this did impact him, but anger boiled inside of her. _

_She quickly got out of his truck, and ran into the house. She hoped to be able to run upstairs before anyone say her. _

"_Sharon, is that you?" She heard her father call out from the dining room. She cursed at herself for not being quieter and realizing he would be in there doing his paper work. _

"_Yes, Daddy," she called. Her voice shook from crying. She turned on the staircase._

"_Come here, please," he requested. She groaned under her breath, and descended back down the stairs. She made her way into the dining room, and looked across the room to see her father at the other end of the long table. _

_She hated this feeling. This distance he put between himself and his children. She would never do that, or at least she didn't think she could. She would protect them from the monsters and demons of the world. Whereas her father only gave her more._

"_Yes?" she asked._

"_Yes, what?"_

"_Yes, Daddy?" she corrected herself. _

"_First, can you top off my glass," he asked of her. She reached over to the glass bottle of burden and walked it across the room. She pour his glass half full, and set the bottle within his arms reach knowing he would consume more before he was done._

"_Second?" She wondered._

"_It's your sister. She throwing a fit again, can't figure out why. Don't really care why. Go fix it,," he instructed._

"_You know, if you treated her like a human being, maybe she'd be more responsive to you," she said as she began walking out of the room._

"_What was that?" He demanded. He walked over to her._

_She turned to him, instantly regretting her words. "What I meant is if you took the time to try and figure out what was wrong with her, maybe she would be more lax with you."_

"_She's not my worry," he told her._

"_She's your daughter. I'm your daughter. You really don't care?!"_

"_As long as you follow the rules," he reminded her. "Which Vivi does seem to do better than you."_

"_Because you structured her that way. You blamed her f_or everything!"

"_Cause she is to blame! My wife would still be alive if it weren't for her!"_

"_My mother was depressed, and you didn't want to see it. It didn't fit into your square! Your American Dream! Just like you refuse to see anything that goes on in this house as long as it follows suit! She killed herself because she was unhappy! You really think Vivi was the only reason she was unhappy! No, because you won't pull your head off the bottle long enough for even a breath of clarity on that, or anything about your damn children!"_

_He slapped her quickly across the face, and she gazed at him. He had never slapped her before, and he had never done it again after this. But it was enough to build a steady portion of her wall, all of the day's events were. From this day she swore to herself to not let her walls come down, because even now, with Eagan, she could see it only caused her heart destruction._

She wished more than anything she had stayed true to that vow. As soon as she started befriending Brenda, her walls began falling. And then during the whirl wind of their relationship the rest crashed down. And here she was, with another death on her hands.

"Was your life everything you wanted it to be?" She asked, snapping back to reality.

He sighed, defeated. "Sharon, please don't go into this."

"It was just a question," she said simply.

He dropped his shoulders. "It was. I met someone in college, and he and I are still together today. We adopted and now are blessed with three grandchildren. I even got my dream job." He touched her knee. "And you?"

She looked at his with teary eyes. "My sister is dead. The woman I love more than anything is in a coma. And I'm all alone. I hardly ever see my kids because they live in different states. Though, I'm glad one is moving back to LA."

"What about that Rusty kid? He looks young enough to still live with you."

"He does, but he has his own life. When I see him, it's because he has stopped by work or late at night." She shook her head. "Do ever wonder how different our lives would be?"

He nodded. "All the time. Sharon, don't live in the past."

"40 years I have suppressed the past. Everything. I became almost a completely different person. But everything, all of those secrets, all of that pain is crashing down. I am flooded by memories and they wont stop. Everything with my mother. Everything with Vivi. And you… And that day… And all because of the one thing I suppressed the most, that night at the university." She shook her head. "I can't stop them… I wish I could. I hate the past." She covered her face, forcing down the tears that threatened her again. "My past has destroyed my future, and I have to face it now. All of it. That includes you."

"I never meant what I said."

"I know you didn't, I was just so angry and confused. And then I forced back, just like everything else. Maybe that is how I am supposed to live."

"I don't think so. I just think it was an accumulation of bad events."

"And that doesn't seem divine to you?"

"Perhaps it is," he shrugged. "But sheltering yourself doesn't help either. You can let them stay down and love like I know you can. Or build them back up and shut everyone out and be alone."

She squinted slightly. "Why are you still here, anyway?" she finally asked.

"Oh, my gas is leaking, and I have to wait for a ride."

"Ah," she added with a slight bob to her head. She stood. "I hope your ride is here soon."

"Are you leaving?"

"Yea," she told him. "I hate most of these people anyway." She walked over to Drystan and Rusty. "I am going to head back to your place, Drystan. Rusty, if you want to come back you can. You don't have to stay here."

"I can come with you," he said. None of them wanted to leave her alone right now, even if she felt alone anyway.

In the car, it was filled with an awkward silence. Sharon glanced over to Rusty, and when she was caught, she looked back to the road ahead of her.

"What?" He asked.

"I…" She began, thinking of how she wanted to word the question. "I was wondering how you and Gave were? We hadn't talked about it at all."

"We're good," Rusty said. He shifted in his seat, knowing there was more to come. Sharon wouldn't have brought it up just for that question. No, there was something else behind it. "Why?" He pushed the conversation along.

"Just wanted to know," she answered. He lifted his right eyebrow. "What? I am aloud to wonder those things, aren't I?"

"Yeah, you are. But you usually lead into something else," he explained. Sharon looked at him, and squinted lightly. Then she smirked, proud that he had caught on to her trick.

"Alright, you caught me," she confirmed. "I guess, where that was going was, are you two being… safe?"

Rusty's jaw dropped as he gawked at the woman. "You mean, like safe sex?!" he exclaimed, horrified at the question. Sharon nodded slightly, keeping her eyes on the road. "Look, Sharon, you're cool and all, but I am not talking to you about my sex life. That will never happen," he fought.

"As much as I don't want to hear about it, I need some form of affirmation that you're at least being smart about it. I know you have been tested at the doctors for STD's, but they don't always show until months or years later. I think it would be wise to wait for another test before going into that part of your relationship, if you intend to go there. And I think you should wait until he has come out to his family, because keeping a relationship a secret is difficult."

"I know, but it's different than anything you've gone through. Thanks for the advice, but I know what I am doing."

"Rusty, I just want you to be safe. I don't want you to be put in a position like that again at such a young age. I don't want you falling back into your old ways, and leaving. Sex for a teenager changes everything. You may think you want it, but you could be very wrong. And Gav has never been with a woman or a man. He may think he is into you like that, but after it could-" she cut off, realizing how similar this case actually was to her own, though it was vastly different.

"It could what?"

"It could ruin you friendship, your relationship, and the way he see's you… Hell, the way you see yourself. Have you ever been with someone you love before?" Rusty crossed his arms over his chest, and sunk into the seat. Sharon nodded, knowing the answer. "Having sex, and making love are to completely different things. And if it goes wrong, everything feels like it's gone wrong. I just want you to be careful, and really think this through."

"We haven't had sex yet," he told her. "He is scared if his dad finds out."

"I know it's hard to control those urges, but I think it's best. Take it slow, let it bloom. It will be so much better if you do," she said. "Know what you both want, and that it's safe and in the clear, before you do it. Otherwise it burns out, and your left with a confusing mess of love and conflict. Love isn't meant to be complicated. It doesn't have reason, but sometimes it needs to." She looked at him. "You don't want to end up like me. So much in love with nothing to show for it. If Brenda and I had taken it slow, perhaps things would have been sorted out before delving into that part of our relationship. Perhaps Peter wouldn't have gone after her and she would be here with me…" Sharon shook her head, letting her mouth to stop flowing freely the words in her head.

Rusty's heart sunk and wanted to reach out for the woman. He couldn't imagine what she was going through. The loss of her sister. The love of her life in a coma. He heard her crying herself to sleep at night, and there was nothing he could do to help. But he looked up to her, and this only made her more of a hero to him. But he didn't want her to see his sympathy, knowing it would make her feel worse. He decided to set Gav aside for a bit and help this woman who helped him time and time again without having to be asked. He hadn't even thought of having sex with Gav, he had been to focused and worried about Sharon.

She was trying so hard to keep this facade for strength up for her kids and Rusty, but he knew better than that. And so did Caycee and Drystan. And he was glad Caycee had decided to move back to LA. He thought it would be good for her. And he liked her enough for it not to bother him. He just hoped that she would be okay. Not this fake okay, but truly happy again like she was in New York. He didn't think that would happen until Brenda woke up though.

It was another ten minutes before they reached Drystan and Abby's house. Sharon set her bag on the dining room table, and turned to Rusty.

"I'm going to lay down for a bit," she informed Rusty. He watched her walk away with worry in his expression.

She knew he was worried, she knew they all were. But she wasn't okay yet, and she wasn't sure how long it would be till she was again. She had never suffered a loss this deep, because she couldn't remember her mother that well.

She laid across the bed, curled into the pillow, and prayed. Prayed that Eagan was right, and that by leaving her wall down some good would come.

But the good she wanted was States away and oblivious to all her surroundings. The one thing she wanted most, she still couldn't have. She wished she could embrace Brenda, and have the woman tell her that everything was all right because she was here. But she wasn't.

A/N: Sorry for the wait, I have just had a lot of shit going on again… Plus, because I didn't intend Vivi's death when I originally wrote the outline, this chapter was not prepared at all so I had to find some sort of direction for it (though there still isn't much of one). This is just kind of a filler.. Just things from her past mostly. Plus, I promised Jazmyne a conversation between Rusty and Sharon about Gav.

It's kind of all over the place. Most of this was written between 1am-4am after pulling school and long shifts (and being sick)… You guys get stuck with this shitty random chapter that took forever to write… The next one is mapped out more so it should come out faster and smoother (hopefully) than this one did.

Also, I don't know if your edits took Tricia. GoogleDrive was down, so I had to open it in word and it didn't show if it had changes or not… So, if it didn't… sorry for the shit load of errors.


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Sharon entered the hospital room, earning a sad but hopeful gaze from Charlie. Charlie nodded, knowing this routine all too well. Ever since coming back from Salt Lake, Sharon and Charlie would alternate days they would come and see Brenda. This hospital had become a second home from both Sharon and Charlie.

Every so often one of the squad members would stop by and visit, but it was rare due to Sharon's now compact schedule. She needed someone in the unit constantly updating her, so she didn't fall behind. Rusty also came often. Sharon had realized that while Caycee and Rusty were growing closer, but was surprised to find out Charlie had moved in with Caycee. As surprised as she was, she was glad to see that Charlie now had a friend here.

So much had happened in the three months that Brenda had been comatose. Sharon had convinced Fritz to sign the divorce papers. She had heard rumor that he was back in AA, which made her feel better. Him hitting rock bottom was what it took, and she knew that. Caycee had gotten an internship at LAPD Homicide as a shadow to the forensic physiologist. Gav and Rusty were going strong, though she knew they were still keeping their relationship a secret. Everyone's life seemed to move forward while she was stuck on pause. She had tried to be normal, but there was no normal left for her.

Andy had been so kind and often covered for her when she came to the hospital. He would check on her to make sure she was eating and sleeping, although she didn't do enough of either. She knew he loved her in some sense, and that is why he was so willing to take care of her. And he did it without being asked or requested to. It killed her to know this, because he deserved better..

"Any news?" She asked Charlie. Charlie stood yawning, and threw her jacket over her shoulders.

"They ran some new tests. They are worried about the pinched nerve in her spine."

"Do they know if it's going to paralyze her?" She wondered. She had discussed the possibility with Brenda's doctor the days before. She had mentally prepared herself for that answer.

"They think it may temporary," Charlie answered. "They won't know for sure until she wakes up."

She looked down at Brenda as Charlie collected her homework she had been doing. Sharon moved over to the bed, and gripped Brenda's hand. She felts Charlie's hand brush across her upper arm. With her free hand, she held onto Charlie's. She had also grown very close to Charlie during all of this.

"She is going to wake up," the younger woman said. Sharon gave a weak smile and nodded.

"Goodnight, Charlie."

"'Night, Sharon."

Then Sharon was left in the room with Brenda. She sat down on the bed, beside Brenda. She ran her fingers along the features of Brenda's face. She leaned down and kissed her forehead lightly.

"Please, come back to me," she whispered. She waited for a moment, and then sighed after getting no response. She didn't know why she did this every time she was alone with Brenda, but she did. She prayed that one time it would work.

She pulled herself off the bed, and moved over to the sink. She filled a bucket with warm water, and grabbed a rag. She crossed back to Brenda and pulled her blanket down. She knew no one was down this wing this late at night, so she didn't bother shutting the blinds as she pulled off Brenda's hospital gown. Carefully she began washing her with the damp cloth. She had grown used to this as well, knowing the doctors would sometimes forget for a day. She didn't mind it, though, because that meant she could be close to Brenda.

After bathing the woman, Sharon didn't bother putting on a new hospital gown. She knew a new one was coming in the morning, and didn't want to put a dirty one on her. She decided to cover her with a new blanket instead. She was, also, too tired to hunt some poor or orderly down this late. She then sat in the chair that had worn down perfectly for her comfort and pulled out the book she had been reading. She reached out for Brenda's hand, and began reading where she had left off. Before she knew it she had fallen asleep with her head rested on the hospital bed.

*.*.*.*.*

Brenda opened her eyes with great effort, and took in her surroundings. She was in a hospital that was painted with tan and deep red walls. She knew it was late because the blinds were closed and the only light was the dim lamp beside her. She tried to move her hands to wipe her eyes, but noticed her right one was being held. She looked down to see Captain Raydor asleep beside her.

Her head and upper torso were the only thing on the bed, the rest of her was in the chair beside the bed. Her brown hair was fanned out underneath her. Her glasses were askew on her face, and her mouth hung open. She was snoring softly. She looked like as though she hadn't much sleep for quite some time. Brenda's gaze fell upon their entangled hands. Her eyes traveled up her arm, and to the blanket covering her. Then it hit her that she was only wearing the blanket. She gasped loudly causing the brunette's eyes to spring open.

The woman's face lit up, and her mouth formed a large smile. Her eyes were sparkling with glee and love. She swooped upward and pulled Brenda in to a suffocating close and uncharacteristic embrace. Brenda gasped at the unexpected contact, and pushed Sharon away.

"Captain Raydor!" she exclaimed, surprised. Sharon pulled back, knowing Brenda probably had unanswered questions. Brenda quickly scrambled and pulled back up the blanket that had fallen. She sat silently for a moment. "Could you get me some clothes?"

Sharon yawned slightly and looked down at her watch. "Its 4 am, there's no one down here really," Sharon explained. She stood and walked over to the robe she had discarded earlier. "There is this, but it's dirty. It's why you weren't wearing anything, I didn't want to put you back into something dirty."

"You gave me a bath?" Brenda asked, almost horrified.

"Yes," Sharon looked away from Brenda. "The doctors would sometimes forget to order you one," she explained. "You told me you like taking them every day, so..." she trailed off.

Brenda squinted her eyes trying to remember when she told her that, or a possible situation in which that conversation would even arise, but she came up blanket. Her decision instead rested on her next question.

"How long have I been in here?" she asked.

"Just over three months, you fell into a coma," Sharon explained. She crossed back over to Brenda and handed the dirty gown back to her. "I'll try and get you one as soon as I can."

"Thank you. How did it happen?"

"A car accident," she replied.

"I was in a car accident?" Brenda questioned. She know tried to extract the memory of the last time she was in a car, but to no avail.

"It wasn't an accident, the man purposely hit you," she elaborated.

"Why?"

"To get to me."

Brenda squinted not understanding. She wanted to ask why again, but held it back. "Brenda, there is something I have to ask you... can you feel your legs?"

Brenda felt a pang of anxiety. She tried to moved, she reached down to touch them. She felt nothing. She looked at Sharon and shook her head, overcome with fear. "Why can't I move my legs?!" she demanded.

"It's okay, Brenda. The doctors found a pinched nerve on your spine that is pretty bad; they weren't sure how bad though... not until you woke up."

"I'm paralyzed?" she asked, almost crying on the words

"Temporarily, I'm not sure of all the specifics yet," Sharon tried to explain. Brenda was clearly frantic and confused.

"Where's Fritz?" Brenda now questioned looking around the room.

"Agent Howard won't be here," Sharon said cautiously, feeling a pinging at her heart. This didn't feel right.

"Why?" She asked. Her mind ran over possibilities, and she gasped. Her hand flew over her mouth. "He isn't dead is he?"

Sharon's jaw went slack and she shook her head. She closed her eye praying what she thought wasn't true. "No, he's not dead... Brenda, you're divorced."

Brenda looked at her as though that was worse news. "What?! Why?!"

"Brenda, wh-"

"-Stop calling me Brenda. You are my subordinate officer and you will address me as such."

Sharon's back hunched and she looked at Brenda with such worry. "Br-" she began, but stumbled. "Mrs... Johnson, what is the last memory you have of me?" she asked.

Brenda growled at the clear dismissal of her rank. But she tried to remember, but it was all so hazy. "Uh, I was wearing my red dress... We were talking in my office about something. I can't remember what. But your hair was down, with that little bit in the front pinned up..." she shook her head, trying to remember more. "I think it was about my interview for Chief of Police." Sharon's hand flew over mouth, recalling the day clearly. Her eyes began to water, and she looked away from Brenda. "What?"

"That was almost 4 years ago," Sharon explained.

"I lost 4 years?" Sharon looked back to Brenda, and was now visibly crying. "Why are you crying? It's not like you just lost four years of your life."

"I-" Sharon tried but was cut off by a soft sob. She cleared her throat and tried to restrain herself. "I need a minute."

"But I have questions," Brenda tried, not wanting to be alone. And she did have questions, hundreds of them.

"Please, Brenda, I just need to think."

Without waiting for Brenda's response she left the hospital room with only her wallet in hand and headed downstairs to her car. She tried to control herself the whole way, but found it extremely hard to do so. She reached her car, and realized she had forgotten her keys.

"Are you kidding me?!" she exclaimed kicking the side of the car. She huffed loudly and leaned back against her car. She pulled out her cigarette case from inside her wallet and her matches. Quickly she lit one, and took a deep breath. She knew she needed to quit again, or at least slow down. She was now on a pack a day and she hated it.

She dragged her phone from her pocket and punched in the only number she could think to call this time of night.

After four rings, she heard the line pick up. "Captain? Is everything alright?" Andy's voice came through. She hesitated, regretting the call.

"I'm sorry, Lieutenant, I shouldn't have called. Go back to sleep," she apologized.

"Wait," he called out, "you called at 4am, something happened."

"I..." she stopped unable to speak the truth. "Is it too much for you to come down to the hospital... Brenda is awake, and I've already woken you."

"Brenda's awake?" he asked, stunned.

"Yea, and I just need someone here. Please?" she begged. She felt more alone right now than ever. Even with Vivi gone she had the hope of Brenda waking up and being there with her. But now, with Brenda's memory gone, she was alone. She couldn't explain what had happened to Brenda, couldn't tell her what had happened to Vivi... not without going into everything else.

"I'll be down shortly," he told her. He could hear the pain in her voice and knew something was wrong.

"Alright. I am in the parking lot."

"I'll meet you there. Bye, Sharon." He addressed her by her first name, making her smile slightly.

"Goodbye, Lieutenant.," she hung up and dropped her phone back in her purse.

She took another hit of her cigarette and looked up at the sky. The night clouds had turned orange from the city lights and were threatening to rain. Her hands were shaking, and she could barely hold onto her cigarette.

It was only five minutes until Andy showed at the hospital. He found her in the parking lot with the last of her cigarette in her fingers. When she saw him, she dropped it and rushed over to him. She pulled him into a tight hug. He pulled away at her tenderness. He knew it was a sure sign that something was terribly wrong.

"Sharon, what happened?" he asked.

She looked at him. She took a deep breath. Her heart was heavy, and she gave him a look of concealed emotions. She swallowed harshly.

"Her memory of the last four years is gone. Everything..." She wiped the tear that fell from her eye.

"So she doesn't remember you and her?" he tested, knowing the answer.

"She doesn't remember us, no. She still thinks she's happily married to Agent Howard." The tone in her voice was grief stricken. Her hands fumbled awkwardly as she tried to keep control.

"I'm sorry," he offered.

A small cry escaped her lips. S e turned her head away from his gaze. "I need some coffee," she barely got out. He heard her sniffle. "Do you want any?"

"That'd be fine."

She nodded slightly, and looked back at him. "I'm going to get it from the cafeteria, I forgot my keys... you, uh, you can go up and see her. She has a lot of questions and I can't..." she broke off again.

"I'll try and explain some things..."

"Thank you. And uh, leave out all the stuff about her and I, please. And Fritz... If anyone should tell her about what is going on with that and us, it should be me."

"You're going to tell her about your relationship."

She swallowed harshly. "I don't know... But I know I can't tell her yet. She still thinks I'm this ice queen... It would all be too much for her right now." She pulled the cornea of her mouth back. "I had this stupid image in my head that when she woke everything would be fine. That I would be fine. And now..." she felt her voice waver as she forced back a sob. She cleared her throat. "Coffee," she said.

"Coffee," he repeated and gently rubbed her back. She smiled weakly.

"I'll be back up there in a bit." She squinted. "I'll bring up some food too. She's probably starving."

"Alright." He gave her a small reassuring smile before she parted.

Andy made his way up to Brenda's room, finding the woman crying and staring out the window. She heard his footsteps and looked over to him. Her face lit up when. She saw him.

"Lieutenant Flynn," she said with a smile. It was weak and confused, but there nonetheless.

"Hey, Chief," he said, glad to see her awake. "Glad to see you."

"You too."

"Why are you here?" she couldn't help but wonder.

"Oh, uh, Sharon... I mean, the Captain called me. She needed someone here."

"Y'all sleeping together or somethin'?" she asked, jokingly.

"What? No," he replied too quickly. He wasn't lying, they only did so once. And it was months ago.

"Oh, okay then..." she said in shock.

"No, not okay. Captain and I aren't sleeping together," he clarified.

She just nodded and looked down at her hand. "Raydor told me that Fritz and I were divorced..."

"Yea, you are," he said honestly.

"She avoided answering me. Is it bad?"

"It's not my place to tell you," he told her.

"Whose place is it then?" she demanded. He struggled with the answer. "I could just call Fritz and ask him," she said rudely. She felt she had the right to be upset. All those years gone, and these people were dancing around her.

"That's not going to happen," he told her.

"And why is that?" she snapped back.

"Because Sharon would never let you near him... And frankly neither would I. Not after..." he huffed. "Look, a lot has happened in the past for years, and Agent Howard isn't the man you remember. "

"How do you mean? He isn't the loving husband I knew?"

"No." he huffed, wanting to give more detail. "These are really questions you should ask Sharon... I don't know all the details and she does."

"Why would she know?"

"She's, uh," he stumbled. "She's your best friend." It wasn't a lie either.

Brenda's jaw dropped. "_That _woman is my best friend? How the hell did that happen?"

"She saved your ass from being eaten by the system, and throwing you in prison," he explained. "Are there any questions you have for me not regarding your marriage or kinship with the Captain?"

She shifted uneasily. "How's work?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know, you're there aren't yew?"

"No. Chief, you're not a chief anymore," he briefly explained.

"Now I know that's a lie," she said with a small smile.

"It's not. You quit and work for the DA's office now; both you and Gabriel."

The news hit her harsh. Was everything in her life vastly different from where she left off? She was almost scared to ask any more questions. But one still lingered on her tongue. "If I'm not head of Major Crimes... who is?"

Flynn cocked his eyebrow slightly. "Who do you think?" he asked.

"_**That woman **_is running my division isn't she?"

"Yea, and quite well. Better than any of us thought she could," he elaborated. "She only took it thinking it would bring her up to Commander, but Chief Taylor kind of dangled the bait and threw it under the bus. Poor woman is running thin."

"How does someone like her run thin?"

"Everyone has their limits, Brenda. And she has reached hers long ago... she trying hard not to show it but she is crumbling on the inside. I can't even imagine what's going on in her head. If I were in her shoes... I would probably be back at the bottle... But she's holding strong. Keeping up with work, coming here any chance she can, trying to adopt Rusty-the kid you dropped on her lap when you left, she took him in - and well... everything else you've forgotten."

"I want to know everythin' I possibly can that happened in the past few years. Everythin' seems so different."

"It is very different. But there is much... a lot bad... a lot good... but way too much to handle in one sitting... plus, I think Sharon wants some of it to come up at its own time."

"Why can't I just know? It's my life."

"Because of your reaction." He sighed, and sat in the chair. "Charlie will be glad to know you're awake."

"Charlie's here?"

"Yea, she lives with Sharon's daughter and they are both going to UCLA... She's been handling all the paper work for you. And she's been worried sick."

Brenda smiled at the thought of family coming to see her. "Hopefully she can come by tomorrow."

"I know she will... "

Brenda tried to move her legs and was rudely reminded that she couldn't. She tried not to show it, but it terrified her. It made her feel helpless.

"Sharon told me I'm temporarily paralyzed," she whispered. She tried again to move her legs.

"She told us it was possible, but wasn't sure," he told her.

"It better be temporary," she muttered and growled to hide her fear.

There was shuffling by the door and they looked up to see an exhausted Sharon standing at the door. Brenda could see it now; the expression was not one she had ever seen Sharon wear. It was an expression of someone who was broken and held down by so much emotion. It saddened Brenda.

Sharon shuffled into the room with two coffees in hand and a bag of food. She handed Andy a coffee and set the bag down. Carefully she began unpacking the contents. She pulled out a salad, a tin of biscuits and gravy, and a bowl of soup. She handed Andy the biscuits and gravy, and kept the salad for herself. She lifted the container holding the soup.

"I thought you might be hungry," she told Brenda. "I tried to get something that was light on your stomach since you haven't eaten regular food in a while."

"Oh, I guess I am," she said. She hadn't even realized it, but now that she thought about it she was starving. Her stomach growled at the thought of food and she reached out for the soup. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Sharon whispered. She sat down beside Andy in her chair.

"I guess you two have no idea when I'm heading home?" she tried to joke.

"They're probably going to want and run some more tests, 'cause of the memory loss," Andy pointed out.

"And at least a few days of physical therapy," Sharon continued. "Besides. You're not going back to your home. You're coming back with me. I just got a 3 bedroom townhouse, so there is plenty of room." She had moved out after Vivi's death, unable to stand being in the house at all.

"Why can't I stay at my house?" Brenda demanded.

"You're going to have to have someone helping you constantly until you can walk again. And I can't burden Charlie with that. She has a life. I care too-"she cut herself off. "It's my fault you were hit and it's my responsibility to take care of you."

"No, it's not. And I can take care of myself," Brenda defended.

"It's not up for debate, Brenda," Sharon retaliated. "You're staying with me 'til you get better, whether you want to or not."

Brenda leaned back into her hospital bed, sulking. The last person she would want to take care of her is Sharon, and apparently she had no choice in the matter.

*.*.*.*.*

It was another three days until Brenda was released from the hospital. Sharon came by every day to check on her, and everyone from her squad check in on her.

She watched out the passenger's window at the passing by buildings.

"We have to stop by your house and pick some things up for you. I have been too busy to stop by and get anything," Sharon told Brenda. "Is there anything specific you'd like me to get?"

"My brown knit sweater, please," she told her. "Oh and Joel. She is probably so big now."

"He is already at my house. You brought him over the night before the crash."

Brenda squinted her eyes and looked at Sharon. "Why was I over your house the night before?" She sat up and looked at Sharon now.

Sharon glanced over at Brenda. What would be the harm in giving the story piece by piece, leaving the bigger parts for later. "You were being framed for murder by the same man that hit you. All the evidence was falling back on you, and only I knew the truth. No one else believed you, but me... That was including Agent Howard. You two got into a big fight, and you left. You came over my condo for the night and brought Joel with you," she explained.

"Oh," was all Brenda could manage.

"I let Charlie know about your physical therapy. She is going to make an effort to take you on days that I can't, but regardless someone will be there to pick you up."

"That's fine."

"We just want you to get better, Brenda," Sharon said, soothingly. She had to fight every urge in her body to reach out from the blonde's hand.

"I know," Brenda muttered, looking back put the window. "Where are you going?"

"To your house," Sharon repeated.

"I don't live down here."

"Oh, right," Sharon said mournfully. She would have to remind Brenda of the death of her mother. "You moved about a year and a half ago."

"Why? Cause of Fritz and my separation?"

"No, it wasn't that... Brenda, your," she opened her mouth. She had told so many people their loved ones had passed, but she would always be that woman in their eyes; the woman that told them the worst news anyone could here. "I can't tell you, Brenda... I can't be that person to you. I'll tell you what; I'll pick up some papers of information, lay them out chronically and let you figure some things out for yourself."

"I have a diary," she told Sharon, causing Sharon to look over. "I have probably a library's worth actually. Fritz doesn't know about 'em, hell no one does... but I always wrote in them in case of somethin' like this."

"Really?"

"Yea, and I like lookin' back on my life," Brenda explained further. "It's a little quirk I guess."

Sharon smirked. "So, where are these books?" She asked, pulling up into the drive way. She paused, realizing Brenda wouldn't know. "Sorry, I'll try and find them."

"I used to keep them in a safe," Brenda said. "It's likely there in the same spot in this house. There's an old bench in my house on the back porch. The safe's inside there."

"And the combination?"

"My birthday."

Sharon unhooked her seat belt, and looked at the stairwell leading to Brenda's duplex. "You okay staying in here?" She asked.

Brenda looked at the stairs, and had never been so intimidated by them. Her eyes began to water, and her breath shook. "Yeah, that's fine."

This time she didn't refrain from reaching out for Brenda's hand. This time she gripped the woman's hand tenderly, and lifted it. The action caused Brenda to jump. Yet she felt comforted at how soft the woman's hand was.

"You will walk again," Sharon reassured.

"How can you be sure of that?" Brenda asked.

"It's a pinched nerve, Brenda, it's not like its-"

"-It's what?" Brenda tested. She ripped her hands from Sharon.

Sharon wanted to comfort her. She knew the possibility of Brenda's legs and had prepared for it when Brenda woke up. But now she couldn't help Brenda the way she thought, comfort her the way she wanted. She would have to tread lightly to not push Brenda away.

"I'll be back in a few minutes," she told the younger woman as she pulled herself out of the car. She walked towards the house.

She walked into Brenda's house, using the key Brenda had given her. She gathered multiple objects for Brenda, including more of Brenda's clothes, some of her books, etc. She paused when she walked into guest bedroom, where it was clear Fritz had been sleeping in. She found the locket she had given Brenda opened on the end table with a bottle of scotch sitting by it. She could picture it. In her mind's eye saw Fritz finding the necklace and opening it, revealing the truth about New York and their relationship.

Not wanting to damage the pricey item, she wrapped it in tissue paper she found and placed it carefully in her purse. She wandered back to the back patio leading into the back yard. She saw the old block bench sitting on the opposite side of the patio and crosses over to it. She pulled up the cushion on top of it, and then untied the latch that held its secret compartment open. Once opening it, the safe was buried under rubbish, mostly meant to keep Fritz from thinking too much of it.

With ease she opened it, finding it lined with small thin journals. A gat lied on top of the journals, Brenda's back up weapon. She moved aside the gun carefully, and began filtering through the journals, plucking out the last three in which had mentioned their affair and slipping them into her purse. She collected the rest, only going back as far as Brenda's last memory.

She knew she would have to give Brenda the last three at some point, but on her terms would she get them. She couldn't throw all of that on Brenda. She wanted to ease Brenda into her current life. She wanted Brenda to see Sharon in a different light, have her see how they became close in the first place and allow Brenda to ask questions. And besides she secretly wanted to read them first. To find out all the things Brenda had thought in their time together.

Piling the things into her car, she watched Brenda who was in a daze. She couldn't help but smile when she caught Brenda staring at her. Even if she knew the thoughts running through Brenda's head weren't the ones she wanted, and that Brenda was still very confused, Brenda was awake. It may not have been the exact way Sharon hoped for, but Brenda was there beside her again. And all she could do was try and make Brenda fall in love with her all over again.


End file.
